MeddieFrac
Bluelighter
Is Xanax the worst drug to quit, or is this what withdrawl is like for every drug?
You see, last year I had a really bad xanax addiction (and perhaps a death wish.) I took, at minimum, 5mg a day, and often upwards of 10mg a day, with gallons of grapefruit juice and alcohol. I was also taking large amounts of Klonopin. I was prescribed, and also bought extra, Xanax, but I happened to get a prescription to Klonopin as well. Sometimes I would just down literally 15-20 Klonopin along with the Xanax, as I found the Klonopin had no effect for me unless taken in huge doses. Needless to say, there were many days/nights that I don't remember (my friends always filled me in on the details of what happened.) I just couldn't control myself, because I had such bad anxiety and depression for so long that I was just sick of life, and as soon as I was given access to such large amounts of drugs that would make the pain stop I couldn't help myself.
Well, there came a time when I had to quit cold turkey. I remember clearly, taking my last 2 pills as I went to bed, hoping to God that withdrawl won't be too bad. Looking back, I was very foolish to not taper off, but I didn't want to reveal to the doctor how much more I was taking than prescribed, and after running out of my pills WAY too early I was unable to get ANY xanax AT ALL from the doctor or from my friends who usually had them. (Even though I was taking many more pills than I was given each months, by buying extra from friends I made sure that I NEVER ran out, lest I should suffer from withdrawl which I knew would happen when taking such massive amounts of benzo's.)
So, I foolishly thought I could quit cold turkey.
The next day, I didn't feel bad at all. I was amazed; perhaps Xanax withdrawl isn't as bad as I had heard (what I didn't know at the time, is that it can take a day or more to fully leave your system, so I was still feeling Xanax from the prior day.)
Strange things started to happen on the second day. When I used my peripheral vision, everything started shaking. When I looked at lights, they seemed to be pulsing and vibrating. I also started to feel a bit dizzy, but all in all I was really glad that the withdrawl wasn't as bad as they say.
However, on the evening of the third day, standing in the hallway of my apartment as I adjusted the temperature of the A/C, there was a complete upheaval in my brain. Everything started to violently spin around; I had the sensation of standing on a cliff and feeling dizzy as though I were about to fall over. I thought I was about to die. I called one of my friends, but strangely I couldn't talk--the words just barely came out of my mouth. I hung up the phone and lay down on the floor. I felt like I was falling through the floor into an abyss. I sent a text to a few friends and told them to check on me tomorrow because I might be dead. They said okay. (Good friends, huh? Hah.)
The next day I was alive, but the withdrawl symptoms were worse. I felt like every cell in my body was tearing away from one another, like my mind was falling apart. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't talk, I could barely walk, light hurt my eyes, and I developed a bad stutter (which, thankfully, has since gone away.)
The symptoms progressively worsened over the next day. I remember laying in the shower for hours, contemplating killing myself. However, in the state I was in, I doubt I could have handled ending my own life. That night I managed to sleep fitfully.
The withdrawl hit its peak that next day when the shit really hit the fan. I was in the middle of a conversation (I was stuttering the whole time, and it was hard to think straight, let alone form coherent ideas,) when I had a grand mal seizure. The conversation is the last thing I remember, and then I came to in a hospital. I didn't tell the doctors about the Xanax, so they had no idea why I had the seizure. I was also severely dehydrated they told me.
So a few weeks later I started to feel better again, but it took longer to heal emotionally. It was the single most horrific and terrible experience of my life. I'm such an idiot for subjecting myself to such high amounts of Xanax and then try to quit cold turkey (keep in mind that drinking grapefruit juice essentially doubles the amount of Xanax in your blood stream, and I was drinking lots of grapefruit juice; I was basically taking 10-20 mg's a day with alcohol every other day, and 120mg of Klonopin per month.)
You see, last year I had a really bad xanax addiction (and perhaps a death wish.) I took, at minimum, 5mg a day, and often upwards of 10mg a day, with gallons of grapefruit juice and alcohol. I was also taking large amounts of Klonopin. I was prescribed, and also bought extra, Xanax, but I happened to get a prescription to Klonopin as well. Sometimes I would just down literally 15-20 Klonopin along with the Xanax, as I found the Klonopin had no effect for me unless taken in huge doses. Needless to say, there were many days/nights that I don't remember (my friends always filled me in on the details of what happened.) I just couldn't control myself, because I had such bad anxiety and depression for so long that I was just sick of life, and as soon as I was given access to such large amounts of drugs that would make the pain stop I couldn't help myself.
Well, there came a time when I had to quit cold turkey. I remember clearly, taking my last 2 pills as I went to bed, hoping to God that withdrawl won't be too bad. Looking back, I was very foolish to not taper off, but I didn't want to reveal to the doctor how much more I was taking than prescribed, and after running out of my pills WAY too early I was unable to get ANY xanax AT ALL from the doctor or from my friends who usually had them. (Even though I was taking many more pills than I was given each months, by buying extra from friends I made sure that I NEVER ran out, lest I should suffer from withdrawl which I knew would happen when taking such massive amounts of benzo's.)
So, I foolishly thought I could quit cold turkey.
The next day, I didn't feel bad at all. I was amazed; perhaps Xanax withdrawl isn't as bad as I had heard (what I didn't know at the time, is that it can take a day or more to fully leave your system, so I was still feeling Xanax from the prior day.)
Strange things started to happen on the second day. When I used my peripheral vision, everything started shaking. When I looked at lights, they seemed to be pulsing and vibrating. I also started to feel a bit dizzy, but all in all I was really glad that the withdrawl wasn't as bad as they say.
However, on the evening of the third day, standing in the hallway of my apartment as I adjusted the temperature of the A/C, there was a complete upheaval in my brain. Everything started to violently spin around; I had the sensation of standing on a cliff and feeling dizzy as though I were about to fall over. I thought I was about to die. I called one of my friends, but strangely I couldn't talk--the words just barely came out of my mouth. I hung up the phone and lay down on the floor. I felt like I was falling through the floor into an abyss. I sent a text to a few friends and told them to check on me tomorrow because I might be dead. They said okay. (Good friends, huh? Hah.)
The next day I was alive, but the withdrawl symptoms were worse. I felt like every cell in my body was tearing away from one another, like my mind was falling apart. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't talk, I could barely walk, light hurt my eyes, and I developed a bad stutter (which, thankfully, has since gone away.)
The symptoms progressively worsened over the next day. I remember laying in the shower for hours, contemplating killing myself. However, in the state I was in, I doubt I could have handled ending my own life. That night I managed to sleep fitfully.
The withdrawl hit its peak that next day when the shit really hit the fan. I was in the middle of a conversation (I was stuttering the whole time, and it was hard to think straight, let alone form coherent ideas,) when I had a grand mal seizure. The conversation is the last thing I remember, and then I came to in a hospital. I didn't tell the doctors about the Xanax, so they had no idea why I had the seizure. I was also severely dehydrated they told me.
So a few weeks later I started to feel better again, but it took longer to heal emotionally. It was the single most horrific and terrible experience of my life. I'm such an idiot for subjecting myself to such high amounts of Xanax and then try to quit cold turkey (keep in mind that drinking grapefruit juice essentially doubles the amount of Xanax in your blood stream, and I was drinking lots of grapefruit juice; I was basically taking 10-20 mg's a day with alcohol every other day, and 120mg of Klonopin per month.)
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