That smell that your sweat takes on when you're in WD. I am haunted by that smell...
RIGHT????? I still have the t-shirts I wore when I did my CT withdrawal a few years ago, and it took several washings to get that smell out. I wonder why sweat smells so much more foul when one is in WD? Also, I can't stand the smell of the antiperspirant I'd been using during that era, and even to this day, if I catch a whiff of it, I feel a little ill.
OK, here's my list:
1. The cost. I spend way too much money on them, and it makes me sad to think of all the nice things I could have or used to do good, particularly to help animals, with the money I have spent on pills.
2. Availability. No matter how many I have, I am constantly thinking of where & how I am going to procure my next batch. What suck is when you have the $ but there's nothing out there, or, someone is loaded down with product and is offering a sweet deal but I am broke. It seems I pend more time & energy on worrying about my stash than is normal or healthy.
3. When I run low, and have to go around half sick. Or, there have been a few instances when I have completely run out, (this happened to me last Thankgiving time; I crumbed a ten mg methadone tab till it was gone and then went a couple or few days with nothing but lope. It was awful.) The worst thing about it is having to go to work sick; it's almost impossible. Being that the stuff in opiates are neurotransmitters, I cannot think straight, or clearly, and become incredibly clumsy. When in WD, you can't sit till but you also can't sleep without the aid of benzos, and it's pretty much agony.
4. I have lost a lot of my self-respect and a loving relationship because I jut could not put them down. Plus, my soon-to-be-ex, is a raging alcoholic who makes an ass out of himself everytime he drinks. he could tell that our son was losing respect for him, so, to deflect it, he went and told our teen son, (with whom I am extraordinarily close), about "Mama's pill addiction". Just to deflect attention from his own heinous behavior. I told hi,, at least I act normal. When I do quit for good, and that's on the horizon, much of my reason will center around the fact that I don't want my son to be harmed any further by my addiction.
5. Fear. Fear of having to meet in public places to do the exchange, fear of getting caught and sent to prison, (I'd kill myself first-seriously), fear of a random drug test at a dream job and losing my entire life, future, dreams.
I am a libertarian who believes all substances ought to be legalized and taxed, but that day wil probably not come in my lifetime. Just think of all the issues opiate addicts would avoid if we could walk into a CVS, show some ID, and pick up a bottle of Lortabs or a bag of heroin or whatever. Prohibition doesn't work. Why is alcohol, one of the most deadly drugs ever, perfectly legal, whereas opiates, which do not harm the body in any appreciable way, taboo?
OH, not for nothing, but I have terrible lactose intolerance, so constipation is not a problem, here. Half a Starbucks mocha frappucino later, I am cramping up & running for the facilities.
