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Why do i always make the same mistakes?

L

Loser_lover

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 19, 2013
Messages
19
So there is this guy and he is really cute and someone that is only out of my league because he is older than me (I'm 17, he is 22). I always just thought of him as a crush (like the celebrity crushes that you have) and never pictured myself with him. But one day he started being really flirty and started to hold my hand and tell my how beautiful i was. I knew that he was a player and that he had a lot of girls but i let my feelings loose on him. He started to sound like he cared txting me if i was okay and how my day was. Now however he doesn't do that and although i know that if i txt him he'll reply i don't want to look like i like him to the max. Why do i always get myself into these situations....Like i knew he was messing around but i never want to accept it... and when it comes a tie for me to accept, i feel hurt and distraught and lonely. I don't hate him or think he is a jerk...because its me that liked him and gave him my heart..Has anyone felt like this? Where you know that he is just innocently flirting but you fall for him anyway? Where you know that all you have to blame is yourself?
 
you need to look for someone who is real boyfriend material

shiny bright lights and pretty faces are all good but what you want are shared values and a good connection. if they are getting attention from lots of angles and making moves on lots of people then thats not suitable.
 
Speaking as that guy... ha, we don't do it purposely to hurt you. It's not a conscious thought. We are flirty and friendly like that with a lot of girls and often have no idea that they developed any feelings.

If you're really interested in the guy, tell him or ask him to go out.

Or, if he's clearly not boyfriend material and is the type who isn't looking to settle down with anyone (most likely this is the case) than just move on and find somebody who can appreciate you more.
 
I guess that reallly what i need to do..I guess really doing that is the hardest thing:( thank you
 
I have had intense attractions for girl's who told themselves and me that I was "out of their league"
and that all I could be interested in was sex.

Eventually, I get tired of being talked to like this, and cease to pursue them.

Maybe the guy really likes you? Maybe he just wants you as a sexual conquest. If you couldn't have him permanently , you could at least have him 1 time. Just sayin'
 
I never told him that i thought that he was out of my league. Look wise i don't think he is out of my league about the same. But the question i have is when you approached these women didn't you only have that sexual conquest in mind? Did you really like these women? im not trying to imply that all men are the same just curious.
 
It depends on how I feel.

when I approach girls that are "hot"
It's generally out of lust. But I may want more than that.

When I approach girls that are "cute"
It's because I want to know them. I may even fantasize about a relationship.

not sure if I could put my perception of cute and hot into words though.

Sorry if that doesn't help you :/
 
As you get older, you'll realize that most people are very much alike.

I imagine that you associate with some of that lol.
 
Yeah I used to have that problem more than I care to admit...the way I dealt with it was by simply cutting contact as soon as I anticipated the situation becoming a problem. You said you can tell fairly early on that you're starting to develop feelings that won't be reciprocated so I expect it would be possible for you to do this as well - I know it's much easier said than done but trust me, it often really is for the best! And once you manage to start doing that the 'habit' honestly just starts to fade away and eventually you learn to really manage your emotions in similar scenarios.
 
Animal Mother said:
It depends on how I feel.

when I approach girls that are "hot"
It's generally out of lust. But I may want more than that.

When I approach girls that are "cute"
It's because I want to know them. I may even fantasize about a relationship.

not sure if I could put my perception of cute and hot into words though.

Sorry if that doesn't help you :/
Click to expand...

not to steer the thread off course but for me there are three kinds of hot: 1. attractive, 2. cute and 3. beautiful.

if a person has 2 of these its amazing and if they have all 3 then i swoon like a fool


managing your emotions and knowing yourself and how problems can develop is critical to your future happiness and does improve as you get older but to do this you have to be very honest and harsh with yourself and sometimes that means saying "no- i cannot be close friends with this person because i will fall too much in love with them so keeping a distance will serve me good" (my problem was falling for straight men who were really hot and cool but not into guys-duh!). that was an example of what i have to do to stop the same bullshit messing with my head.

if someone is really into you for more than sex then they will want to spend lots of time with you without having sex with you. if they have emotions for you they might tell you that they do and be emotionally expressive. you have to talk and if you get an answer that you dont like you pull the plaster off even though all the hair comes off with it and you get over it and move on to the next until something suitable does come into your life
 
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Its soo hard cutting that person off...Like everything i do i always think of them and everytime im like on facebook all i can pay attention to is it that person is online too....I feel so pathetic but i guess i really have to learn to control my emotions.
 
Maybe i really just need just some experience with older guys. I think my emotions are just out of control8(
 
What was your relationship with your father like? Good? Or bad? Or was he absent?
 
My dad is the greatest dad in the world:) he was always caring and always asked for my opinion. He always had great advice and never ever said anything that was hurtful for cruel.
 
Wow, that's wonderful. :) If you had had a very different experience, the pattern you're describing would be much harder to break out of. I hope my daughter will say words like that about me one day.
 
Loser_lover said:
Its soo hard cutting that person off...Like everything i do i always think of them and everytime im like on facebook all i can pay attention to is it that person is online too....I feel so pathetic but i guess i really have to learn to control my emotions.
Click to expand...

I understand that, but I really do think it could be greatly beneficial for you to force yourself to stay away sometimes...hard as it may be, chances are you'll be happy you did it in the end.

Have you ever actually had a relationship with someone significantly older than you? Do you know why you seem to have a thing for older guys in particular?
 
i did but we broke up because he was too old for me...Now that you mention it it could be because of him. My ex that was older was the best boyfriend that anyone could ask for....
 
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