Mental Health Will i still be me? im begging for answers

[Athena777]

Im about to start two medications: Zoloft (SSRI) and Risperidone (anti-psychotic). im not sure how ill react or if ill still feel like me..... im kind of lost in the dark here..... i mean will i feel happy or just numb? please im begging for some insight on these drugs. and will i not be able to use psychedelics? im a psychonaut and not only did i find myself with hallucinogens but they made it easy for me to love myself and be myself in front of people, with none of my usual anxiety. They also played a key role in bringing me to stop using heroin. i need some insight please.

 

[silverwheel]

Don't worry about not feeling like you. Be aware of possible adverse reactions, but don't sweat it any more than that. It's surprising how many of the feelings we associate with being "ourselves" don't actually need to be there. When the meds are right, they can close the gap between the person you wish to be, and the person you tend to be. When I found the right mood stabilizer (Seroquel XR), I was shocked at how much of my impatience and anger came not from any external source, but from a free-floating energy within me than was never under control, as profound as the difference between being on fire and not being on fire.

Give yourself time to adjust before trying any psychedelics. Once you've acclimated you should be able to mix them fine, though your meds (if they're right for you) will do the same job (being yourself in front of people, less anxiety) with considerably more subtlety, and will be safer long-term. There's a lot of unfortunate stigma surrounding psychiatric meds, but they have done a lot of good for a lot of people, and may do a lot of good for you as well. Give yourself time to adjust, and don't swear them off altogether if you have a bad reaction to one of them, or if one doesn't work well for you. Some people find the right med combo right away, but for most, it takes time and a good doctor to find what really works for you.

 

[herbavore]

I don't think you will lose yourself at all. It's all a grand experiment as we try to navigate inside and outside bringing them into harmony. Even what brings us into harmony one time may not a few months or years down the road. Just keep searching and experimenting with what feels true and right at any given time. Congrats on getting off heroin--that was a huge accomplishment. Relax, breathe and keep paying attention to the messages your body is sending you and I think you will know the right course to take. Silverwheel just wrote a great response above me and I would second much of it--especially staying away from psychedelics for the time being. You've probably learned all you need to learn from them anyway.

 

[DixiChik]

Hey Athena...I can only share my personal experience with Zoloft. It has saved my life, without a doubt. It's no magic pill, but those don't exist. It took years of trial and error. I started Zoloft in 1998. My dosage remained steady at 100 mg daily until I enrolled in PM. Of course, the first thing my PM doc wanted to do was increase AD to 150 mg. I tried increase, but went back to 100 mg. I wish, in my case they'd understand that CHRONIC PAIN exacerbates my clinical depression, not vice versa.

I am not familiar with Risperdone.

KUDOS to Herby and SW...I love reading your words. Jeez, spot on with "as profound as being on fire vs. not being on fire". I have a hard time finding that balance, as I juggle un-managed chronic pain and depression/anxiety. I need help so BADLY, too. I feel ya.

 

[Athena777]

Don't worry about not feeling like you. Be aware of possible adverse reactions, but don't sweat it any more than that. It's surprising how many of the feelings we associate with being "ourselves" don't actually need to be there. When the meds are right, they can close the gap between the person you wish to be, and the person you tend to be. When I found the right mood stabilizer (Seroquel XR), I was shocked at how much of my impatience and anger came not from any external source, but from a free-floating energy within me than was never under control, as profound as the difference between being on fire and not being on fire.

Give yourself time to adjust before trying any psychedelics. Once you've acclimated you should be able to mix them fine, though your meds (if they're right for you) will do the same job (being yourself in front of people, less anxiety) with considerably more subtlety, and will be safer long-term. There's a lot of unfortunate stigma surrounding psychiatric meds, but they have done a lot of good for a lot of people, and may do a lot of good for you as well. Give yourself time to adjust, and don't swear them off altogether if you have a bad reaction to one of them, or if one doesn't work well for you. Some people find the right med combo right away, but for most, it takes time and a good doctor to find what really works for you.

thank you so much. im sure my anxiety is just trying to psych me out before it all changes, i just hope the doctor is right about how well these should work. and im really crossing my fingers because my mental health problems were putting a strain on my relationship and it was making me feel helpless and like i was going to lose the man i love over something i cant control.

