gypsiejunkie
Bluelighter
Thanks, im really hoping to get past the resentment and blaming. i am defonately aware its unrealistic and childish but i cant change my feelings i guess
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why does sobriety look so unappealing?
- Thread starter gypsiejunkie
- Start date
mrflowers00
Ex-Bluelighter
you know one reason you find sobriety unappealing is because you grew up around addicts and became one yourself idk you personally but i would assume you don't know any other way of life addiction for me anyways after growing up around it and starting on my own addict path at such a you age has left being an addict as the norm
quidamsoul
Bluelighter
Sobriety seems unappealing for many reasons, in my opinion.
On one hand, you have the inevitable comparison of pleasure--once you have insufflated or inhaled grotesque amounts of stimulants or depressants, your brain has experienced floods of feel-good chemicals that cannot be matched in sober living by anything. The knowledge that even if you are having an orgasm while you are getting married while your firstborn is being brought into the world while you are winning the lottery, the combined euphoria can't hold a neurochemical candle to a mild speedball--that knowledge gnaws at my sanity every day, and makes sobriety inherently and permanently unappealing.
Then you have the preconceptions that us addicts often have regarding the muggles (non-users)--that they live boring, uneventful 9-to-5 existences, that they are often addicts themselves, whether to caffeine, sugar or good old consumerism, and that they "don't know what they are missing", are sheep-like conformists, etc. There is a certain rebelliousness to consuming drugs, and considering the numerous profound issues present in modern Western society, rebelling against it, on whatever level, even by just being an addict, has a romanticist charm to it.
Further, when you start a bout of sobriety, aside from any withdrawals, you stop experiencing many of the negative effects of drug usage (increased aggression, conflictiveness, irresponsibility, financial issues, comedowns, adverse reactions, etc), and you do experience the negatives of sobriety (boredom, depression, what not), while fondly and selectively remembering the 'highlights' of addiction, namely, the rushes, euphoria, etc. So from that perspective at that point in time, your addiction seems like it wasn't "that bad", and sobriety seems by comparison mind-numbingly dull.
Not to mention that immediate relatives with addiction points towards a) genetic predisposition towards addiction for you, which basically means your brain reacts to drugs in a more rewarding/addictive manner than average Joe, and b) there are some psychological issues possibly involved, such as redeeming your father's or other relative's addiction by being an addict yourself ("he was an addict, but he wasn't that bad, because I'm an addict too and I'm not that bad, I can't stop myself so it wasn't his fault if he couldn't stop himself either", etc. My girlfriend has been dealing with a similar issue for a few years now).
On one hand, you have the inevitable comparison of pleasure--once you have insufflated or inhaled grotesque amounts of stimulants or depressants, your brain has experienced floods of feel-good chemicals that cannot be matched in sober living by anything. The knowledge that even if you are having an orgasm while you are getting married while your firstborn is being brought into the world while you are winning the lottery, the combined euphoria can't hold a neurochemical candle to a mild speedball--that knowledge gnaws at my sanity every day, and makes sobriety inherently and permanently unappealing.
Then you have the preconceptions that us addicts often have regarding the muggles (non-users)--that they live boring, uneventful 9-to-5 existences, that they are often addicts themselves, whether to caffeine, sugar or good old consumerism, and that they "don't know what they are missing", are sheep-like conformists, etc. There is a certain rebelliousness to consuming drugs, and considering the numerous profound issues present in modern Western society, rebelling against it, on whatever level, even by just being an addict, has a romanticist charm to it.
Further, when you start a bout of sobriety, aside from any withdrawals, you stop experiencing many of the negative effects of drug usage (increased aggression, conflictiveness, irresponsibility, financial issues, comedowns, adverse reactions, etc), and you do experience the negatives of sobriety (boredom, depression, what not), while fondly and selectively remembering the 'highlights' of addiction, namely, the rushes, euphoria, etc. So from that perspective at that point in time, your addiction seems like it wasn't "that bad", and sobriety seems by comparison mind-numbingly dull.
