In the winter before this one we just came out of, I went to Mexico for 2 months to clean up, and it worked. I brought some Suboxone with me,and used it for about 3 weeks, then just stopped. I did not have to much withdrawal, mostly tired a lot, and a lot of anxiety, and a constant erection, although anytime me and my wife made love, I would finish, as soon as it got a bit humid. So 2 months with no Heroin, I was ready to take on the world. I got back to Seattle, and I was using within 4 hours. Fail. Then I went into Heroin overdrive. I got worse than I had ever been. By the time March of this year rolled around, I was using just shy of $3k a month. I would put roofs on these big homes, and say to my helper, who was in the same position as me, "we could be buying a couple homes just like this one for what we are spending on shit" around the middle of March we both went to the Methadone clinic, and got on the program. For the first 4 days, I still used once per day, just to supplement the Methadone while it built up in my system, they start you on 30 mgs. here, and that did not touch my withdrawals. since then, I have not used any Heroin. They will let you go as high as you want on the program, but I stabilized at 50 mgs, and do not want to go higher, as I am going to spend the winter in Mexico again this year, so I am going to start a taper in June. I am probably going to get back on the program when I return however, just because I like the accountability, and I do not want to go back to working so hard, and spending it all on Heroin. I hear, and read a lot of bad stuff about Methadone, and Methadone programs, but for me, it has been very good. I am much more productive, even though I work less now, I am able to save more money. I had to work long hours, and 7 days a week, just so I could afford to pay my bills, and to pay my Heroin. I don't know if this will help anybody, but I think writing it, helped me. Thank you.
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Year before last I quit heroin. It did not last.
- Thread starter pete1891
- Start date
wearybuddha
Greenlighter
I started going to the suboxone clinic 4 weeks ago and have been doing pretty well. It's so nice not having to worry about getting a fix everyday. I was a heavy Roxy user for 5 years and graduated to H this year. Pills are really expensive here and with H you get more bang for your buck. I finally decided i'd had enough and I'm so glad I did. I wish you the best of luck in Mexico and hopefully you can kick your habit for good! Opiates cost me my job, my house and my family. I have a college degree and lost a high paying job and I haven't worked in 2 years. Thank GOD my poor hubby never gave up on me!
badfish45
Bluelight Crew
You seem like you truly want to quit. But you have to remember addiction is very situational. What's difficult is staying clean through the stresses of your everyday life. You're putting yourself into similar environments that you used in, and it will take some time to readjust.
You can do it! Relapse is common, mostly nobody gets it right the first time, nor the second time, etc. Keep trying. Pick yourself off the ground and start again where you fell.
Use BL as a resource. Many recovering addicts Here who suffer the same way you do. Also, mindfulness meditation is a wonderful resource that I highly recommend you use as a tool to cope with your negative emotions.
Its great to see your desire to quit. It sounds like you have goals outside of using drugs and you recognize what's holding you back. Just don't stop trying, you CAN do this!
You can do it! Relapse is common, mostly nobody gets it right the first time, nor the second time, etc. Keep trying. Pick yourself off the ground and start again where you fell.
Use BL as a resource. Many recovering addicts Here who suffer the same way you do. Also, mindfulness meditation is a wonderful resource that I highly recommend you use as a tool to cope with your negative emotions.
Its great to see your desire to quit. It sounds like you have goals outside of using drugs and you recognize what's holding you back. Just don't stop trying, you CAN do this!
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herbavore
Bluelight Crew
Hey Pete, welcome to Bluelight. It's gratifying to read people's stories of how they manage to kick. Sometimes when I read these amazing amounts of $$ spent on heroin or coke or whatever the DOC happens to be, I think, "damn, I've never worked that hard in my life!" People with no experience have the stereotype of the user nodding out on his couch all day but the reality is that a lot of people are working damn hard jobs just to pay for their habits. (I did one roof tear-off in my life and that was enough for me!)
Have you ever thought about what purpose the heroin serves in your life? It sounds like you have a great marriage, enough money for a satisfying lifestyle and have both stamina and drive in your personality. So what did it give you and how else can you find that in life? Getting past WDs and even PAWS takes you to this deeper space where this question awaits and it is where relapse often happens. Sometimes facing the deepest and oldest fears inside (and we do all have them) is the best thing you can do for yourself and for the trajectory of your life. If you read through the recovery forums enough, themes appear. One of them is, "I got clean, have a loving relationship, am doing OK and I'm still unhappy. Now what?" Recovery IMO is not really from the drug--it's from what led you to the drug.
Thanks for posting your story and congratulations on the hard work I know you've put into doing what you have done.
P.S. Where do you go in Mexico?
Have you ever thought about what purpose the heroin serves in your life? It sounds like you have a great marriage, enough money for a satisfying lifestyle and have both stamina and drive in your personality. So what did it give you and how else can you find that in life? Getting past WDs and even PAWS takes you to this deeper space where this question awaits and it is where relapse often happens. Sometimes facing the deepest and oldest fears inside (and we do all have them) is the best thing you can do for yourself and for the trajectory of your life. If you read through the recovery forums enough, themes appear. One of them is, "I got clean, have a loving relationship, am doing OK and I'm still unhappy. Now what?" Recovery IMO is not really from the drug--it's from what led you to the drug.
Thanks for posting your story and congratulations on the hard work I know you've put into doing what you have done.
P.S. Where do you go in Mexico?
Thank you Herbavore. I really do want to clean up, I think, my use comes from my childhood,there was a lotof exposure to drugs, and drug addicts at home, and it was a very violent, and abusive situation. I got out of there at 15, and that is when I started roofing. My twin brother stayed, and finished high school, and he is in a much worse situation than me, and unfortuanatly, does not want any help. I go to Cuernavaca in Mexico. My wife is from there. I love Mexico, it is so much freer than the USA. Thank you for the responses.