 

[Athena777]

I don't think you will lose yourself at all. It's all a grand experiment as we try to navigate inside and outside bringing them into harmony. Even what brings us into harmony one time may not a few months or years down the road. Just keep searching and experimenting with what feels true and right at any given time. Congrats on getting off heroin--that was a huge accomplishment. Relax, breathe and keep paying attention to the messages your body is sending you and I think you will know the right course to take. Silverwheel just wrote a great response above me and I would second much of it--especially staying away from psychedelics for the time being. You've probably learned all you need to learn from them anyway.

 

[Athena777]

thank you dixichik its always nice to know that there are other people fighting the same battle, especially when so many dont understand what it is to have mental illnesses, im glad you found meds that help; im hoping that ill be as lucky. i cant live with all of that pain, anxiety, and panic like i was at least not to that particular degree. i lost my job because someone broke into my home and i had a panic attack so bad i was 4 hours late for my shift and i was pushing the man i love away from me because i couldnt calm down about nothing..... so i made the appointment and today is day one of this trial and error process. im at 100mg also btw.

 

[DixiChik]

Hey again Athena...FWIW, the Zoloft will not have an "instant" effect. It could take weeks for you to feel the effects. DO NOT be discouraged. There are many adjunct "therapies" to ease your anxiety and help with those feelings of hopelessness. First and foremost...DO NOT self-isolate and withdraw.

Get out of your mind, literally, and go for a brisk walk or bike ride or swim. If you are not physically crippled, get ACTIVE now! Find distractions that are healthy for you, as you allow the meds time to work. Don't take a "wait and see" approach. Surround yourself with supportive friends or seek a therapist or both. I don't have any real friends. I'm old school, so "friend" has a totally different definition for me. My therapist has been a life saver. We need to purge those feelings, but not remain drenched in our own verbal vomit.

I'm sorry about your job and the violation of your home. Either of those events would throw us into a spiral. I can promise you this: I've survived a horrific childhood. My adult life has brought fires, floods, disease, injury, chronic pain, infidelity by DH, and soul shattering loss. Rest assured...There's more to come.

We can work our way through it all, but it does require WORK. Trust me. I'm here if you need to talk.

 

[RiseAgain]

I honestly think the risperdal is a really bad idea. You should listen to people who have taken it instead of doctors. Psychiatric patients are treated like lab rats and have no say in anything, it is a serious problem in mental health care. Instead of listening to the patient all the studies are based on the doctors observations because people with mental illness are supposedly incapable of understanding their own bodies. This leads to serious problems, like the long term denial of benzos causing addiction even though it was repeatedly reported by patients. It's the same mentality that lead to lobotomies (which are still performed, re-branded psychosurgery). For example a patient comes in in a state of psychosis and is given a tranquilizer, the patient becomes sedated and has drug induced parkinsonism as a side effect (very common with antipsychotics). The patient is no longer able to communicate or move quickly and the psychiatrist observes this and reports a reduction in symptoms. When the drug wears off the patient reports it made their symptoms worse and had horrific side effects but there were unable to communicate. The psyche then gives the patient another dose and the patient stops complaining (because they can't), and the psyche reports a reduction in symptoms. Rinse and repeat. This is how psychiatric studies have always operated and still do. IMO they could get the same result by hitting the patient over the head, or you know use electrodes to inflict brain damage or it that doesn't work they always have their trusty ice-pick. Anti-psychotics are just a more sneaky way of doing what they've always done.

Don't trust doctors, do your own research instead and speak to people who have taken these meds. It just might save your life. This is a good start: http://www.askapatient.com/viewrating.asp?drug=20272&name=RISPERDAL

I'd also advise you to look into the multi-billion dollar class actions that have been paid out by janssen & janssen to all the people who have been permanently damaged and killed by this drug.

 

[Athena777]

damn. thank you for the information man, that's actually the one i was mainly worried about, anti-psychotics kind of wig me out because ive watched them be prescribed to someone who didn't fit the diagnosis whatsoever and are now psychotic BECAUSE of being prescribed a drug they didn't need....

 

[Just A Guy]

A lot of times people are prescribed medications to treat the symptoms that recreational drugs are producing, and that's a recipe for disaster. Just mentioning this, since you've shared a bit about what you've been using throughout several forums here on Bluelight, and unless your prescribing doctor knows about them, you might be doing yourself more harm than good. Drug use often begets more drug use. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder back in the day... but kept my methamphetamine abuse to myself. I was prescribed meds, and I didn't take them, and eventually quit using methamphetamine, and the worrisome symptoms eventually disappeared.

