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Worst I've Been In A While

A

Alex000

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 5, 2010
Messages
2,056
So there are a lot of details arround this situation, but it is looking like I will be putting myself back in a psych ward. I don't need it but things at home are seriously fucked up and I need an escape. Flipped total shit last night, and basically went crazy. This would be my 7th? hospital stay. Great. So fucking upset.
 
Oh, alex, all I can say is (((((((((((<3))))))))))). You deserve so much love--you give so much on this forum and I'm sure that is true everywhere in your life. Do whatever you have to do to keep your sanity--even if it is checking yourself in. I have been there several times in my life and I know that it can be a life saver. I hope you know how much we all value you here. Slip that knowledge in your pocket and carry it with you and please keep us posted. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. You can get through it but that means being living it moment by moment, right? Remember to breathe.

SO MUCH LOVE TO YOU. Stay safe and be as gentle to yourself as you would be to a dear friend in this situation.<3
 
I thank you for such kind words, and I glad my part on this forum has been recognized. I will certainly take my knowledge with me should I go into a psych ward, I enjoy spreading it where it is needed.
 
Hey Alex, I feel your pain my friend, and I too have had to do the same in the past, and sometimes we all just need that get away. You know checking yourself in isn't always such a bad thing. You know, you have a lot to offer people, and checking yourself in can actually be a tool to show everyone that you are worth something. Take with you the mind set that you can get through this, and maybe even leave your mark on others while there. I know that when I have had to check in, the one thing that always kept me going was that I knew that through my experiences, I can help others while there. I mean I know that you are going there to help #1 which is you, however, one of the ways that has always helped me, was to know that I could help others with my story.

Consider your time while there as a way to hit the reset button in your mind. Be honest and open with what is bothering you and what is bringing you down. Try to identify the triggers that brings you to this state and focus on how to eliminate those triggers. Don't think of this as a bad thing, think of going as a way to explore new avenues in you quest to find happiness and contentment.

I wish you well my friend, you will be fine and come out an even better person then you are now. Just know then when you come out, you will have all of us here at TDS. Perhaps you can come back and share what you have gone through and learned, and you just may help the next person who maybe in a similar situation. It also will help some people realize that getting help is not as bad as people think. Some people have this notion that committing themselves for some time is a sign of weakness, and right now you have already proven that it's not. It takes a strong person to realize that sometimes we do not have all the answers and that sometime we really do need that help that you are going to get. I applaud you for not only making the decision to go and get the help, but to be honest with yourself and us and letting us know. That takes a strong person to do so.

I wish you all the best Alex, and I look forward to hearing from you when you are back. Take care of yourself!

Peace!

-Pain
 
I've been hospitalized, too, and there are times where it's really the best thing. Allow the concerns of everyday life to be placed on the back burner and just use the time, peace and quiet to get back on track.
 
Hey Alex best of luck to you man, and just because your in this current mood does not mean something wont make it change for the better soon and I hope that it does!

Optimism helps but I know is hard to be sometimes when things seem so gloomy! You sound like your a strong minded individual though and im sure you'll make it through this!
 
Well, I didn't end up going to the hospital or the "pital" as my mother lovingly refered to the ER, no joke. Anyway, like I said I did flip shit late Friday night, left home in the rain, took a bus to a town out of state, and then finally came back. There was a lot of anxiety and agitation and dysphoria involved in it all, but yesterday (Saturday) I fell asleep and slept for many hours until this morning, when some encouraging talk with my family and some tramadol helped me out. I decided today to go back on my Tegretol XR 200 mg BID in addition to the 3 mg of k-pin, in fact, I may up the k-pin dose. I have an appointment with my psych doc on the 10th, so I am going to discuss upping the k-pin dose and rx'ing another PRN, possibly a neuroleptic for especially severe agitation in addition to my PRN Ativan. My therapist thinks I have Borderline Personality Disorder and GAD, but my grandparents think just GAD, and my grandfather is a psychologist, however I think my therapist may be right about the BPD. Sometimes I doubt that I have GAD, because I really did manipulate my way into getting benzos in the first place. I am not so much anxious, as I am nervous, and often I am not. My mood is generally good, but lately it has been labile, the last episode being the worst. I don't believe labels are really that important, but BPD kind of describes me to a tee. Anyway, I am doing better now, MUCH better. I am at risk for another episode, however, I do have a small stash of Seroquel which I may have to employ should benzos or tramadol not do the trick in relieving agitation. I appreciate everyone's concerns very sincerely. I love bluelight, and TDS, and without either I wouldn't be as well off as I am.

-Alex.
 
Alex, good luck, stay strong; this is just another pain in the a** part of life that I'm sure with a little time and strength, you can take steps and get through...

I am just a constant reader and sometimes poster on BL, and I frequently come across threads where you have given helpful info- and I just wanted you to hear from just one more person who appreciates you, and wishes you all the best:)
 
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