Worrying thought patterns! Second opinions PLEASE!!

[Moguta]

A thought process that I've been having recently is that my friends are all in on some joke that I am the butt of without my knowledge. It happened notably the first time the other night when I was blazed as shit and I thought that whenever my friends were talking when I was out of hearing distance they were talking about me. Whenever 2 or more of them would leave the room I thought they were going off to talk about me or do something that didn't involve me. My friend came round earlier tonight after he'd been chilling with another mate of mine and I couldn't help thinking as he was leaving (and actually believing pretty solidly on some levels) in the back of my mind that they had been talking about me earlier and he had only come here to receive ammunition to go back and talk to my other mates about me and have a laugh about it (these thoughts were when I wasn't on anything and had had a good night's sleep the night before)

I've smoked pot very regularly for a couple of years now and I also had a phase of about 2 years where I'd be taking pills 3+ nights a week which eventually evolved into whatever drug was available at the time (coke, meth, ice, psychs, w/e). This is a circle that I've only in the past couple of weeks been making a real concerted effort to get myself out of since losing my job in a nightclub in the city. Also within the past few months I've developed pretty bad social anxiety and my depression (which has been on and off for about 5 years) has kicked back into gear.

I just want to know - Are these thought patterns a result of insecurity (I've never before really been insecure within my circle of friends so I don't know the feeling) or could they possibly be early signs of psychosis? (lol? I don't know I did a bit of reading about it and it kinda fits in with me thinking the people around me are conspiring against me - or maybe I'm misunderstanding the severity of the term)

I'm not sure if this is relevant either but the day after that first notable incident involving my mates and my fears about them I was on a pretty mild comedown from the pills we'd railed the night before but I ended up having a pretty bad freak out. I was sitting at the computer and was just REALLY uncomfortable and quite afraid for no reason. It'll sound a bit crazy but I was looking at certain things and it felt as though they were looking back? I couldn't look at any object without a serious feeling of discomfort as though it was watching me... Fuck that sounds whack. It was bad enough and I was freaked out enough that I ended up sleeping on the couch as it was the closest semi-comfortable surface so as to avoid walking through the house to my bed.

Any information or opinions would be great hey. Little bit worried about where my mind is going at the moment as I realised not long ago that my life for the past 2 years has been one massive drug binge. I'm making an effort to smoke less pot and I've just started taking lexapro (an SSRI) which my psychiatrist assured me would help with the anxiety as well as depression..

 

[sam123]

I know exactly what your going through, my thoughts are that those feelings and temporary psyhosis stemming from the stimulants. Before I used stimulants I never had any insecurites psyhosis r anything of that nature. But after 3 years of abusin Coke meth and pills I became extremely paranoid. And nothing accentuated that paranoia like weed for me. I've found for me that marijuana, which I love, would signifcantly increase my psychosis. Now that I've been clean it's getting better though slowly but surely. My advice lay off the Coke meth and pills, Which were my 3 favorite drugs lol.

 

[Moguta]

ha yeah I have to stop smoking pot. Every time I smoke it now I get really anxious and can't really participate in conversation properly..

Yeah stopping all the stimulant shit now (haven't had any in a week which is probably the longest It's been in years lol >.<) but still kinda vainly hoping that I'll still be able to get stoned which I know isn't true... Sigh.

 

[sam123]

My drugs of choice were iv meth and coke, which Left me with some pretty bad paranoia and psychosis. I still smoke weed And the longer I'm clean from stimulants the more I can enjoy being stoned so maybe once you got some clean time try the weed again. I still trip out sometimes when I'm stoned but more and more each day I'm clean from stimulants smoking weed us becoming more enjoyable .

 

[Moguta]

Yeh I never IV'd but that's only because I never had the opportunity really. Guess I should be thankful IVing isn't very prevalent within the drug scene I was involved in.

I was getting on the pipe with ice with increasing regularity before I lost my job (it was very easy to get a hold of through my work) even dreaming about filling a bowl and smoking it sometimes...