 

[Mycophile]

I also think the Risperdal is probably a bad idea unless you truly need anti-psychotics, and according to some studies it makes it difficult or impossible to trip on psychedelics as well.

I have also heard it can have some really bad side effects.

I would at least ask your doctor why he put you on it and tell him you aren't sure you want to take it.

 

[Chatative]

damn. thank you for the information man, that's actually the one i was mainly worried about, anti-psychotics kind of wig me out because ive watched them be prescribed to someone who didn't fit the diagnosis whatsoever and are now psychotic BECAUSE of being prescribed a drug they didn't need....

Do you know why you are being prescribed the Risperidone?

It is a medication that does have a slew of side effects associated with it but I think if you stay on the lowest dose possible then that will minimize any of those. I think the only real thing to watch out for would be some slight sedation, although there is a fair chance that will diminish after a month or so of being on the medication. APs have a bad rep but if you truly need them then they can be a real game changer. I'm sure your doctor has good reasons though & with close monitoring there shouldn't be any need to worry.

As for psychedelics, the Risperidone most likely will prevent or diminish the effects of those to a large degree. I am currently on Risperidone & when I vaped some DMT, I got very mild effects & almost no real psychedelic effects from it. Consider that if you are starting on APs, then using powerful drugs like psychedelics is essentially working against the positive effects of the APs. Like others have said I would really avoid them for the time being & perhaps re-evaluate your position & need for psychedelics. I'm glad they have been a help to your mind set but you shouldn't have to be reliant on their effects for your wellbeing. Finding other ways of relief is surely the best long term goal.

 

[SixBuckets]

I take an antipsychotic and a mood stabiliser and I would chew off my own legs before I'd stop taking them. Antipsychotic medication is the best thing that ever happened to me. If you have symptoms serious to warrant antipsychotic treatment, please don't be discouraged by horror stories. A bit of weight gain and a (low) risk of dyskenisia is a much more enjoyable experience than living in the nightmare hell world we refer to as psychosis.

You'll still be you. I am still the same person I was before I was medicated - I just have normal human levels of emotions and a normal human grasp of reality. If anything, psych meds let me be more like myself, because I'm not spending all my mental energy on fighting against symptoms.

You may need to try a few things before you find the right medication. Only you and your doctor know if meds are right for you. Good luck.

 

[SixBuckets]

Not listening to the horror stories isn't a very balanced viewpoint. People have great experiences, but medication has wrecked many lives at various points in treatment.

Fortunately, we have things like clinical trials, which mean that data is freely available on how many people experience particular side effects on each medication that is on the market. People on the internet, however, tend to be a lot more vocal about their bad experiences than their good ones.

It's very easy to off yourself in this type if situation and there are certainly people that have.

It's also a suicide risk to refuse to take medication because someone on the internet told you not to.

I can honestly say that I wasn't myself at all on meds and I thought I was fine on them until my recent turn in my recovery from these drugs. I realized how much of myself I lost with the drugs. I lost my creativity, my sense of humor, my ability to comprehend and learn complex ideas, totally annihilated my memory and cognitive performance.

I'm really sorry you went through that experience, it sounds awful. It's not OK to imply that people on medication don't know their own mind and can't tell you whether or not they're "fine", though.

I've been medicated since I was nineteen and I've been through a few different regimes to find my current mix. I haven't had an episode in nearly six years. I work in a very creative and high pressure job, and volunteer teaching creative literacy to school aged kids. I'm studying at university and considering post grad. I am in a healthy, supportive relationship that's lasted nearly a decade. I am also completely hilarious, so it obviously hasn't impaired my sense of humour at all.

Different strokes for different folks.

I don't deny that medication doesn't have its place, for some people they are appropriate and life-saving, but it isn't a very HR message to ignore the risks that come with these substances. There are some very real risks and very severe side effects, some of which can be permanent.

And which need to be statistically rare, or the medication doesn't make it to the market.

I have experienced positive things from them and I think that zyprexa helped me learn to how to operate from a better place but I am moving on and finding alternative, healthier ways to deal with my own issues besides relying on drugs.

There is nothing 'unhealthy' about taking medication for a chronic illness.

Best of luck on your journey and I hope you find the healing and answers that you are looking for.

Agreed!

 

[casual1]

I was on Zoloft (sertraline) for about 18 months. It certainly reduced the feeling of depression but it also took away all the good feelings I had too (permanently). I was left with almost no emotions - I usually felt either angry or just numb. As Douglas Hofstadter says some people have bigger souls than others. Zoloft may not completely destroy your soul but you will not have much of one afterwards.

