Why do I get overly self-conscious while high?

[Greenonion76]

Last friday I smoked the tiniest possible amount of flower and it lasted for about one hour approximately. Initially I was feeling okay walking around a nostalgic town while baked and in sunshine weather but when I got into the car (my mother was taking me to Asda for groceries) and started listening to music I started to feel extremely uncomfortable. Many of the songs I would enjoy listening to unironically while sober would make me cringe because I was stoned. Even the music I fully enjoy ("actual" music so to speak such as Pavement and Sonic Youth, not cheesy 2000s pop and EDM) would make me feel like a poser when listened to. Overall I just felt very stupid and very bad about myself. While I was walking around Asda while high I was overly picky about the food I was purchasing because I was a lot more aware of which foods are embarrassing to eat and which foods aren't embarrassing to eat. Normally whenever I go to Asda I get the 335 kcal mac and cheese frozen meal whenever possible (because my parents never taught me to cook and they don't give me enough money to afford ingredients to cook and I can't find a job. I'm 18 years of age btw) but because I was stoned I decided not to get it because I realise how embarrassing and lazy it is to eat any kind of ready meal, somehow pot noodles and instant ramen and microwaveable Ginsters vegan pastries are on another tier for some reason.
In the past THC would induce unbearable anxiety and a very unpleasant feeling of impending doom, nowadays that may indeed also still be the case but perhaps not as much due to the fact I've took lengthy tolerance breaks, nowadays it just makes me feel ashamed of myself. Why?

 

[Pissed_and_messed]

Must have something to do with some specific brain circuits or brain wavelengths.

I just come up with theories. I follow some research but none of that has ever answered to your question AFAIK. Which is very interesting, with many other drugs things seem to be so much more streamlined or easy to comprehend with common sense. (this is responsible of motivation and stress management and this has purpose of ultimate reward and content etc.) Cannabis then, is just very confusing. What evolutionary pressures even formed our cannabinoid systems as such?

One thing that comes to my mind now, is that natural endocannabinoids have been theoretized to be one of the most important neurotransmitters in exercise. The ultimate form of exercise for most of human history has been running. Which is, along with walking, great opportunity for some self-analyzing, because aside of observing the tracks of animal you are hunting down for few hours until it collapses of fatigue, you don't have much else to do. Just set your legs on automation and let the mind go.

That goes well along with the pain alleviating properties, decrease of gut peristalsis (no need to stop hunting for a poop) and munchies of cannabinoid receptor agonists. No fridge in prehistoric era in African savannah? Just get voracious with your fresh kill.

My train of thoughts might have run a lil' swiftly here. If I confused you, feel free to ask, I can expand on what I mean.

 

[foodcrisis]

i don't know what you spend on weed. maybe you aren't really smoking much and get a good deal... but you could probably use the weed money for food... sounds like you have a good amount of experience with weed and it's not really for you.. it's known to make certain people nervous and over think, even before today's high level thc came about.

you can probably learn to cook on you tube... maybe read some of the reviews on the recipe instruction videos before making the stuff so you don't waste time on something gross.. i see a lot of cool stuff on you tube though... i don't know if they have night school type stuff in your area, but you could probably learn to cook some place like that too... a lot of people now days, like business people, just don't cook though and eat fast food and whatnot all the time, so there's really no shame in buying a pre cooked meal. you're definitely over thinking.. it's not really healthy though to eat that way all the time.

 

[Delam]

Not to sound like an boring old fart but when you get older: into your 40's and beyond, a lot of people come to the realization that no one actually pays much attention and gives a shit about what anyone is doing outside of them self apart from in a passing sense. When you are out and about in public you are more or less invisible to most people. For me this was incredibly liberating. I think as you grow and develop as a person anyway, you naturally give less of a shit about what strangers or randoms think of you, if they think anything at all. At least that's how it worked for me and others I have spoken to anyway.

To try and answer your original question. I don't have a scientific theory that references brain receptors or anything but I just feel that cannabis is an enhancer or an exacerbator. It can take what you are feeling on a low level and blow it up so its at the fore front of your mind. If some are feeling relaxed and confident then it enhances that and they feel even more relaxed and confident up to a point. I would suggest that you probably feel a bit self conscious anyway (which is a very normal way to feel for someone of your age) and smoking even a small bit of bud increases that feeling. Its all about set and setting as well. If you were chilling in your room listening to tunes and not in a public straight setting you would possibly feel different.

In my opinion, I'm not sure cannabis (or any drug really) is suits the developing teenage brain and If I could go back and talk to my teenage self I would tell him to lay off it and perhaps revisit it later in life when I was more sorted and confident on a personal level.

 

[Madness]

^ yes @Delam (welcome to bluelight!! You too @Greenonion76 !!) I too have always considered weed to magnify the current mood. Or if haven't smoked for a while, can uncover subconscious thoughts that have been lingering but not fully addressed and uncovered.

Which, as uncomfortable as it may be, is why I like to smoke every so often regardless after months of abstinence.

When I've been a daily smoke for months to a year, about ages 17, 22, and recently until a couple weeks ago (32), I've noticed that eventually I get comfortable with the effects to the point of it no longer serving a purpose other than filly idle time.

So I'm on and off. If you look at it through the lens of introspection and self discovery, maybe the anxiety or shame or whathaveyou will be less uncomfortable.

I mean, we all got shit going on. Especially in the USA it's like, "damn the world is like this? And I in turn feel this way? What bullshit. I'm going to eat McDonald's and watch YouTube instead"