Withdrawing from an 8 year oxy and herohin/fent addiction i need help

[curtamagurtTHC]

Hi everyone, I'm currently at exactly 4 days 1hr and 26 minutes clean from smoking fent all day usually spending about 325 every 5 days. I've been on 3x 300mg gaba every 6-8hrs around the clock and taking .25 -.5mg alprazolim(xan) every 6 hrs or so. Also smoking heavy indica every few hrs. Feeling alright and co fused because I've never gotten to day four without being unable to sleep from day 1 untill now. The only symptoms I'm feeling are lethargy , increased appetite and dizziness. Any advice on my recovery going forward? No one but my girlfriend knows about my addiction. I could use any advice please. This is my 6-7th time trying to get clean. Tried methadone taper,subs,kratom (which worked amazing, but I can't afford it right now)

 

[Jabberwocky]

i have no idea about fent cos we don't have it as much in the uk, BUT i have plenty experience of withdrawal off dark and sometimes it just genuinely wasn't as bad as it 'should' have been given usage + duration of usage. you might have got a lucky break. sometimes it was utterly shit even if i'd used comparatively little for not very long though, swings and roundabouts. everything else you're using is probably masking the withdrawal a bit too.

well done on getting this far!!!!

withdrawing off the physical habit is only the beginning though. to maintain being clean, you need psychological help to address why you were using in the first place. try mutual aid groups (i go to NA) and get some 1-1 therapy if you can.

 

[curtamagurtTHC]

i have no idea about fent cos we don't have it as much in the uk, BUT i have plenty experience of withdrawal off dark and sometimes it just genuinely wasn't as bad as it 'should' have been given usage + duration of usage. you might have got a lucky break. sometimes it was utterly shit even if i'd used comparatively little for not very long though, swings and roundabouts. everything else you're using is probably masking the withdrawal a bit too.

well done on getting this far!!!!

withdrawing off the physical habit is only the beginning though. to maintain being clean, you need psychological help to address why you were using in the first place. try mutual aid groups (i go to NA) and get some 1-1 therapy if you can.

Thanks for the advice, that's kinda what I was hoping. I recall the 3rd or 4th time I got clean the stuff i was getting was really weak for 2-3months prior to going cold Turkey and by day 4 i was already outside power washing my parents patio, I was talkative, energetic.. and that time I didnt have xanax or gaba or weed. Yet I was feeling ontop of the world by day 5 or 6. the thing is that I'm worried it's going to start getting worse or something, like I may have just delayed the inevitable. Because for the past 1.75-2.25 years I've been smoking at least. .5g-1g of dope made from 50% traditional dope and 50% fentanyl (which is 50-100 times stronger than traditional dope gram for gram). And I smoked around the clock every day staying up for 3-4 days occasionally. I will keep updating the post each day if I can

 

[curtamagurtTHC]

Is NA as uncomfortable at first as I imagine it would be? I've been considering entering one of the meetings at my local community centers around where I live here in BC,Canada but I don't have the courage to go by myself and I don't know anyone else who is struggling with an addiction currently. If you have the time I'd love to hear about your first experience and how it may have changed once you actually became comfortable after meetings? I think I really just need a bit of confirmation from somebody who's actually gone there to know what it's like before I'm going to have the guts to go myself I'm sure you can probably understand that.

 

[Jabberwocky]

everyone at NA is generally really welcoming but it differs. i went to one in rehab where everyone was really cliquey and no one talked to us.

i'm kinda lucky in the i first went to NA while i was still using and i was a permanent mess. smoking crack in the toilets or nodding out. i was never pulled up on it even though now i consider doing that unacceptable, only ever treated with kindness and concern. i have no idea what anyone said the entire first 6 months. BUT one guy at NA convinced me to go to rehab. i didn't believe i was bad enough to go to rehab cos i wasn't homeless or injecting in my groin or whatever. there's quite a high chance i'd be dead if i hadn't gone to rehab cos i was pretty reckless with iv use. so i consider NA to have saved my life.