Not to mention that immediate relatives with addiction points towards a) genetic predisposition towards addiction for you, which basically means your brain reacts to drugs in a more rewarding/addictive manner than average Joe, and b) there are some psychological issues possibly involved, such as redeeming your father's or other relative's addiction by being an addict yourself ("he was an addict, but he wasn't that bad, because I'm an addict too and I'm not that bad, I can't stop myself so it wasn't his fault if he couldn't stop himself either", etc. My girlfriend has been dealing with a similar issue for a few years now).
mrflowers00
Ex-Bluelighter
^ every addict i've talked too says the best happiest day of their life is when their child was born so i'd have to disagree that once you get high nothing will match it in how good it makes you feel many life events surpass how well drugs make you feel being sober is when i'm happiest but i'm a stone cold addict and can't stray away from drugs
quidamsoul
Bluelighter
^I was speaking of a more objective comparison. "Happiness produced" is a subjective concept--many things play into how happy something makes you, and the birth of children for an addict has innumerable joyful connotations; it is an immaculate, sinless product of your own flesh, the image of purity spawned from often ravaged lives. It is a form of redemption ("the one good thing I did with my life"), and as such, it's not just an enjoyable event, it is a moment that will be revisited time and again for inspiration, uplifting, etc. This is why "how happy something makes me" is an inherently subjective value. Conversely, "perfect high" moments are tainted by the painful memories of the darker consequences and moments of addiction, and in retrospective are generally not considered "happy" places to revisit--they generate anxiety and cravings when recalled, and possibly, [negative/accusatory] moral self-judgment, regrets, sadness.
But my point was not about happiness. It seems obvious that addicts are overall not as happy as sober people can potentially be (assuming their sober life is not going through a rough patch, or otherwise miserable). My point was about pleasure. I'd be willing to bet serious money that, comparing levels of measurable pleasure in the appropriate regions of the brain in real time, no sober life experience a rehabilitated addict can encounter will match the levels of physical pleasure the addict experienced in his "drug career". Sober life simply cannot stimulate your brain as much as we can stimulate it when playing with chemicals. No amount of babies feels as good as a speedball. Not unlike the way a retired porn star won't feel as much pleasure in a monogamous married life as she did in bisexual gang-bang orgies, but she will probably be happier banging her husband before sleep every other night.
But my point was not about happiness. It seems obvious that addicts are overall not as happy as sober people can potentially be (assuming their sober life is not going through a rough patch, or otherwise miserable). My point was about pleasure. I'd be willing to bet serious money that, comparing levels of measurable pleasure in the appropriate regions of the brain in real time, no sober life experience a rehabilitated addict can encounter will match the levels of physical pleasure the addict experienced in his "drug career". Sober life simply cannot stimulate your brain as much as we can stimulate it when playing with chemicals. No amount of babies feels as good as a speedball. Not unlike the way a retired porn star won't feel as much pleasure in a monogamous married life as she did in bisexual gang-bang orgies, but she will probably be happier banging her husband before sleep every other night.
gypsiejunkie
Bluelighter
Hahaha nice.. but yea i get what youre saying. kinda like how ive always confused intimacy with intensity
I have felt infinitely better making love to any of the women I have been in love with than I did fucking even multiple girls at once which I wasn't in love with but was highly sexually attracted to.. the difference I think is in the depth of the experienced in the mind.. fuck enough and another fuck is just another fuck and its only as amazing as a fuck can be... but going at it with all you got in the arms of someone who you share time with on this crazy blue ball.. whose presence around you makes you laugh and smile and can take a little of the harsh bite this life has.. is truely one of the highlights of life IMO. and im not talking that insane passionate puppy dawg love but what forms after if we are lucky.
With the drugs.. everything can become routine and boring, even speedballs.. combine boredom with the with the all to recognizable negative affects of drug abuse or addiction and you have the launching pad for a good recovery... Drug use brought me experiences that can be gotten no where else.. but alas the abuse of drugs actually became boring to me.. It was played out I had mixed everything with everything and taken it to the limit.. for me use of the drugs that have caused me problems is played out.
That being said I am happier in recovery all the time than I have been in the last fifteen years of abuse and i dont just say that because I need to convince myself. I think the big difference is i took a look at what drug abuse actually is and does and I really on a core level have no desire to do it any more.. and I think there is a big difference from no desire to do it and a strong desire not to do it.
With the drugs.. everything can become routine and boring, even speedballs.. combine boredom with the with the all to recognizable negative affects of drug abuse or addiction and you have the launching pad for a good recovery... Drug use brought me experiences that can be gotten no where else.. but alas the abuse of drugs actually became boring to me.. It was played out I had mixed everything with everything and taken it to the limit.. for me use of the drugs that have caused me problems is played out.
