Worse than I ever saw myself becoming

[hungryguy420]

So here's my story

For the past 5 months (basically from the beginning of this year) I've began using meth. It started out like every other story I've heard about people not thinking they would ever get hooked on any hard drug. I started out smoking it and eventually tried hot rails , and everthing seemed like I had my use in control.

Then I tried IVing for my first time. As you can imagine I definately enjoyed the rush and tried it again occasionally. Or at least I thought it was occasional. I slowly began to question if I was shooting it too much and obviously that's where I should have known I was.

When I would use I would ask my friends if they thought I was using too often or if I was letting my self get too frequent with dosing. I had plenty of times that when I would get high that I would immediately think that everyone was trying to make jokes of me or just mess with my head.

Eventually it turned to me thinking all of my friends were against me and so I began using on my own at home. I would usually dose in the bathroom and just take my time with it. I've been trying to always make sure that everyone who knows I use, doesn't think badly of me.

I now am at the point where even if I use the restroom or take a shower , my family knows that I'm getting high . Ive got to the realization that I can't continue this problem if I want to ever get rid of my paranoia and the withdrawal stages.

I'm never comfortable even after refraining from using for 24 hrs. Please help me if you've ever experienced this type of problem and have been able to find a way to keep from thinking over exaggerated thoughts or paranoia.

 

[herbavore]

The only way that the paranoia is going to go away is to stop. It may take a while but it will stop. In the meantime try to have a voice ready in your head for when these thoughts appear. Something like, "OK, I know this is just my paranoia making me see things like this so I am not going to let it get to me." Distance yourself from your thoughts, pretend like you are outside looking in, like you are the calm observer that can pull you back to reality.

The question is, now that you realize the extent of your problem, what are you going to do about it? You say your family knows what you are doing. Have you considered asking them for help or is that possible? It would be ideal if they could be good support but if they can't where else can you turn for support to end your use? I would suggest going to a meeting and seeing how that feels and maybe looking up any resources in your area that deal with recovery.

Good luck and stay positive. You can change things. You already have step one down and that is a clear eyed view of where you do not want to be. Don't give in to discouragement.

 

[hungryguy420]

I have an appointment Wednesday with a counselor actually. So I've gotten that part done. But the paranoia is what's hard to get rid of. I can sometimes grasp the knowing that its just the drug but I still let it get the best if me. Thanks for the support and Ill post again to let you know how it goes. Hopefully Wednesday it won't be a worry left in my Braun.
Thanks again.

 

[footscrazy]

24 hours isn't long to be off and definitely not enough time for even the acute withdrawals to end. Give it time. I found it took about 5 days for the acute withdrawal to end (when the direct effects such as paranoia would subside for me) and 2 months of being off before I started feeling 'normal'. Stick at it. Quitting meth will most likely be the biggest factor in getting rid of your paranoid thoughts - it's unlikely they'll get any better if you continue to use. If however you quit and they remain, you might find medications helpful - you'd need to speak to a professional about this.