Ah well - I look forward to being able to enjoy pot socially again eventually

 

[Depressicaa]

Lexapro might take a while to work, if you have any benzos they work really well for taking away the edge that weed gives me regularly. For me it was a traumatic few months that I was working that gave me paranoia.

I don't really like taking another drug for a drug, but since I am already using the benzo why not smoke haha.

 

[Moguta]

yeh I've got benzos but only temazepam for sleep. Would do the trick - hadn't thought of trying it but also makes meh pretty tired.. understandably.

 

[Depressicaa]

It could work, but try it at your own risk, I have never tried that one before, and as far as I know, it could work. Maybe try it a lower dosage, and maker sure you aren't driving, theres a lot of people who have accidents due to benzos and driving.

Your doctor might prescribe you something else like Klonopin for all day anxiety relief or Xanax for anxiety attacks (if occasional).

Ah I hate to just mention drugs and not something more mental! Drugs become another layer of complications, a factor in an already very complicated world! Something that occasionally helps me with anxiety is working on something so very important that their words don't mean anything. Maybe if you brought some sort of hobby with you such as an origami book, a game system or whatever you could be too occupied to worry, although the game system might be antisocial in its own right...

 

[Moguta]

I've done my research on temazepam yeh - It'd do the trick so long as I stayed awake and didn't take more than a few. Too much temazepam = blackouts and complete loss of co-ordination.
Yeh I've started to realize recently that music can be the best anti-anxiety whilst high counter measure. Needs to be the right music and loud enough for me to pay almost full attention to it though.

My doctor knows that I'm a drug abuser though so I think they're reluctant to prescribe me anything that could be abused/is addictive. The lexapro is supposed to help with ansiety so fingers crossed on that one once it starts working..

 

[n3ophy7e]

I really think you need to speak to your doctor about these paranoid symptoms you're having, especially if you haven't been experiencing anxiety like this before. There are heaps of other types of meds for anxiety out there, other than benzos. So try not to be in the mind-set that benzos are the only answer, cos they're not They do have a huge addiction potential too so doctors are right to be reluctant to prescribe them.

Anyway, good luck and keep us updated on how the lexapro is going. Oh and one last thing, I saw in another thread that you're drinking frequently. PLEASE be really careful with combining benzos and alcohol, it is a really dangerous mix.

 

[prayersfor.rain]

I agree with n3o, talk to a dr.!
I'm on risperdal (antipsychotic) and my doc once said "the risperdal's been taking care of your paranoia and hallucinations, right?" so hey, that might help you. I used to get really paranoid. I thought my life was like the truman show movie, everyone watching me, laughing at me (and of course plotting my slow & embarassing demise). I didn't even trust my parents. But since being on risperdal I haven't had a problem with that. Or hallucinations for that matter. And I'm pretty sure you wouldn't want to abuse risperdal. They gave me too much at first and nothing great happened, I just drooled everywhere constantly and 10 minutes after taking it I was snoring in bed. Not much fun in that!

And like others have said, it's best to cut down on the pot & stims, or cut them out completely.

 

[Moguta]

My doctor is aware to a certain degree already but I'll be bringing it up in greater detail at the next opportunity.

I don't plan on combining benzo's and alcohol - I tried that one once and had a complete blackout with no idea how long it lasted.. Apparently I was stumbling around the house being rather noisy at 5am and managed to break a heap of stuff in my sesh room. With only a couple of glasses of vodka and coke too. Lesson learned I guess

@pfr yeah I'm cutting out all the 'party drugs' completely and trying to stop or at least cut back on the pot..

 

[QuasiStoned]

Have you noticed any reduction in these strange thoughts patterns since cutting out the stims? Whatever you do, steer clear of them. You might (and I stress *might*) be able to smoke weed every now and again but abusing stims destroys your mind. Of course, the brain is pretty remarkable and can recover from a lot but I would try not to avoid playing with your sanity by using speed in any form.