That being said I am happier in recovery all the time than I have been in the last fifteen years of abuse and i dont just say that because I need to convince myself. I think the big difference is i took a look at what drug abuse actually is and does and I really on a core level have no desire to do it any more.. and I think there is a big difference from no desire to do it and a strong desire not to do it.
onetwonine
Bluelighter
I don't understand the "sobriety is boring" sentiment. Drug dependence is boring. Horribly so.
cumberlandblues
Greenlighter
I haven't logged on in years but I had to touch on this. Yes maybe some people might have fulfilled and happy lives after they get sober, but I honestly believe some can't. I have had depression my whole life and social anxiety, I never had a successful romantic relationship in my life partially because of this but also because I'm too weak to change I guess.
Drugs were my girlfriend, and yes I've pawned things I missed, and I have regrets, but after sobering up for 5-7 months I miss the artificial happiness. I miss having a reason to look forward to my day, drugs (namely mxe and ketamine, and opioids) gave me an escape from my lonely pathetic existence. I don't think there's this proverbial 'light at the end of the tunnel' for me. I don't enjoy any of the activities I used to (video games, outdoors stuff), yeah I'm sober now (not counting pot and please save the lecture) and my life is hollow.
Everyday I fake being content and normal but all I want is to be happy, chemically induced or not. Maybe my problem is I didn't hit rock bottom, but living at home with no job or money at the moment (stopped working to sober up) isn't really something to be proud of. I've disrupted my parents life with my mental instability (never stole though) and I'm a financial burden. I am going to school but I have no desire to get a career and work for 30+ years at a job I hate, making money for someone else. I admit I have had a better life than most addicts but this isn't or shouldn't be a pissing contest about who's life's worse and what's misery and isn't.
TLDR: IMO it's case dependent, sobriety is hell to me and probably to many of you, but we lie through our teeth saying its peaches and cream, well not me, yeah I'm healthier now but why preserve misery? I just hate reading this 'it gets better' sh!t when it doesn't.
Drugs were my girlfriend, and yes I've pawned things I missed, and I have regrets, but after sobering up for 5-7 months I miss the artificial happiness. I miss having a reason to look forward to my day, drugs (namely mxe and ketamine, and opioids) gave me an escape from my lonely pathetic existence. I don't think there's this proverbial 'light at the end of the tunnel' for me. I don't enjoy any of the activities I used to (video games, outdoors stuff), yeah I'm sober now (not counting pot and please save the lecture) and my life is hollow.
Everyday I fake being content and normal but all I want is to be happy, chemically induced or not. Maybe my problem is I didn't hit rock bottom, but living at home with no job or money at the moment (stopped working to sober up) isn't really something to be proud of. I've disrupted my parents life with my mental instability (never stole though) and I'm a financial burden. I am going to school but I have no desire to get a career and work for 30+ years at a job I hate, making money for someone else. I admit I have had a better life than most addicts but this isn't or shouldn't be a pissing contest about who's life's worse and what's misery and isn't.
TLDR: IMO it's case dependent, sobriety is hell to me and probably to many of you, but we lie through our teeth saying its peaches and cream, well not me, yeah I'm healthier now but why preserve misery? I just hate reading this 'it gets better' sh!t when it doesn't.
quidamsoul
Bluelighter
cumberlandblues, I can relate with wanting to feel happiness, chemical or not--but I have found happiness in my chosen career path, and one of my largest motivators to get sober is my desire to excel in my field. A field wherein some can comfortably, as you say, work for 30 years making money for someone else (though if you are going to do that, why not pick a job you don't hate?), but one can also venture into business and actually risk your own money and reap significant rewards.
I don't know what your personality and preferences are like, but I'm sure that if I explored your psyche for a couple of hours, we'd be bound to find at least a short list of activities you can find happiness in doing, fields which you find interesting, and even business models to aim for that enable you to profit in accordance to your work, rather than just make some guy rich. All it takes is a little creativity to reformulate it into a job you can sustain yourself with, but we all enjoy something, don't you think?
