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Why do we feel the need to connect?

EyesSizeOfTheMoon

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Why is it that we feel need the need to connect with one another? We always seem to be looking for some type of support and closeness with one another whether it be to find your significant other, or having friends. Hell even in prison they know that solitary confinement is a huge consequence of acting up because we tend to go crazy and lonely without any human contact.

I got to thinking about this today when I was sitting on my couch and my cat came over and was rubbing on me just so I could pet it. Not for food, but just for the sake of me giving her the affection and love she wanted from me at that moment.

So what drives us to seek out the attention of others? Is it just brain chemicals or could it have a deeper meaning? What do you guys think?


(Sorry if this thread isn't in the right place)
 
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Most people are trained from a young age to seek acceptance from others (clean clothes, good grades, 'go make friends', etc...)

By looking to others to define your self-worth, you're forfeiting something essential, deep inside of you...
 
dont be sad but...

Its a survival instinct left over from when we huddled together in caves.. not everyone had these instincts or does today and its anyones guess whether or not we need them in our current world but I think that most people do. It is possible even likely that new instincts are developing but primal ones are hanging around.. same reason your cat wants your attention its domesticated and never really matures.. so it depends on humans.. doesn't mean were not all connected somehow, just not like that I don't think..
 
about which are you wondering?

I got the impression that the op was thinking more about the not wanting to be alone thing, than the I want to have friends and make people like me.. Its definitely learned behaviour if you are talking about acceptance and bonds with friends and family, although not everyone learns. But its still possible that even these new behaviors have roots in our primal instincts..
 
It could be possible that this was left over from the sub-conscious "instinct part" of the mind. as caveman, we grouped together to have better odds of survival; more chances at food, mating, protection. now that we are societal modern beings, this has evolved into a need for the sake of socializing. your cat seeks your affection because it knows you provide so much n is grateful for such a thing. its not that its seeking your affection, its that it wants to give you its affection.
 
i didnt think so..

aren't they the same thing?

We have instincts which differ from social behaviors. Social behaviors could be rooted in instincts. I think that automatically makes them different. Who knows why the cat is affectionate besides the cat but its there because people bred the instincts out of them as much as possible. If you let your cat outside and it survived on its own skills and not human support it could be almost wild and its instincts could be to avoid you..
 
Why do we need the approval of others to define who we are?
some people do and some people don't.

i believe we feel the need to connect because we are, by nature, gregarious animals, likely for evolutionary reasons (we're more likely to survive as a species if we use the advantages that being part of a group provides?)

alasdair
 
We seek to connect in order to overcome the pain inherent in individual existence.

If you're a spiritual person, connecting with others serves as a reminder that the feeling that you're ultimately completely alone is a grand illusion. If you're not a spiritual person, connecting with others bolsters the necessary delusion that you're not ultimately completely alone. Though there is a world of difference between these two in terms of their starting premises, the effect is the same, and therefore I'd say so is the motivation.
 
Most people are trained from a young age to seek acceptance from others (clean clothes, good grades, 'go make friends', etc...)

By looking to others to define your self-worth, you're forfeiting something essential, deep inside of you...

I thought that was such a pessimistic attitude, honestly i want to be around people because I love them, i love sharing affection, and connecting with people. I connect with peace in my own heart all the time but that which is in me is also in everything. And I love connecting, talking, laughing together.... I love my girlfriend, my family, my animals, the trees... I dont do it because it was learned or because im avoiding something.... I do it because I love people and people are loveable and beings are great. I dont like most of the posts in this thread.
 
whats not to like?

I thought that was such a pessimistic attitude, honestly i want to be around people because I love them, i love sharing affection, and connecting with people. I connect with peace in my own heart all the time but that which is in me is also in everything. And I love connecting, talking, laughing together.... I love my girlfriend, my family, my animals, the trees... I dont do it because it was learned or because im avoiding something.... I do it because I love people and people are loveable and beings are great. I dont like most of the posts in this thread.

It good to understand that we are animals with instincts.. how evolved or advanced would be an opinion.. I think its more healthy to understand science than believe there are special forces at work.. we are already special, we shouldn't look for explanations outside ourselves because we have unlimited potential.. well some of us.
 
