runescape
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 16, 2013
- Messages
- 37
I've been battling heroin addiction for four years. Was on an unnecessary high dose of suboxone for two years, got clean of that. Been to many detoxes/IOPS, to one of the best rehabs for 30 days, been to a variety of sober living houses, yet I still am a chronic relapser. I feel like I've wasted so much of my life with this addiction, yet I always come back when I feel weak because it's the easy way out.
I was on the vivitrol shot two months ago, and 3 weeks in I decided to try and override the shot by shooting heroin which didn't work. Was extremely disappointing and dangerous, yet it didn't deter me and I kept trying until I felt it when it finally wore off which was much later... I am now 1 day clean from everything, I took some suboxone yesterday to help the withdrawal, but I feel horrible. I really regret relapsing. I had almost 11 months clean at one point but on NYE I slipped, then had about a month or two and this two-week bender was the worst. What made it finally click with you? I have all the knowledge, been to a ton of NA/AA meetings, have the support network if I choose to use it, yet I rather self-destruct and get high.
I've been struggling with bad anxiety/OCD and they've been getting to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, so I choose to get high. Sure, I love getting high on dope too, but when I don't have to clutter my mind with the nonsense my OCD and anxiety tells me it made life so much easier. It's a double edged sword though when I fall back under to being dependent and a slave to the drug again. I can't find the right medication to address my problems it sucks. Been going around the merry-go-round of SSRIs and just about given up.
This is not how I pictured my start of 2017 to be. For those who are thinking about relapsing, it really isn't worth it. That monkey is back on my back stronger than ever and that temporary feeling of euphoria gets less warm every time. I was doing so well last year!!! I had things in place and things were so much easier, my cravings were so much less. Now I'm shooting dope! I see people I've gotten clean with, and it makes me sad to see them have over a year clean while I only have a day. Why am I so stubborn to this shit???
I have a concern that hopefully experienced IV users can answer... So I am not really a big on injecting, I did it the first time two years ago but abstained for some reason, but after this run I feel like if I were to relapse now I wouldn't return to insufflation. I missed a bunch of my shots, and shot shitty street-heroin around 40 times over the course of two weeks. I am worried I did some damage to my arms/veins, they looks kind of bruised and some injection sites still haven't healed. My hands feel very weak. No signs of absesses though... and pain has gone away. If I stay clean for good this time will they heal and recover well?.
I was on the vivitrol shot two months ago, and 3 weeks in I decided to try and override the shot by shooting heroin which didn't work. Was extremely disappointing and dangerous, yet it didn't deter me and I kept trying until I felt it when it finally wore off which was much later... I am now 1 day clean from everything, I took some suboxone yesterday to help the withdrawal, but I feel horrible. I really regret relapsing. I had almost 11 months clean at one point but on NYE I slipped, then had about a month or two and this two-week bender was the worst. What made it finally click with you? I have all the knowledge, been to a ton of NA/AA meetings, have the support network if I choose to use it, yet I rather self-destruct and get high.
I've been struggling with bad anxiety/OCD and they've been getting to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, so I choose to get high. Sure, I love getting high on dope too, but when I don't have to clutter my mind with the nonsense my OCD and anxiety tells me it made life so much easier. It's a double edged sword though when I fall back under to being dependent and a slave to the drug again. I can't find the right medication to address my problems it sucks. Been going around the merry-go-round of SSRIs and just about given up.
This is not how I pictured my start of 2017 to be. For those who are thinking about relapsing, it really isn't worth it. That monkey is back on my back stronger than ever and that temporary feeling of euphoria gets less warm every time. I was doing so well last year!!! I had things in place and things were so much easier, my cravings were so much less. Now I'm shooting dope! I see people I've gotten clean with, and it makes me sad to see them have over a year clean while I only have a day. Why am I so stubborn to this shit???
I have a concern that hopefully experienced IV users can answer... So I am not really a big on injecting, I did it the first time two years ago but abstained for some reason, but after this run I feel like if I were to relapse now I wouldn't return to insufflation. I missed a bunch of my shots, and shot shitty street-heroin around 40 times over the course of two weeks. I am worried I did some damage to my arms/veins, they looks kind of bruised and some injection sites still haven't healed. My hands feel very weak. No signs of absesses though... and pain has gone away. If I stay clean for good this time will they heal and recover well?.
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