I'm a 30 year old guy, and have a pretty run-of-the-mill history of a drug user born in the 90s. I've done practically everything on the market, and throughout most of it I was a raging alcoholic. When I was 15 and my mom passed away from breast cancer, my drinking and weed smoking got much worse, I started also using painkillers, adderall, cocaine & crack in a handful of short periods, and occasional trip on acid. This was mostly around 18-23, and then I slipped into a deep addiction to percoset and fentanyl.
Drinking was always the centerpiece to my addictions, and although it slowed down during my opiate abuse, it existed and was my immediate fallback when I quit the pills in 2017. I spent a few more years becoming a full-blown drunk again, mostly ending in 2020, when I got charges for domestic violence and vandalism at my grandparents house while drinking with my cousin. On top of that, throughout my life I've had 3 DUIs while drinking. I've probably spent more time driving without a license than with one. Overall, I was a real asshole. I allowed all kinds of foul things to happen under my roof. I used friends and family and then ignored them or was otherwise unappreciative. And when I blacked out, I would be a gross creep with women, and any woman too; age, weight, married, pregnant, didn't matter to me. There were often fights, arguing, broken things, stolen things, and random other drugs involved in my drinking.
Fast forward to now, I've mostly stayed sober the last 4 years aside from a relapse in mid 2021 that led to more charges and another move into a fourth sober living house. At that house, I started a meth habit because I would come home drunk and another guy living there smoked it. I had done it a handful of times before, but always considered myself more of a downer kind of person. I always had trouble with not being able to sleep. But, in the beginning of using it at the sober house, it was just for a wake up to allow me more time to be drunk. I didn't buy it myself, but I started asking to hit the pizzo more often.
Eventually I did start buying my own, and once I started using it regularly it pretty much stopped my alcoholism dead in its tracks. I was working steadily at a warehouse, got back into school, and was even being groomed to be the house manager. Everybody thought I was doing great.
The "going great" part lasted until around the end of 2022. The courts allowed me to move back in with my grandparents, and I've mostly been coasting and waiting for the probation and mental health court stuff to wrap up. Once I complete some DV classes, all my charges will be dismissed. But I've still been a daily meth smoker for about 2 years now.
I can 100% see how it's affecting my body, mind, and spirit; yet I still find myself able to believe that voice in my head that says, "Yeah, but is it really that bad?". I mean, if it wasn't for the uncontrollable horniness, addiction to chaturbate, irritability, hygiene/acne, and the little trolls that the Gods sent to hide shit from me; if all that was gone, I'd say the meth use, when compared to the side-effects of quitting, might be a reasonable trade. Of course, because of the things mentioned the overall goal is to get clean. However, I think if, for some reason, I felt myself slipping back into a drinking habit again after quitting meth, I might choose to pick the pipe back up to re-kill that urge. I've heard plenty of people say meth is sustainable if you take long breaks, take care of hygiene, etc., but I'm just not sure if I'm capable of long breaks. My energy levels and mood drop so much without it, I usually only make it a few days.
Any thoughts on the "lesser of two evils" argument/excuse for using?
Drinking was always the centerpiece to my addictions, and although it slowed down during my opiate abuse, it existed and was my immediate fallback when I quit the pills in 2017. I spent a few more years becoming a full-blown drunk again, mostly ending in 2020, when I got charges for domestic violence and vandalism at my grandparents house while drinking with my cousin. On top of that, throughout my life I've had 3 DUIs while drinking. I've probably spent more time driving without a license than with one. Overall, I was a real asshole. I allowed all kinds of foul things to happen under my roof. I used friends and family and then ignored them or was otherwise unappreciative. And when I blacked out, I would be a gross creep with women, and any woman too; age, weight, married, pregnant, didn't matter to me. There were often fights, arguing, broken things, stolen things, and random other drugs involved in my drinking.
Fast forward to now, I've mostly stayed sober the last 4 years aside from a relapse in mid 2021 that led to more charges and another move into a fourth sober living house. At that house, I started a meth habit because I would come home drunk and another guy living there smoked it. I had done it a handful of times before, but always considered myself more of a downer kind of person. I always had trouble with not being able to sleep. But, in the beginning of using it at the sober house, it was just for a wake up to allow me more time to be drunk. I didn't buy it myself, but I started asking to hit the pizzo more often.
Eventually I did start buying my own, and once I started using it regularly it pretty much stopped my alcoholism dead in its tracks. I was working steadily at a warehouse, got back into school, and was even being groomed to be the house manager. Everybody thought I was doing great.
The "going great" part lasted until around the end of 2022. The courts allowed me to move back in with my grandparents, and I've mostly been coasting and waiting for the probation and mental health court stuff to wrap up. Once I complete some DV classes, all my charges will be dismissed. But I've still been a daily meth smoker for about 2 years now.
I can 100% see how it's affecting my body, mind, and spirit; yet I still find myself able to believe that voice in my head that says, "Yeah, but is it really that bad?". I mean, if it wasn't for the uncontrollable horniness, addiction to chaturbate, irritability, hygiene/acne, and the little trolls that the Gods sent to hide shit from me; if all that was gone, I'd say the meth use, when compared to the side-effects of quitting, might be a reasonable trade. Of course, because of the things mentioned the overall goal is to get clean. However, I think if, for some reason, I felt myself slipping back into a drinking habit again after quitting meth, I might choose to pick the pipe back up to re-kill that urge. I've heard plenty of people say meth is sustainable if you take long breaks, take care of hygiene, etc., but I'm just not sure if I'm capable of long breaks. My energy levels and mood drop so much without it, I usually only make it a few days.
Any thoughts on the "lesser of two evils" argument/excuse for using?