I didnt talk about anything outside myself.... I said peace within my own heart... and whats in me is in everyone. I didnt talk about special forces. Im very familiar with science im a psychology major....
 
maybe not..

I didnt talk about anything outside myself.... I said peace within my own heart... and whats in me is in everyone. I didnt talk about special forces. Im very familiar with science im a psychology major....

All I was saying was all of our emotions are based on instincts. They have to if you agree that we have and are evolving.. that is my point.. when we let our instincts determine what we do then we are moving backwards.. I feel love. But I undrstand (I think) where that evolved from.. does anyone or anything choose what they love? Maybe or maybe not, the best we can do is strive to understand ourselves completely so we can make good decisions. Does the idea that love is something that all animals with more than a brain stem feel? From what I understand the willingness to put others before yourself is an instinct that stops animals from prematurely abandoning their young, or not eating them.. Does that take away from the love I feel for my daughter or does it help me deal with the my emotions. Since you are a psychology major and I dropped out of high school maybe you can tell me? I am genuinely interested in intelligent discussion and appreciate the oppurtunity that bl gives us to have discussions..
 
One of the things I get from your post is a kind of trivialization of love, you seem to be saying since anything with more than a brain stem can feel love its not as significant. That may not be your direct point but thats something ive got out of what your saying. Love is beautiful, real, intense, and one of the driving forces of humanity. Whether or not you give religion a grain of salt or not every single one of them has been putting a great emphasis on love since the beginning of time. Theres a reason this is so, with love towards all beings we bring happiness to ourself and others, when we are loving we feel a kind of peace, we dont feel so alone we feel connected. You seem to think that putting others before ourselves is merely just a mechanical reaction given to us by our genes. I choose to look at compassion and love as more than just instinctual automatic evolutionary adaptions to help our species survive. I see them as spontaneous acts of care, tenderness, compassion, love that is born out of seeing the oneness of all things, and bred from knowing how all people want happiness and to avoid suffering. Kindness, love and compassion are things that need to be nurtured, and contemplated but when you look at them as such mechanical evolutionary devices it takes all the humanness out of it. Ive seen so many people that talk literally exactly like you, its the die-hard science folks when they start discussing humanity to me it always comes off as cold, and mechanical. Dont get me wrong im not calling you cold, I dont hate science but I feel like your viewpoint is the materialistic view point that I could never care to live with. Ive found truth in what the great sages/mystics/contemplatives have been saying for 5000 years, ive experienced and had glimpses of what they say. Once you have a glimpse you cant ever go back to that way of seeing. If your interested in science/religion I can recommend you a book by the Dalai Lama called a universe in a single atom. Excellent book.


The Universe in a Single Atom: The Convergence of Science and Spirituality:

Fascinated by science since boyhood, the Dalai Lama, unlike fundamentalists who resist scientific realities, has become convinced that a dialogue between religion and science will advance the wisdom of both disciplines and greatly benefit humankind. He explains why in illuminating explications of how Buddhism and science are both predicated on focused observation, reasoning, and the ability to abandon outmoded ideas in the ongoing search for reality. He compares quantum physics with Buddhist philosophy and reveals how the theory of evolution echoes the Buddhist understanding that all of life is interconnected and in flux, and he writes with deep feeling about the pressing ethical questions raised by advancements in biotechnology. For all the provocative and detailed reasoning found in this soulful and mind-expanding book, what emerges most powerfully is the Dalai Lama's belief that science must embrace Buddhism's mission and work toward increasing compassion and alleviating suffering. Donna Seaman
 
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We learn from others. We use their mistakes and victories to teach ourselves. Its how we grow and evolve. Man only learnt to survive through trial and error, if we didn't stick close together there would be no us.
 