so, i was just oblivious when i went which did away with any social anxiety. when i came out of rehab, 2 stone heavier and no longer half dead looking, everyone at the meetings was so pleased and it gave me a massive boost. actually now i get more social anxiety than i did at the start and i don't really share in meetings where i don't know everybody anymore because i feel uncomfortable.

try a few different meetings cos there are different vibes, there are some i actively don't like and others i love.

actually someone at a meeting today said something pertinent to this- if there was a room full of people you didn't know with a table piled with your DOC, would you go in and use with those people? i certainly woulda, and wouldn't have thought twice, so why not go and recover with people you don't know?

there are some weird bits to NA, the serenity prayer at the end still makes me cringe every time and i've been going a year. it really really isn't religious, but a lot of people talk about god quite freely. and a lot of people just share 'i was fucked. this program saved my life' without really saying anything to substantiate it which pisses me off cos it gets boring after the hundredth time, and doesn't help newcomers to just be vague and arselicking.

you will get phone numbers of men/women (depending on if you're a man or a woman) and they really will mean it when they say use them. i've actually made a couple of decent friends there now too even though when i first went i thought 'no way do i wanna hang out with these losers' as if all the crackheads i was hanging out with weren't losers. ha.

at the end of the day, you have nothing to lose and a huge amount to gain, so try it. and if you think 'this isn't for me' try again a few more times.

i have my doubts about a lot of what they say but what is a fact is that its the only place i can go any night of the week and talk to a variety of people who have used like me and lived to tell the tale, and that is priceless.

sorry for the long ramble, i hope that kind of answers your question and if you have anymore questions let me know.

 

[curtamagurtTHC]

everyone at NA is generally really welcoming but it differs. i went to one in rehab where everyone was really cliquey and no one talked to us.

i'm kinda lucky in the i first went to NA while i was still using and i was a permanent mess. smoking crack in the toilets or nodding out. i was never pulled up on it even though now i consider doing that unacceptable, only ever treated with kindness and concern. i have no idea what anyone said the entire first 6 months. BUT one guy at NA convinced me to go to rehab. i didn't believe i was bad enough to go to rehab cos i wasn't homeless or injecting in my groin or whatever. there's quite a high chance i'd be dead if i hadn't gone to rehab cos i was pretty reckless with iv use. so i consider NA to have saved my life.

so, i was just oblivious when i went which did away with any social anxiety. when i came out of rehab, 2 stone heavier and no longer half dead looking, everyone at the meetings was so pleased and it gave me a massive boost. actually now i get more social anxiety than i did at the start and i don't really share in meetings where i don't know everybody anymore because i feel uncomfortable.

try a few different meetings cos there are different vibes, there are some i actively don't like and others i love.

actually someone at a meeting today said something pertinent to this- if there was a room full of people you didn't know with a table piled with your DOC, would you go in and use with those people? i certainly woulda, and wouldn't have thought twice, so why not go and recover with people you don't know?

there are some weird bits to NA, the serenity prayer at the end still makes me cringe every time and i've been going a year. it really really isn't religious, but a lot of people talk about god quite freely. and a lot of people just share 'i was fucked. this program saved my life' without really saying anything to substantiate it which pisses me off cos it gets boring after the hundredth time, and doesn't help newcomers to just be vague and arselicking.

you will get phone numbers of men/women (depending on if you're a man or a woman) and they really will mean it when they say use them. i've actually made a couple of decent friends there now too even though when i first went i thought 'no way do i wanna hang out with these losers' as if all the crackheads i was hanging out with weren't losers. ha.

at the end of the day, you have nothing to lose and a huge amount to gain, so try it. and if you think 'this isn't for me' try again a few more times.

i have my doubts about a lot of what they say but what is a fact is that its the only place i can go any night of the week and talk to a variety of people who have used like me and lived to tell the tale, and that is priceless.

sorry for the long ramble, i hope that kind of answers your question and if you have anymore questions let me know.

