Try forcing yourself to do one thing per day that means something to you.
This is excellent advice and it's worked for me. One thing I highly recommend, even if it's not the "meaningful" thing you do that day, is to force yourself to go running or do intense cardio in the morning.
Some people get endorphin highs off doing weights. That never really worked for me. Surfing is perfect but it depends on location, and I also think that it's critical to choose an activity that you can engage in within an hour of waking up.
Even when I'm clean and fighting my normal depression, my motivation seeps away during the day so it's important to hit it as quickly as possible. That way, no matter how the rest of the day goes, you've accomplished one positive thing for yourself.
And that positive thing will not only be combating your depression with the endorphins it produces, but it will be re-training your brain to produce its own endorphins. So you're healing yourself from your addiction at the same time.
When I was absolutely dead-depressed and suicidal, I forced myself to go running everyday, and it made a huge difference in my life. Probably kept me alive. From a psychological viewpoint, no matter what else happened that day, I had accomplished something positive for myself.
Hopefully you're not suffering from an injury. Intense exercise is really fucking amazing at improving life after opiate addiction. If you're injured, or you're older, then take it a bit slower, but 45 minutes to 1 hour of fast breathing and sweating a day will really make you feel better.
Then start adding regular musical performance, recording, creative activities. More outdoor activities, martial arts or yoga, meditation, even walking a lot will really help to improve your post-dope life. And they'll help to keep you dope-free.
There were a few periods in my life where my life consisted of doing all of this stuff and working in a creative field. And life was pretty good.
After having suffered a couple of spells of full addiction, deaths and losses and a pretty traumatic spell of injury and re-injury and massive depression, I look at a life like that and think I'd be thrilled to be leading it after having gone through this shit.
Maybe it will work like that for you too. You've battles in front of you, but you definitely also have battles you've fought. Being addicted to dope and fighting depression isn't that easy actually. It's pretty rough. You've toughened up a bit and learned a lot about yourself I'm sure.
I wish you the best and hope that you can gain some peace and satisfaction soon.
