Lauren1978
Bluelighter
I was taking high dose oxycodone for decades, for a back injury and failed surgery, and was up to 180mg a day. For several reasons including the realization it could not continue - I decided to stop. But I wanted to try a "gentle" tapering.
I was not able to do that with oxycodone because I liked it too much. I could not reduce my dose for any length of time. But I was able to do that with methadone. I never "liked" methadone so I did not "always want more" (and since I truly hate opiate withdrawal, it was the best option). This was MY experience with methadone.
So I stocked up on the methadone beforehand and pondered when to begin the tapering. Then an unexpected death in the family made me decide that the next time my oxys ran out, I would not go back to them. I wanted to remember my life better than I was while on oxy's.
I started at what seemed like a reasonable comparable dose of methadone and though I missed the oxy buzz, I was not physically ill. Plus I was grieving anyhow, and perhaps ironically, I wanted to let myelf feel that.
Then I gently lowered the methadone dose by about 5% weekly. When I got to a dose that began to be difficult (happened 2-3 times ) I stayed on the lowered dose for 2 weeks - or until I had adjusted and it wasn't so hard, before again dropping 5%.. I also had 2 back procedures that legit helped my pain.
There were times I used loperamide as well.
The addiction specialist said this gradual tapering over months would be easier on my brain chemistry, b/c as most of us know, the PAWS is why we relapse, not the one week of hellish physical withdrawal. By gradually tapering, the drop in endorphins would be much less dramatic than a sudden cold turkey withdrawal (which I had done before). He felt that my natural endorphins would return faster this way. I think he was right.
That feeling of despair and zero motivation and aches and fatigue and all that, are far easier if you taper gently.
I KNOW you are already off the opiates - and yet you want to be on one. My only suggestion is you choose something that works BUT which you do not "love." I mention that since you said you "love subox" - Soooo, would you be able to give that up? Would you be able to gently taper off of it?
For ME, the "no buzz - but no withdrawal either" drug was methadone. But so much of this is like dieting. Lots of diets work but you have to choose one that will suck less, and therefore work better, for YOU.
**Also I found lyrica surprisingly helpful physically when I felt withdrawal symptoms AND in terms of cravings. Even now, over 2 years later, the cravings popped up during lockdown and I found a few lyrica left, so I took one and it really helped. It was also mildly sedating. I think lyrica (and probably gabapentin) act on some of the same receptors that opiates do, because I'm not the only fan of it for this.
Bottom line, this won't be painless, but it does not have to be hellish. The pain of using IS endless b/c you will end your life at some point. So staying on opiates forever, is not an option - It's literally a dead end.
Normally after a cold turkey withdrawal, they say it takes 90 days for some peace of mind, and up to 6 months before your brain chemistry is reproducing endorphins as it did before.
BUT you can do things to help it return faster!! Taper so your brain adjusts, and add laughter (watch comedies and hang with the funniest people you know), have sex, AND do something that requires utter focus and maybe gives you a rush (for me that was singing in a group and skydiving - seriously).
But you do you. And DO NOT BELIEVE THE LIE that you cannot be happy and funny and loving and lovable without "it".
You can. And it's worth it. Living a life of clarity and intention is intense and that means NOT numb.
And that means FULLY LIVING which is pretty sweet & always authentic. Plus my memory is so much better as are my relationships.
Keep us posted.
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