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Would you date someone with a child?

Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
1,297
Location
Looking-Glass Land
Met a girl last Saturday night and we exchanged numbers, she told me a few days later she has a kid. I was ok with this but now am seeing that because of the child our relationship won't include much alone time or going out. I'm a bit of a needy lover when in love and I guess this is my downfall. She's been off and on with communicating but it's me who has been initiating more. I feel like this won't work out so took her off Facebook, Snapchat but still kept her number. She hasn't even texted enquiring why she was taken off nor has she messaged much since Thursday night.

Am I too assume she ain't interested and I should just move on?

On another note who here has dated someone with a child and how did it work out?
 
I dated someone with a child, actually 2 different girls.

The first one I found out cheated on me (which is how she got the kid) I was dumb enough to take her back a year later. We never had "alone time" because she lived at her parents who were strick as fuck. And her child who was an infant needed a ton of care and attention. I didn't want to take that responsibility on at that time. So we're just friends now.

The other...
The whole story is WAY to long as it spans about 6 years of shit.

But, after we dated, her next BF and her had a kid. About 5 years of bullshit and drama I got them to break up (he was abusive and shit and she deserved someone better than that dead beat) Anyway, her child at the time was maybe 3. She was cute as hell, and she loved me more than her actual dad. We were perfectly fine and all. No problems in any part of our relationship until she started to become a bit distant. She just told me she was busy and hanging out with friends which was somewhat true. But one friend is her now next abusive BF. So, when I meet a girl, if they have a child it is usually a turn off for me. Just from past experiences. So now I unfortunately say FUCK relationships.


As for her, not really sure. My guess would be that she either isn't interested or has started to talk to the baby daddy again (which also happened in my 2nd story above.)
Just my 2 cents. Move on. There's plenty of fish in the sea!
 
If you are a needy lover you are better off with someone that has no kids.

The kids needs come first always. Yes you will not have much alone time and she probably doesnt care you ditched her as your constant neediness would have been a pain in the arse.
 
Anyone with kids will (or at least should) always prioritize their kids over their lover. To do otherwise could lead to emotional neglect of the child which is something with lasting consequences for the child's wellbeing. As Zephyr said, if you need a lot of alone time or individual attention dating someone with a kid probably isn't the best option for you even if she is interested.

Also honestly man, if she hasn't checked to see why you removed her from social media I would bet she actually isn't interested. As much as that sucks to recognize it sounds like the case for you. The one time someone I was dating removed me from their social media I texted them within an hour to see what was up with that, I know with my abandonment fears I'm exceptionally clingy but it still seems odd she wouldn't check at all.

Personally I won't date anyone with a kid but that's more because I don't want to be forced to raise one if things end up long term, I don't feel like I have the capacity to raise a well adjusted child and I have no desire to make an attempt and end up creating more screwed up adults like myself. I'm happy both of my current partners want nothing but pets. We might have some kids but only goat kids, no humans.
 
As an older person with children, WTF!
Children are a part of life, we make space for them and bring them into the world.
What is sex otherwise about?
 
augustaB said:
As an older person with children, WTF!
Children are a part of life, we make space for them and bring them into the world.
What is sex otherwise about?
Click to expand...

Children are a part of life but not everyone is equipped to raise them, I can list 5 reasons right now why me being responsible for a human child is an awful idea that would take years of therapy to repair the resulting damage from. Sorry for being aware of how my mental health issues affect my ability to raise a kid, but as a childhood trauma victim myself I think I'd rather not make another child live through some of the shit I have.

And as for the op they still have every right to want their own needs met in a relationship, if their needs conflict with what it takes to raise a child then they probably shouldn't date someone with a child. In that scenario everyone ends up unhappy including the kids so why force it?

Children can be a part of life for people who want them and can accommodate their developmental needs. But for those of us who cannot meet the needs of a child, who can't meet our own needs with a child around or otherwise have reasons that bringing a child into our life would be harmful we have every right to consider children a dealbreaker in a relationship.
 
I have no desire to have kids so I would never* date anyone with kids. I would prefer to be able to dedicate my time and effort to stuff for myself. I have a lot of goals for myself and children would get in the way of those. Personally I dont even want to be in a relationship at this time either for the exact same reasons.

* to show that is subject to change, no one fully controls their emotions like that. All of it is subject to change as my plans really only cover the next 3-5 years and will be revised at some point. But for now I can say no i would not.
 
Kids SHOULD come before a potential partner, that's just how it goes.
I don't want kids in my life so I wouldn't date someone with kids.
 
If you REALLY like the girl then it should be ok. It is obviously a turn off and it takes some points off of her.. if she's an 8 then she's a 6 or 6.5 at the most, with the kid.
Also stop being so needy. It lowers your own points so stop.
Good luck :)
 
augustaB said:
As an older person with children, WTF!
Children are a part of life, we make space for them and bring them into the world.
What is sex otherwise about?
Click to expand...


Ummmm.... Didn't you post in another thread your fantasy was doing drugs and banging some rugby players (with condoms) in public while cross dressing? How does that have anything to do with kids? I hope like hell it doesn't.

I'm not judging you btw, just saying sex is obviously about much more than procreation.
 
~kira~ said:
I dated someone with a child, actually 2 different girls.

