why can't my mum be happy for me?

[lynx2051]

i have been at college for just over two years in media. The first course i achieved a distinction grade when i enjoyed it but now i have completely lost interest in it and have decided to give it up, and university has never really been something I've been interested in. currently i an working in a big food store (in the uk called the co-op). i would like to continue working there to progress my skills in retail and maybe becoming supervisor or manager in the future.
But my mum says i am going to ruin my life if i do this in this 'dead end' job. she is threatening to throw me out because she will lose her benefit money unless i stay at college. she said i am going to be a drop out like my other brother (who has never been to college or school and just claims benefit money.
I just don't understand why she's being like this and saying 'you're no son of mine if you work there all your life. I've tried talking with her but its no use, what should i do?
thanks.
(sorry for the bad typing as i am on my phone)

 

[ocean]

Well, I am really sorry your mother isn't being supportive.
I am sure she is reacting out of a fear that you will not reach your full potential, as I think many parents do of their children. Unfortunately it is difficult sometimes for some parents to accept that their child will do what they think is right, whether it is, or isn't- and the parent then tried to push their opinion of what is right on the child. (My mother has done this a number of times)
In your situation though, while managing retail would be nice, getting a college degree is GREAT. I have a friend who has 10 years retail management under her belt and she is kicking herself for not finishing school.
Best of luck no matter what you decide to do.

 

[lisburnGT]

i have a friend that has been working in a co-op for im sure 5 years now, he has not progressed at all. and is still on the same wage as he was when he started. He been saying about finding something else now for a few months cause he just doesnt see it getting him anywere.
if you dont feel your course is going to plan, you should sit down and have a good think about what else you may want to do? or talk to a manager to see if it is possible to go forward within the company.

sorry i couldnt be of more help lol

 

[scootipuff]

Your mother has a lot of hopes and dreams for you. Co-op is a dead-end job, management or not. The thing is, you know how to do it and you're probably doing it well so you think that it is something you might do forever. But trust me, doing the hard stuff in school and working your ass of for something real will make you happier in the long run. Co-op will be there for your when you're done with school but none of those media jobs will be there for you when you're done with Co-op. And of course your mother is going to kick you out if she'll lose her benefits if you quit school. She's probably cleaning the house, cooking food and generally putting up with a lot, all with the understanding that she's making a better life for the son that she still sees as having potential for something greater. Sorry if that's a drag, man. Mothers do a lot of shit for a long time just to see their children have a good life. She just wants that about-to-burst pride that would come with getting all dressed up to go to your graduation. School is hard and can be boring as shit. Do it anyway.

 

[Legerity]

Ultimately it's your life to live, not your mother's. So if this is where you want to work, then you have every right to. If at some point you decide you prefer school or another job, then that's your choice too.

People have a funny way of measuring success, it usually involves position and income. But who gives a shit how much money you are making if it is somewhere that you don't want to be.

On the other hand, sometimes it can be easy to stay somewhere that is comfortable rather than taking a risk and trying something new. I've done this and now having made a recent change in career direction I'm very happy that I decided to try something new.

So yeah I say do whatever you enjoy doing. I don't have much tolerance for parental attempts to make decisions regarding our career or relationships or anything else for that matter.

 

[lynx2051]

I've spoke to my manager and he was very supportive, he just said you have to keep learning, he gave me a massive list of other things I might be interested in, not just in the retail department but, travel, insurance, phamacy ect. He said he started out just like me at the bottom and worked his way up. I admit I did do badly at school but it was mainly down to bullying (not looking for an excuse) and I just had no idea what I wanted to do. I just don't want a university life and working with a bunch of cockey, confident media students. All I would like is a simple, good job. When I did First diploma in Media I got a grade A which is equal to five GCSE grades at 'Grade A'. Thats something isn't it?

 

[Oxymorphone]

You are living with your mom, do you think you will really be able to afford your own place, pay bills, have a car, and be happy doing this and struggling all your life? You keep talking about how you did well in some academics, that doesn't mean shit if you work at a grocery school now does it? You were in university already, you can do it, just think of how much happier you will be when you're done. Don't do it for your mother, do it for yourself. There are plenty of damm simple jobs that pay many times what a manager in retail makes. If your goal is a simple laid back life things will get pretty damn tough and miserable in a few years when the reality of life hits you and you need to support yourself on this short path.

 

[mymindisgoo]

you have to do things for yourself first, and other people secondly. they will come around.

 

[MeddieFrac]

Mums are quit complicated creatures. Their hearts are oceans of secrets. Their true feelings are often masked by other, more complex emotions; their actions and words often do not represent their true self, and it's up to the family member to decipher what they really mean.

Good luck my friend!

Sometimes it's best just to, in a loving way, ignore what they say, and don't let them get to ya.