On another note, I suspect you are using the notions of 'pleasure' and 'happiness' with an interchangeability they do no in fact possess. What chemicals induce in your brain is pleasure. It mimics what happens in your brain when you orgasm, meditate profoundly, eat chocolate, (all activities whose main or desired consequence is achieving this state of neurochemistry), or sometimes, when random crap happens in life, except that this random crap is extremely positive in the terms of your worldview. What I mean is that events, which have causes and consequences entirely unrelated to your neurochemical state, such as receiving your university diploma, caused by sustained effort and a desire to enter a professional field, with quality-of-life increase as consequence--the realization of a long-term goal or long-time dream (such as children) and the related empowering of belief in personal aptitude and capacity to achieve, the reaffirmation that life "pays out", that is called happiness. Moments of happiness, of different magnitude and intensity, also generate that neurochemical state we call pleasure. But pleasure is merely the "taste" of happiness. The life-reaffirming moment of happiness is the "substance", and without it, one can not speak of happiness. This is why addicts need re-dosing, but the happiness a child produces will cheer you up in your darkest hours until the day you die.
The neurochemical pathways we abuse as addicts have natural purposes--the pleasure pathways, via happiness, are perhaps meant for us to associate the perceived improvement of our lives with sheer pleasure, so that we tolerate spending months and years and sweat and tears into improving our lives. What we do as addicts is cheat the system--bypass spending time or effort, bypass improving or even properly sustaining your own life sometimes, and getting the reward for free (or for a few bucks from a connect). We want to be happy, but all we can buy is pleasure. After a while, you are jaded to pleasure, and when you run out, you have nothing to be happy about. Maybe you never did--maybe you haven't in a really long time. Drugs make us not need to seek happiness in order to feel its reward, which is why so many addicts enter a stasis wherein their life evolves reactively and out of necessity, rarely advancing due to the consequences of their addiction and a lack of motivation (easier to get high).
Long story short, my point is that achievements, education, a career and the like will not necessarily make YOU happy--it has to be a PERCEIVED improvement of your life for the trick to work. So set yourself up with goals that you actually wish you could do, and start busting your ass.
I don't know what your personality and preferences are like, but I'm sure that if I explored your psyche for a couple of hours, we'd be bound to find at least a short list of activities you can find happiness in doing, fields which you find interesting, and even business models to aim for that enable you to profit in accordance to your work, rather than just make some guy rich. All it takes is a little creativity to reformulate it into a job you can sustain yourself with, but we all enjoy something, don't you think?
On another note, I suspect you are using the notions of 'pleasure' and 'happiness' with an interchangeability they do no in fact possess. What chemicals induce in your brain is pleasure. It mimics what happens in your brain when you orgasm, meditate profoundly, eat chocolate, (all activities whose main or desired consequence is achieving this state of neurochemistry), or sometimes, when random crap happens in life, except that this random crap is extremely positive in the terms of your worldview. What I mean is that events, which have causes and consequences entirely unrelated to your neurochemical state, such as receiving your university diploma, caused by sustained effort and a desire to enter a professional field, with quality-of-life increase as consequence--the realization of a long-term goal or long-time dream (such as children) and the related empowering of belief in personal aptitude and capacity to achieve, the reaffirmation that life "pays out", that is called happiness. Moments of happiness, of different magnitude and intensity, also generate that neurochemical state we call pleasure. But pleasure is merely the "taste" of happiness. The life-reaffirming moment of happiness is the "substance", and without it, one can not speak of happiness. This is why addicts need re-dosing, but the happiness a child produces will cheer you up in your darkest hours until the day you die.
The neurochemical pathways we abuse as addicts have natural purposes--the pleasure pathways, via happiness, are perhaps meant for us to associate the perceived improvement of our lives with sheer pleasure, so that we tolerate spending months and years and sweat and tears into improving our lives. What we do as addicts is cheat the system--bypass spending time or effort, bypass improving or even properly sustaining your own life sometimes, and getting the reward for free (or for a few bucks from a connect). We want to be happy, but all we can buy is pleasure. After a while, you are jaded to pleasure, and when you run out, you have nothing to be happy about. Maybe you never did--maybe you haven't in a really long time. Drugs make us not need to seek happiness in order to feel its reward, which is why so many addicts enter a stasis wherein their life evolves reactively and out of necessity, rarely advancing due to the consequences of their addiction and a lack of motivation (easier to get high).
Long story short, my point is that achievements, education, a career and the like will not necessarily make YOU happy--it has to be a PERCEIVED improvement of your life for the trick to work. So set yourself up with goals that you actually wish you could do, and start busting your ass.