The first one I found out cheated on me (which is how she got the kid) I was dumb enough to take her back a year later. We never had "alone time" because she lived at her parents who were strick as fuck. And her child who was an infant needed a ton of care and attention. I didn't want to take that responsibility on at that time. So we're just friends now.

The other...
The whole story is WAY to long as it spans about 6 years of shit.

But, after we dated, her next BF and her had a kid. About 5 years of bullshit and drama I got them to break up (he was abusive and shit and she deserved someone better than that dead beat) Anyway, her child at the time was maybe 3. She was cute as hell, and she loved me more than her actual dad. We were perfectly fine and all. No problems in any part of our relationship until she started to become a bit distant. She just told me she was busy and hanging out with friends which was somewhat true. But one friend is her now next abusive BF. So, when I meet a girl, if they have a child it is usually a turn off for me. Just from past experiences. So now I unfortunately say FUCK relationships.


As for her, not really sure. My guess would be that she either isn't interested or has started to talk to the baby daddy again (which also happened in my 2nd story above.)
Just my 2 cents. Move on. There's plenty of fish in the sea!
Click to expand...


I have had 2 very similar experiences myself with single moms. Both girls had toddlers. Both babies daddies were typical abusive alpha male types. Both girls fell madly in love with me because I wasn't like that. Both girls cheated on me.

I am now proud to say my white Knight complex has been cured and am now an asshole like all other guys.

Chivalry is dead, and women killed it. - Dave Chappelle.
 
Archibald Meatpans said:
Ummmm.... Didn't you post in another thread your fantasy was doing drugs and banging some rugby players (with condoms) in public while cross dressing? How does that have anything to do with kids? I hope like hell it doesn't.

I'm not judging you btw, just saying sex is obviously about much more than procreation.
Click to expand...

If we didn't have to reproduce we wouldn't have evolved a powerful sexual urge. How we use that urge is a different matter.
 
Its more of an issue of dating someone who uses facebokk as their primary means of communication.

It allows people to put up social barriers at their convience and if you call her out (don't) she will tell youher child comes first but honestly someone addicted to facebook is a nightmare imho.

Now she could be busy. Kids are a pain in the ass at times.

I have dated plenty of women with kids but don't know if I will anymore. I would have to really like her and for her to be a wondeful person.

Its just I am getting to the age where if I was to get in a serious relationship I would like it to go somewhere.

I still might fuck around and go through the motions witha woman I know is wrong for me.

If and when it gets serious sometimes its a whole package and you got to ask yourself if you even like their kid. A few relationships where harder to leave because I grew attached to their kids.

Then some women, I didnt like their kids, hell some of them didn't when it came down to it.

So recently I dated a woman who has a kid who is almost an adult because she got knocked up about as young as you can so she is still quite young but a bit older than me


She didn't raise her kid, her parents did so I have saw the kid and thats just as well as I was friends with his father.

So yeah we are talking again and honestly that kid is out og her life now.

I have dated women that lost custody because of drugs and they will sit their shooting speedballs telling you they are getting custody soon and damn their lives are fucked ip and you start realizing they would be better off if they accepted the fact there was a reason they lost custody past shit luck.

So yeah honestly it depends. If they are a good parent that is a good sign but that means you come second unless you want to be that kids dad realizing they also have a father.

So that last part is the brass text, the first part is junkie bullshit.

I guess don't get too attached because I find someone ocerly active on facebook to be all about themselves no matter what they say. I hate facebook, I really do.

I dont delete my page because its a good way to get a hold of people, it seems mandatory so a page I stopped using is a good page, and finally let the bastards pay for the bandwidth every time someone clicks on my page.

Sometimes when someone doesnt respond that much they are not as into you as you are them.
 
I don't think so. Maybe if they were divorced and kids were only with him 2x a week or something like that. I want to drink, party, and have fun.
 
Call it shallow, but no. I don't want to raise someone else's child, let alone one of my own. I'd bump uglies with a hot mom, but never marry one.
 
No. I wouldn't date a guy with kids. Only for a hookup, but not looking to be the new mommy.

The woman OP speaks of seems to not be really interested, plus you already know it probably won't work out. Do her and yourself a favor, move on.
 
You are at advantage , show her how great you can be with kids and she will be yours forever and see the dad in you.

you can have all her attention once you tell her openly that you need her love.
 
Not one with young kids they would probably have to be at least in their early teens.
 
Working with women that are in recovery I work with a lot of mothers, theres only 1 woman i know of that is in a relationship with a decent father to her kids.
On the other note, i would say that 80% of the clients i work with have children, and saying that they have no 'father' of their kids. Drugs have impacted the childrens lifes to the point of their mothers are not going to be there for them for atleast the next 9 months.
Then again, i know a few females that are in recocery,are single and they have no children.

I wonder why would someone get with a woman and become a deadbeat father ? Well, i was there once. Thank god the dna test came back as the child not being mine, when my exexex gf told me that i was going to have to start giving her money,and court related stuff,i panicked. I didnt want any of that shit, and at the time of having sex, i had condoms i just didnt feel like using any. Well ling story short,she was pregnant before we even had sex.

Now, the question is,would i date anyone with kids. The answer is yes, i would. If i really had feelings for her. Then again, i most likely wouldnt because i dont want to bother dealing with babydaddy drama.
 
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