Treatment Will I still do what I do sober?

[Stargazer]

Hey John-

Thankyou for yout reply. My detox has not gone as planned. At all.

I am starting day 3 w/o dope. I last used at 7pm Sat night. Its 5am Tuesday. Im fine right now....but not sure how long Im going to continue feeling fine.

So last use- Sat night at 7pm. Also only IV'd 3 bags insread of 7. I waited 22 and 1/2 hrs to start subs. I actually felt like shit at 12hrs. Which in hindsight I believe was gabapentin withdrawal. But I attributed it all to dope. I took 4mgs. Waited 40mins. I still felt horrible. Took 4mg more. That took a little of the edge off. I continued to feel bad. I was running low on gabapentin so I was spacing doses out, dramatically decreasing mgs, etc. i found and took-2,700mg of gaba-within an hour I felt stable.

So, Ive taken the strips-I have 2mg left. Im planning on not taking that until tomorrow. I just wasn't getting real relief from subs. I attribute that to my inexperience w them. I wish I had 3more to cut into small pieces as I had planned.

I have learned that subs take a little time to begin working as your body is re-calibrating. All I can do right now is get some loperamide to get through the rest.

Im starting day 3 and don't want to re-start. This has sucked. Phew! And you took the natrexone route???!!! Holy shit! You are quite brave. Ive witnessed precipitated w/d and administered narcan-both situations were clearly beyond horrifying. Esp narcan. I don't need to experience either. Its obviously just bad.

As of right now-I haven't craved dope. Even while feeling pretty darn bad. That is a blessing as Im frequently plagued w cravings. The initial break is the hardest. I have 3 days of not using a needle-I want it to continue.

Ive also called inpatient daily and no beds have been open. So that's where things are right now. How are you doing? I hope you check in.

 

[Stargazer]

***Edit-starting day 4 not day 3 of not using.

 

[the last dose]

Hang in there things do get better little by little and its all so fuckin worth it!. I was on high dose oxy for over 20 years daily and im almost 3 months now clean of opioids. So many things are different now after all them years on oxy taste, smell, the list is endless and almost everything is for the better. Paws is a bitch with sleep and energy but everything does come back and maybe more try to exercise through your ween and during paws. Im still doing all my hobbies fishing, atving, muscle cars. And the best part is no more dosing around the clock just to feel normal it will all be worth it trust me it was for me.

 

[Stargazer]

Hey last dose! If I've not yet said this- you've done a kick-ass job!! It's not easy to detox. And you did it. Isn't it the best feeling to be clean? I love it too. Truly.

Thanks for the encouragement. I don't feel the best right now-but it's tolerable. Im looking forward to getting through to the other side.

 

[the last dose]

Hey last dose! If I've not yet said this- you've done a kick-ass job!! It's not easy to detox. And you did it. Isn't it the best feeling to be clean? I love it too. Truly.

Thanks for the encouragement. I don't feel the best right now-but it's tolerable. Im looking forward to getting through to the other side.

Hi 10years, thanks i really appreciate it!! it really is a great feeling! worth every bit of the bullshit you gotta go through. I hope you start feeling better!

 

[jdfisse]

My only "have to's" today are shitting and breathing. Beyond that my life is filled with choices. It is an awesome freedom and an awesome responsibility. You are on your way to that. I love you because I understand you. I am rooting for you.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I am enjoying your posts jdfisse

johnl2: You are absolutely right, when it comes to effective tapers and getting off ORT it's all about going slow and steady. The slow definitely win this race! You are also very right about time being so crucial to recovery - it took time to develop the unhealthy habits using that we did, as well as those that went along with our using lifestyle, and it will take time for the body-mind to heal from that.

Once we have eliminated the unhealthiest of the habits we developed while using and have begun to replace them and institute healthier, more sustainable ones, it takes yet still more time for our brain's neurobiological wet-wiring to reorganize itself according to its new environment free from the constant bombardment by extraordinarily potent stimuli of our earlier substance use.

Keep up the good work! Are you working with a doctor johnl2? Do you have a therapist, supportive family or any communities you can rely on for support as you continue to move ahead and process whatever your journey requires?