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Being addicted is absolute misery so why does sobroety look so fake and unappealing to me? I grew up in a family where my dad was an addict along with his whole family. I saw the damage done i still resent him to this day but for some reason excuse my own addiction. My whole family seems to glorify the tragedy of addiction especially when my uncle commited suicide. i dont even know why or how it seems to be a rite of passage in my family but that seems to be the case. I HAVE to get sober but fuck its all i know to be a fuck up and its hard to want to be succesful and happy...does that sound weird?? It does to me. Anyone else have this predicament?
I totally Understand this come from the same type family, A family who is all addicted, A Family who sell's the shit no joke right here at our home area's from the house's an yes House's they are that far off in it. An some who make (cook) the shit! I also an struggling with this, I need it... but all my LIFE from age about 5 I have been pretty well fucked up, An I just am somewhat scared of life with out it, life being sober no junkies> WTH is that life about NEVER lived it or been around it! Message me if you want maybe we help each other
I totally Understand this come from the same type family, A family who is all addicted, A Family who sell's the shit no joke right here at our home area's from the house's an yes House's they are that far off in it. An some who make (cook) the shit! I also an struggling with this, I need it... but all my LIFE from age about 5 I have been pretty well fucked up, An I just am somewhat scared of life with out it, life being sober no junkies> WTH is that life about NEVER lived it or been around it! Message me if you want maybe we help each other
cumberlandblues
Greenlighter
I'm glad you found happiness, but we all know the job market isn't like grocery shopping. As for a career, I shit you not, there is nothing that sounds appealing to me. With my education I'll probably end up doing some office job or other mundane task. I could fantasize about being the editor for high times or some other dream job but that's not reality.
I hate to sound jaded but I honestly could give a fuck what I do for a career, there's no fulfillment in working to me. At my current education level (some college aka high school diploma only) I can ONLY get shit tier jobs like dunkin donuts and retail, minimum wage with no way to make a living. I could take out loans and start something but I have no knowledge skills nor the desire to rack debt to chase a pipe dream. [edit: I am finishing up my associates in general studies but IMO it won't be worth much, really only going back to seem like life's back to normal, do I really care ,not really.]
I enjoy some things music helps as a lot of artists I like have gone through similar things, but I'm not gonna realistically think I can make it in that world. I hate to sound rude but I hate the blind optimism you see in recovery threads, I respect you are trying to avoid the bad, but the world is a cruel cruel place. Most people pick jobs based on money, a means to an end, for most people it's not an option to chase your dream. Fuck all the teachers who lied to me as a kid with that bullshit.
I'll cut it short because my posts aren't productive to the purpose of persuading someone sobriety is worth it, but for me I think it's not. Yeah my family's happy now and I'm glad for em, but fuck am I miserable. I know when I get another shit job (inevitable, since I can't get much from mom and pops anymore) I'll get another habit and be unhappy, because yes drug addiction is a shitty lifestyle, with the constant worry about running out etc, but it's a lot better than feeling nothing at all, at least then I can wake up and look forward to peace (my fix), not loneliness and self loathing.
I've contemplated suicide for years but I keep trying to push on knowing its not gonna change. I guess it's destiny.
I hate to sound jaded but I honestly could give a fuck what I do for a career, there's no fulfillment in working to me. At my current education level (some college aka high school diploma only) I can ONLY get shit tier jobs like dunkin donuts and retail, minimum wage with no way to make a living. I could take out loans and start something but I have no knowledge skills nor the desire to rack debt to chase a pipe dream. [edit: I am finishing up my associates in general studies but IMO it won't be worth much, really only going back to seem like life's back to normal, do I really care ,not really.]
I enjoy some things music helps as a lot of artists I like have gone through similar things, but I'm not gonna realistically think I can make it in that world. I hate to sound rude but I hate the blind optimism you see in recovery threads, I respect you are trying to avoid the bad, but the world is a cruel cruel place. Most people pick jobs based on money, a means to an end, for most people it's not an option to chase your dream. Fuck all the teachers who lied to me as a kid with that bullshit.
I'll cut it short because my posts aren't productive to the purpose of persuading someone sobriety is worth it, but for me I think it's not. Yeah my family's happy now and I'm glad for em, but fuck am I miserable. I know when I get another shit job (inevitable, since I can't get much from mom and pops anymore) I'll get another habit and be unhappy, because yes drug addiction is a shitty lifestyle, with the constant worry about running out etc, but it's a lot better than feeling nothing at all, at least then I can wake up and look forward to peace (my fix), not loneliness and self loathing.