That certainly does answer my question I'm full thanks man, I'm currently still going strong. I'm at day 6/1hr/32min. Got myself 2grams of some more strong indica bud from one of the last dispensary in the city >< fucking rcmp and fed shutting down all the best ones all the while people are having their lives changed by using CBS and thc products and given a. We lease on life. The feds gotta swoop in and snuff that out quick. Cant have the population self reliant when it comes to their health and safety. How could they make money then?...its a sad truth that in the future it will be even harder to get CBS oils and products then it used to be back in 2002-2008 before an actual reasonable number of people discovered it's possible uses. People will be buying cbd/thc oils and shatter through randoz on Instagram and people they know through a friend of a friend if their lucky or make it them selves and are lucky enough to have a grow. And all those old people who currently buy their massive supplies of CBS and have never felt better will go back to the 3-5 diff meds their prescribed and lose all the mental and physical freedom they've briefly experienced as tho it never happened and was some wonderful dream. That they will try hard to keep in memory but after 6 months they will be back to having serious side effects and still experiencing all the most pronounced effects of their particular disorder such as Parkinson's. Its fucking sad man...

Wow..I tall to much sometimes hella antsy right now sitting in the dim of my living room while I hear my. Neighbor on his phone arguing with a coworker about some deal. (He drives a vintage Mercedes that fully restored so I imagine hes loaded. Aaaaand now my girls up and my peace and quiet will soon end for now hahah. Thanks again for the advice. I'll update again soon, only got 1mg of xanax left, 1x 5g dose of maeng da kratom, and enough gabapentin to take 3x300 2x per day for 5 more days and about 1.75g of strong indica which is a decent amount for me considering I get incredibly high very easy. I smoked from 14- (current age) 28 without ever taking a break for more then 1 week here and there over the years. But then I didnt blaze for the past year because my friend died of fentanyl overdose which made me incredibly paranoid to smoke weed while doing dope so I chose to do excessive amount of dope since he died to stay numb and now it's becoming really REAL if you get me. Hes gone.. hes actually gone and I miss him. Was like a brother to me, we'd been smoking together regularly since grade 10 in high school, he died may 31st 2017 and because his parents knew I was with him the night before they blame me for his death completely. Even tho he died the following day after purchasing some coke laced with fent (he never used opiates=zero tolerance). And within 10min if getting home from work that day he was dead in his bedroom only to be discovered 1 hour later when it was to late... I couldn't go to his memorial or and events held for him because my other closest friend who knows his parents better then I do told me how much they blame me for his death and it would make a huge scene if they saw me at any of his memorial events. He was a rock singer in a led zep cover band so they did 2 or 3 dedicated shows at local clubs and I could only watch video on YouTube shot by people I've never met. sorry for going on about this, no one else to talk to. Been with just my girl for 2.5 years (since I moved in with her) and never been coherent enough to realize how much that whole situation kills me. His mother even showed up on my parents front lawn wasted on Christmas night screaming at the top of her lungs "YOU KILLED MY SON, I KNOW YOUR IN THERE YOU SON OF A BITCH" I intern due to her getting me all pumped up call her a dumbass drunk and to go the fuck home. Threatened to call the cops as she had her German shepherd with her which is no different then a weapon as I know it's likely very protective. Then suddenly two men (her husband and other son) come up the street and made her get in the family van quick before the cops arrived without saying a word to me even tho I'm still calling her a drunk. The cops go to her home after they take off as it's only 3 blocks away from my parents place. They call back saying that she was just having a tough time because of the holidays and all that. Which I understood and ofcourse didnt seem unreasonable since she NEEDS someone to blame for his death and I'm the perfect scape goat. Wow okay done ramble. Didnt want to call the cops but she was waking up the neighborhood and making a scene and likely to do something crazy.. Update soon. Thanks again.

Can I use the actual drug names on this forum for diff substances or do I need to alter it slightly so it's barely able to be recognized or identified?