I have read about Rispiridone - I thought it sounded like the worst drug ever invented.

 

[SixBuckets]

Zoloft was like popping tic tacs for me. Did absolutely nothing - no change to mood, no side effects. I have a few friends who take it successfully, though.

Emotional blunting (which is what you've described, casual1) is a known side effect of SSRIs - it's not how they're supposed to work, and it only happens to a small minority of people. It's good to know about it so that you can recognise it if it happens to you and change meds. It has nothing to do with your 'soul'.

 

[Jadekins]

The thing with antidepressants and antipsychotics is that they're not there to completely kill off the bad feelings - they're there to help your brain's chemistry function properly.

Feeling numb is a sign that this medication is not right for you. Prozac did this to me - sure, it took care of the depression, but it took care of it by making me pretty much not care about anything. Effexor, on the other hand...I care about things. I care about them more than I can ever remember caring, but in a way that gives me motivation to fix what's wrong and joy at what's right, instead of soul-sucking sadness because stuff is wrong.

Finding the right combination of meds for my mental illnesses has led to me being more me ​than I ever was before.

 

[casual1]

The OP wants to know if the meds will change their identity, which is what some people refer to as a soul - the core self. There are many ways people interpret who they really are - for example their occupation, their body type, personality, who they have sex with, etc. Neuroleptics such as risperidone destroy the limbic system and are often referred to as chemical lobotomies. After taking neuroleptics people feel like zombies or robots - no emotions, no personality, no motivation, no pleasure.

I find it goes against harm reduction principles to tell people "if one med does not work you can always try another" (the mantra of the mental health industry at the moment it seems). The side effects from such meds are highly detrimental and often permanent. Every time you try a new med you acquire more negative side effects which cannot be cured.

I feel antipsychotic is a misonomer as this class of drug does not stop people being psychotic. For example: http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/m...-mental-health-time-bomb-20150817-gj15f5.html


Psychosis is a temporary condition, patients who do not take neuroleptics have better health outcomes than those who do. The invega sustana thread on this very subforum should be sufficient warning to anyone thinking of taking such drugs.

This forum has many stories from people who taken antidepressants and neuroleptics - plenty of information without too many big pharma shills: http://survivingantidepressants.org/

My advice would be to quit psychedelics and especially RC's. Stop smoking and drinking if you do. Focus on healing your brain naturally. This may occur if you give your own brain a chance by improving BDNF levels. Consume antioxidants (eg. green tea), get fresh air, exercise, eat fresh vegetables. Avoid saturated fats, high fructose corn syrups, refined sugars and stress. After 12 - 24 months you should be feeling much better. You won't feel much improvement straight away, just try to focus on each improvement as you notice it. Keeping a journal may help you with this.

 

[jammin83]

The OP wants to know if the meds will change their identity, which is what some people refer to as a soul - the core self. There are many ways people interpret who they really are - for example their occupation, their body type, personality, who they have sex with, etc. Neuroleptics such as risperidone destroy the limbic system and are often referred to as chemical lobotomies. After taking neuroleptics people feel like zombies or robots - no emotions, no personality, no motivation, no pleasure.

I find it goes against harm reduction principles to tell people "if one med does not work you can always try another" (the mantra of the mental health industry at the moment it seems). The side effects from such meds are highly detrimental and often permanent. Every time you try a new med you acquire more negative side effects which cannot be cured.

I feel antipsychotic is a misonomer as this class of drug does not stop people being psychotic. For example: http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/m...-mental-health-time-bomb-20150817-gj15f5.html


Psychosis is a temporary condition, patients who do not take neuroleptics have better health outcomes than those who do. The invega sustana thread on this very subforum should be sufficient warning to anyone thinking of taking such drugs.

This forum has many stories from people who taken antidepressants and neuroleptics - plenty of information without too many big pharma shills: http://survivingantidepressants.org/

My advice would be to quit psychedelics and especially RC's. Stop smoking and drinking if you do. Focus on healing your brain naturally. This may occur if you give your own brain a chance by improving BDNF levels. Consume antioxidants (eg. green tea), get fresh air, exercise, eat fresh vegetables. Avoid saturated fats, high fructose corn syrups, refined sugars and stress. After 12 - 24 months you should be feeling much better. You won't feel much improvement straight away, just try to focus on each improvement as you notice it. Keeping a journal may help you with this.

Nice post man. Good stuff.