I think I really need to go away. Been thinking that for a long time. I went to a day treatment program for a while, even that helped...first time in years after that that I had a moment where i was genouinley happy and not on anything. Been a long long time again. that was only 6 weeks...and i got to stay home and just go to the building every day from 9-4. Feel like its something I need to do though. But theres a problem....I am taking benzos...not to get high they have 0 rec value now...Use them for seizures and they do help anxiety attacks and ptsd still...slightly take the edge off stabilizes a bit...cant take any ssri or anything like that has an opposite effect on me i get suicidal and jjitery just rage lol. Would any let me have them with me...Im guessing no....but dosnt hurt to ask..