will it get better?

[DexysMidnightRuner]

I dont even really know why im writing this. Im just not in a good place today. I got clean back in september, and i was hoping things would get better. My boyfriend and I moved to San Francisco to get ourselves straightened out and under control, and I now have no friends, no job, no drugs.

I didnt think not being able to get a job would effect me so much. But I guess because I dont really have anything to do. I spend most of my time at home while my boyfriend is at work, and I know I need to get out and try and meet people but when your depressed it just doesnt really seem like an option.

I guess Im just looking for some friendly support that it will get better. I got hold of an 80 last saturday, and man I havnt felt so good in a long time. And I KNOW thats a bad sign. when you get clean your supposed to reinvent yourself, but I guess I didnt do it well enough. I fell right back into my procrastination and my self loathing. it hasnt gotten to the point its unbearable, Im just worried it will eventually.

I just wish I could get a job, or some energy to get out and do something. I wish I had some friends man Getting clean didnt really make anything better. Im still broke as fuck, Im still depressed, and things still go wrong. At least when I was using, I was high all the time to escape.

 

[MySecret]

Of course it will get better. Recovery sucks and is a long, long process. It doesn't always take months... It takes years, even decades for some.

You've just got to force yourself to do something positive. You've got to force yourself to quit procrastinating, get up and look for a job. You just might make friends.

You've also got to be willing to stay sober and want it enough. Self motivation is key.

I recommend this book to you. I just got it and am already glued to it. I was never much of a reader, but I assigned myself to read at least 10 pages a day. I hate reading, but it is so interesting and really makes you think about your life and how to fix it.

EDIT: THIS THREAD has a great deal of info and the book can be found there as well --OverDone

Stay strong!

“The only lifelong, reliable motivations are those that come from within, and one of the strongest of those is the joy and pride that grow from knowing that you've just done something as well as you can do it.”

- Lloyd Dobyns

And so finally after many more months of work, all the sages came back to him, and they had come to a unanimous conclusion that the wisdom of the world could be put into a four-word sentence. They told the king that this sentence expresses much. It is chastening in the hour of pride and consoling in the depths of afflictions. And I've reflected on this sentence this week. The sentence of their wisdom was: "This too shall pass."

I Corinthians 10:12

 

[crystalserenity]

I got clean back in september, and i was hoping things would get better.


And I KNOW thats a bad sign. when you get clean your supposed to reinvent yourself, but I guess I didnt do it well enough. I fell right back into my procrastination and my self loathing. it hasnt gotten to the point its unbearable, Im just worried it will eventually.
Getting clean didnt really make anything better. Im still broke as fuck, Im still depressed, and things still go wrong. At least when I was using, I was high all the time to escape.

Of coarse it gets better-way better. It does take time though. You say you failed at reinventing yourself when you are really just beginning. Once in my life I had 7 yrs clean n was very grateful the whole time. I remember feeling as u in the beginning n I feel that way now (starting over after a long run on opys). I have hope because I remember what I had before. I don't know if it would b for u, but the friends n contacts u make at NA meetings can really be one thing to pull u out of the slump u r in. Please don't quit trying n I know it will turn around 4 you. Keep talking on bl. Your in my heart as I know just where you r at. Love n Light.

 

[SececaRD]

I totally know how your feeling. I was going thru what your going thru as of about 3 weeks ago. I didnt have a job for 4 months. I relapsed after 2 1/2 years clean. Im going on 3 weeks clean now as of yesterday. Thinkgs will get better, I just took a dead end job just to get me out of the house. Just ger a job anywhere, even Mc Donalds which ive worked also it will improve your self esteem. Once you have a job you can continue to look for another one, its easier to find a job when you have a job is what Ive learned.

Keep your head up and try amd keep yourself busy. Either Go to meetings, go to church, do something to keep yoru mind occupied. Hope things get better

Sean

 

[MySecret]

I totally know how your feeling. I was going thru what your going thru as of about 3 weeks ago. I didnt have a job for 4 months. I relapsed after 2 1/2 years clean. Im going on 3 weeks clean now as of yesterday. Thinkgs will get better, I just took a dead end job just to get me out of the house. Just ger a job anywhere, even Mc Donalds which ive worked also it will improve your self esteem. Once you have a job you can continue to look for another one, its easier to find a job when you have a job is what Ive learned.

Keep your head up and try amd keep yourself busy. Either Go to meetings, go to church, do something to keep yoru mind occupied. Hope things get better

Sean

Working dead end jobs SUCK. Before I went to college, I worked several crappy dead end jobs in factories and restaurants.

To the OP: You need to find something that really interests you. Do you have a career plan?

You need to become extremely knowledgeable in that field of your interest. Become the BEST at it. People need professionals.

For me, I was really interested in electrical work and electronics. Maybe you could return to school as well?

After I went to school and finished, my studies did not stop here. Why? I wanted to be the best. I wanted to walk into a business with my resume and go to interviews full of information that set me apart from other applicants. I kept studying on my own time.

Now that I've done all this work to get somewhere, I feel as if I actually have a career plan. Job hunting has gone from having difficulty getting a job to getting a job after one or two interviews.

 

[DexysMidnightRuner]

I am planning on going back to college, i just have to wait for the next semester to start. my plan as of now is to go to community for addiction treatment and get my gen eds out of the way. once i get my certificate and i have enough credits i'm gonna transfer to the state college here and get my degree in technical theater. i just have to wait till the fall semester, which currently is a long way away.

as for hobbies and things i'm interested in, i like drugs, everything about them. like pharmacology, and how they effect us, etc. but i already know alot. so i guess i need to find something else, but thats always been the problem. i could never find anything that could keep my interest for long, besides drugs.

hopefully tomorrow i can drag myself to go walk around for more applications.

 

[MySecret]

I am planning on going back to college, i just have to wait for the next semester to start. my plan as of now is to go to community for addiction treatment and get my gen eds out of the way. once i get my certificate and i have enough credits i'm gonna transfer to the state college here and get my degree in technical theater. i just have to wait till the fall semester, which currently is a long way away.

as for hobbies and things i'm interested in, i like drugs, everything about them. like pharmacology, and how they effect us, etc. but i already know alot. so i guess i need to find something else, but thats always been the problem. i could never find anything that could keep my interest for long, besides drugs.

hopefully tomorrow i can drag myself to go walk around for more applications.

Mine too. Only problem with that is that once I have a great job and everything is going good for me, I start feeling like... yeah, I can just do it a little bit tonight. Then, next thing I know, I'm doing it every day. I end up screwing up and losing everything. Only way I have found success in the past was by distancing myself from drugs as much as possible. Pharmacology is so interesting to me, but researching it so much makes me end up going back because I think to myself, hey, it's not so bad... Problem there lies, I can't just stop there.

Complete rejection and abstinence from the entire thing is what kept me going before. Focusing on my career, focusing on bettering myself because I wasn't going to let this screw me up anymore. It wasn't long before I fell down again.

I've got to start all over again to get back to where I was. I'm not working at the moment since my recently being laid off. Just another excuse for me to screw up even more, I guess... Good thing I caught myself early on this time. Relapses are getting easier to manage and realization about bettering myself and staying sober are becoming easier to manage. It sucks not being high, but I like being able to support my family better.