other than budda

One of the things I get from your post is a kind of trivialization of love, you seem to be saying since anything with more than a brain stem can feel love its not as significant. That may not be your direct point but thats something ive got out of what your saying. Love is beautiful, real, intense, and one of the driving forces of humanity. Whether or not you give religion a grain of salt or not every single one of them has been putting a great emphasis on love since the beginning of time. Theres a reason this is so, with love towards all beings we bring happiness to ourself and others, when we are loving we feel a kind of peace, we dont feel so alone we feel connected. You seem to think that putting others before ourselves is merely just a mechanical reaction given to us by our genes. I choose to look at compassion and love as more than just instinctual automatic evolutionary adaptions to help our species survive. I see them as spontaneous acts of care, tenderness, compassion, love that is born out of seeing the oneness of all things, and bred from knowing how all people want happiness and to avoid suffering. Kindness, love and compassion are things that need to be nurtured, and contemplated but when you look at them as such mechanical evolutionary devices it takes all the humanness out of it. Ive seen so many people that talk literally exactly like you, its the die-hard science folks when they start discussing humanity to me it always comes off as cold, and mechanical. Dont get me wrong im not calling you cold, I dont hate science but I feel like your viewpoint is the materialistic view point that I could never care to live with. Ive found truth in what the great sages/mystics/contemplatives have been saying for 5000 years, ive experienced and had glimpses of what they say. Once you have a glimpse you cant ever go back to that way of seeing. If your interested in science/religion I can recommend you a book by the Dalai Lama called a universe in a single atom. Excellent book.


The Universe in a Single Atom: The Convergence of Science and Spirituality:

Fascinated by science since boyhood, the Dalai Lama, unlike fundamentalists who resist scientific realities, has become convinced that a dialogue between religion and science will advance the wisdom of both disciplines
and greatly benefit humankind. He explains why in illuminating explications of how Buddhism and science are both predicated on focused observation, reasoning, and the ability to abandon outmoded ideas in the ongoing search for reality. He compares quantum physics with Buddhist philosophy and reveals how the theory of evolution echoes the Buddhist understanding that all of life is interconnected and in flux, and he writes with deep feeling about the pressing ethical questions raised by advancements in biotechnology. For all the provocative and detailed reasoning found in this soulful and mind-expanding book, what emerges most powerfully is the Dalai Lama's belief that science must embrace Buddhism's mission and work toward increasing compassion and alleviating suffering. Donna Seaman

Im not saying Love isn't important. It definitely is. I don't doubt religion can benefit people either but I would say not for the reasons they believe. Same could be said about love. Some people need guidance or certain beliefs to not be self destructive. I think if you beat cancer and thank god your cheating yourself.. you have to admit to believe there are supreme beings you are. At least potentially dangerous.. unless its going to save your life.. why the religions that are popular today are still around it doesn't matter because its not because they are true. So yes people can show love through religion but I think its about the worst example possible. Sorry to get so far off topic but it think it was interesting to compare. Im sure that people who's values are aligned with mainstream religion are behind the times at best. Saying that believing in something is a powerful thing and if directed properly can change the world for better or worse and I could give examples all day. I heard that single atom shit too.. from stephen hawkins.. back to love just as powerful, same destructive force but rarely causes mass hysteria. Just micro hysteria. ??? Make sense?
 
We have fundamentally differing ways of looking at things ive stopped engaging in discussions about this for a reason because ive heard these worn out viewpoints before. People in the west have been scared of religion for a long time now, im not talking about religious fundamentalism or Christianity... im talking about Contemplative traditions, direct contemplative experience found through practices such as yoga/meditation/tai chi/qi gong/self-inquiry they lead to deep states of peace and a transformation of the way we see the world. If you engage in these practices you will see for yourself. I have found discussing these things with people coming from your perspective is not fruitful not to be disrespectful thats just what ive found.... things you listed are nothing I mean by using the word religion im not talking about cancer and God ... .I dont know where you were going with that. Religion has got so many connotations attached to it I dont mean but are inferred anyway when I use that term. Basically I differ from you because I dont think all the worlds saints/mystics/contemplatives are wrong or believe in fairy tails... they connected with something deep within themselves. You disagree thats possible. I dont. Its not a belief I have its something ive connected with inside myself... it has nothing to do with beliefs because I connect with it on a daily basis.
 
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