I've contemplated suicide for years but I keep trying to push on knowing its not gonna change. I guess it's destiny.
quidamsoul
Bluelighter
I don't understand how one can contemplate suicide as an option, but debit to chase a pipe dream? Heavens, no!
The job market isn't that cruel everywhere, nor for every skill set. You can always join the military, the benefits are excellent. And if life is really that intolerable, I'd be more than willing to sell everything and buy a one-way ticket somewhere else and just start from scratch and see what happens. It beats suicide, and it might even beat unhappy, cyclical abuse. I don't want to be too "blindly optimistic" or corny, but hell, a couple classes on writing or journalism can help you get into some small online weed magazine, and you work your way up, while busting your ass at a shitty job to pay the rent while you chase those pipe dreams. Or maybe you just work a shitty job and live on a strict budget while you save up to open a medical marijuana store, where you are your own boss and make a decent living while smoking limitlessly. There is just so many crazy ass awesome ideas I would try before contemplating suicide. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Failing? Shit, that ain't got nothing on a mean withdrawal.
The job market isn't that cruel everywhere, nor for every skill set. You can always join the military, the benefits are excellent. And if life is really that intolerable, I'd be more than willing to sell everything and buy a one-way ticket somewhere else and just start from scratch and see what happens. It beats suicide, and it might even beat unhappy, cyclical abuse. I don't want to be too "blindly optimistic" or corny, but hell, a couple classes on writing or journalism can help you get into some small online weed magazine, and you work your way up, while busting your ass at a shitty job to pay the rent while you chase those pipe dreams. Or maybe you just work a shitty job and live on a strict budget while you save up to open a medical marijuana store, where you are your own boss and make a decent living while smoking limitlessly. There is just so many crazy ass awesome ideas I would try before contemplating suicide. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? Failing? Shit, that ain't got nothing on a mean withdrawal.
onetwonine
Bluelighter
Look bud life isn't rosy especially if you approach it with that kind of attitude. Changing your life for the better is all on you. You're right about "it gets better" being a bunch of BS. Life doesn't just magically get better you will get out of it what you put in.
The only way to justify giving up is convincing yourself that you are incapable of changing your life or that you don't deserve a better life.
You MUST develop enough self confidence to go out there and better your life for yourself.
Mr.Scagnattie
Bluelighter
Very true. Sitting around a wallowing in self-pity, telling yourself how shitty your life is going to be, isn't going to get you anywhere.
Life is for takers. You need to actively change your own situation, and it's very possible. People do it everyday.
You just need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start making small changes to get you to where you want to be. You don't have to be a millionaire, working the perfect job, with the hottest chic/guy, in the best house, etc, to be happy.
You can live a good, modest life, and it's right there for the taking.
cumberlandblues
Greenlighter
You guys are right. I am in a better place now since I posted last, I was quite depressed that night.
I've made changes in my life, I signed back for school and I should have a two year degree after this semester. I'm trying to look more positive at each day, since like you mentioned no point in wallowing around. Hopefully the cravings go away and it just becomes memories.
I don't plan on suicide, I plan on sticking it out, but I would be lying if I didn't miss my old life.
I've made changes in my life, I signed back for school and I should have a two year degree after this semester. I'm trying to look more positive at each day, since like you mentioned no point in wallowing around. Hopefully the cravings go away and it just becomes memories.
I don't plan on suicide, I plan on sticking it out, but I would be lying if I didn't miss my old life.
angeleyes
Bluelight Crew
YES
When I was 17 all of my friends escalated from daily weed smokers to smokin meth together every weekend (this literally happened one weekend and then every weekend after that 3 years later) and I was out of town the first weekend they all did it.
Because I wasn't really a fan of spending $500+ in a night to sit in a room and be cooked as, I never did it, but I'd chill with them and then go to bed at like 12am-2am on a Sunday morning, wake up 11am Sunday and see them scattered as and hating life with an empty wallet and a comedown like a bitch.
That's what keeps me off, the glamour and euphoria etc is appealing yeah sure, but remembering the lingering effects like the comedown and the negative thoughts and general shit mood for 2-4 days is what keeps me off, let alone the financial side of it, YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE #YOLOSWAG so why be riddled with mental health problems for the next 50+ years to get high for a few dozen weekends.