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  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

Why can't I just stay clean?

how Come AA and NA are successful programs if that weren't true?
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There's a theoretical possibility that the same people would have gotten clean and stayed clean on their own in a parallel universe which lacked groups like this.

However, I do think that these groups are an excellent resource and tool for people in recovery, and I strongly recommend some form of a support network.
 
I have never been able to stay clean since I was about 15 years old. I ALWAYS had something in my system. I have seen several psychotherapists, been to NA meetings and gone to small-term detox (Judge's order). Some people use substances to hide there actual feelings...I know that I began using intravenous methods after my younger sister passed away from a staph infection. I always did prefer uppers compared to opiates. Usually a 5mg oxy or a 10/500 Norco will do the trick but honesly I have come to the conclusion that I am an individual who, at times, likes to get WAY ahaead of myself. Opiates are much hardrer to kick (if it is anything compared to xanax). My suggestion, accept who you are and what you like... I'd much rather speedball than go see a movie with friends but that is my personality. Limit your substance intake and IF you really feel like quitting you might want to consider taking heavy anti-depressants and anti-psychotics (which I have been on nearly every one and Mirtazepine 45mg 1x @ night seems to be the most effective antidepressant.) Hopes this helps...and best of luck comrade 8)
 
@ ark9: I write in my journal daily. I work on my columns nearly daily. I associate working on my columns when I experience something that causes a real feeling within me. This could be daily, or it could be weekly. It is up to the write.
 
I can relate to the OP very much. Im 40 and still going thru it. First was alcohol and i had some sucess in AA but never felt comfortable. I had some serious medical things happen to me that cause me to be on opiates for chronic pain and ive been abusing on and off. Right now im off but the symptoms of addiction still permeate me. Not just craving but self pity and dishonesy. Especially lying. Everybody has thought ive been clean for awhile now cause i never told them about it. I worked my ass off in AA to work on myself and correct these things. My mental illness and ostomy bag have me a hermit now. I plan on getting high soon. Then the guilt kicks in. I sometimes think i was born to get high. I hate saying that cause im a father but my whole dam life has been like this. But this is def the worst. Between my physical and mental problems and other things like money and my living situation, i cant take it anymore!!! I went to my shrinks Friday cause i was freaking out and they gave me a shot and it was great. I was relaxed and peaceful. My days just keep getting worse and i cant stay clean much longer. Im just being honest here and im sorry if this affects the OP. For you, i relate and i think the journal idea is very good. Find something meaningful about sobriety. I know its hard. Hardest thing ever and we all know that. If your clean cause this is older thread, keep going and if youre not, be safe. Sorry for the negativity.
 
My experiences with NA just led to being around career criminals with a taste for hookers and dope slinging. I just was done with that shit after 6 months. I didn't fully relapse that first go but I smoked weed and drank. I was on probation so yeah I just worked out alot to piss clean and eventually my PO let me be.

I went to AA years later in my mid twenties trying to kick a rx and opiate habit. It did me some good in terms of spirituality. As far as the people there, some were good, some were once again career criminals and for me that is worse than drugs.

I did have someone try to give me a large amount of narcotics and there was no real agreement but when I saw this person it was pretty clear dude was wearing a wire or expecting something in return.

I dunno how to tell you to stay clean. I get clean when I have to but long term abstistance, I just don't get it. I had one sponsor try to tell me sex was my main problem and that I shouldn't have sex for a couple weeks. I tried but yeah, I just don't get it.

The whole chanting thing got to me on a different level.

But the thing is it works for some people. It a nutshell I would say it is basically volunatarily brainwashing yourself into thinking if you use once you will die or go to prison and I do know people that are like that.

Religion, not organized, more along the lines of spirituality is what helped me overcome what I felt like overcoming. I suppose getting yourself together is a rather slow process depending just far down the rabbit hole you have gone.

Now that is just my two cents and quite possibly self validation.
 
It has been part of my lifestyle for 12 years now that it is the only lifestyle I know. You have to physically rewire your brain using its capacity for neuroplasticity and have new neural pathways connect to each other without having drugs in the equation.

I'm going into rehad this weekend for the 8th or 9th time now and this time I NEED to stop. I really hope I do.
 
What kind of drug use or harmful behavioral patterns are or have you struggling with? Consider making your own recovery journal thread in SL.

It is really useful to document one's process. Particularly here, as we won't think any less of anyone who relapses. More often than not, with a chronic condition like substance use disorder, "relapse" is the name of the game. Doesn't mean all's ended, just means one needs to try to mix up one's approach a bit. Reflecting back upon what one was thinking, one's plans, etc., can really help one figure out what works and doesn't (plus the feedback can be very constructive and reinforcing in a positive, individually organic kind of ways.

What kind of rehab is it? I mean, what kinds of treatment do they provide? Is it 12 Step based or focused on clinical medicine?

I think I tried (was manipulated into trying) four or five different inpatient abstinence only based rehabs. I've known people who have been to 17+ rehabs. Basically a big waste of time for me, ended up doing more for loved ones not knowing how to handle their relative was a heroin user (what did the trick for me was outpatient based ORT and mental health services).

Whatever you do, try and plan out what is going to happen after rehab. Such places are notorious for not providing meaningful (or any actual) aftercare - something that is absolutely crucial (though you can set it up for yourself with a little ingenuity and research) to re-entry after treatment.
 
I cant stay clean either.. Had a year off of pills which is my most extreme addiction, but the alcohol, weed and various powders just don't stop. I dont use them daily but when I do I go overboard every single time.
 
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