shroomster
Bluelighter
Hello fellow bluelighters,
I'm going to make this short, sweet, and hopefully pronounced, so that I may get as many educated responses as possible.
I'll start from way back when..
I knew I was a smart kid. I remember that quite clearly; everywhere I went, from the age of eight, in starting a conversation with an adult, or even sometimes my peers, they would usually shower me with some sort of praise for an intelligence I never worked for.
At 16 I was reading books on quantum mechanics, understanding quite a bit of it. I spoke very eloquently. I would also be complimented for that quite often, as I had an unusually wide vocabulary for that age group.
then came meth.
No drugalogue. I just did a lot of it. I smoked meth from 16-17. Stopped. Shot it from 19-21. And I went out twice at 22.
I've been clean for the majority of 1.5 years.
I feel retarded and I don't mean for my actions. I am exponentially slowed down.
I have to read the same thing 10x to remember it. My vocabulary is shot. I can't remember new words for the life of me, give or take some here and there, and I AM a reader. I work hard to expand my vocabulary, but as soon as I remember a word, I forget it.
I used to be an EXCELLENT writer. Sometimes for shits and giggles I read some proes or essays I've written at 18, even 19, and I'm amazed that I wrote it. I was getting paid to write periodicals for a school at 20. My heaviest use, btw, came at 21. Shooting nearly everyday.
And it's not just diction - it's everything. I get confused easily. I ALWAYS feel like I'm under a clowd of minor confusion.
I could go on and on and on with my complaints.
Will I ever recover. Can brain cells regenerate? Can the neurons of the human brain regenerate old relationships, and perhaps make new ones?
WILL I GET BETTER
I'm afraid the effects of my drug abuse will be permanent. It's so depressing. I've often thought of suicide in hopes of being reborn..to start over. I hate what drugs have done to me.
I'm in college and I just start my major classes. I'm in a science, which as you know are complicated and ever expanding. I want my life to be about knowledge. I fear I'll never be able to get to where I want to go with this damaged brain.
I'm going to make this short, sweet, and hopefully pronounced, so that I may get as many educated responses as possible.
I'll start from way back when..
I knew I was a smart kid. I remember that quite clearly; everywhere I went, from the age of eight, in starting a conversation with an adult, or even sometimes my peers, they would usually shower me with some sort of praise for an intelligence I never worked for.
At 16 I was reading books on quantum mechanics, understanding quite a bit of it. I spoke very eloquently. I would also be complimented for that quite often, as I had an unusually wide vocabulary for that age group.
then came meth.
No drugalogue. I just did a lot of it. I smoked meth from 16-17. Stopped. Shot it from 19-21. And I went out twice at 22.
I've been clean for the majority of 1.5 years.
I feel retarded and I don't mean for my actions. I am exponentially slowed down.
I have to read the same thing 10x to remember it. My vocabulary is shot. I can't remember new words for the life of me, give or take some here and there, and I AM a reader. I work hard to expand my vocabulary, but as soon as I remember a word, I forget it.
I used to be an EXCELLENT writer. Sometimes for shits and giggles I read some proes or essays I've written at 18, even 19, and I'm amazed that I wrote it. I was getting paid to write periodicals for a school at 20. My heaviest use, btw, came at 21. Shooting nearly everyday.
And it's not just diction - it's everything. I get confused easily. I ALWAYS feel like I'm under a clowd of minor confusion.
I could go on and on and on with my complaints.
Will I ever recover. Can brain cells regenerate? Can the neurons of the human brain regenerate old relationships, and perhaps make new ones?
WILL I GET BETTER
I'm afraid the effects of my drug abuse will be permanent. It's so depressing. I've often thought of suicide in hopes of being reborn..to start over. I hate what drugs have done to me.
I'm in college and I just start my major classes. I'm in a science, which as you know are complicated and ever expanding. I want my life to be about knowledge. I fear I'll never be able to get to where I want to go with this damaged brain.
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