An Attempt to Explain.
It is difficult to articulate, which is probably why my mind ended up putting it in the form of a poem as opposed to anything else, but I shall try.
I often fall under the illusion that I can feel other people's emotions; its like some kind of involuntary "psychic sponging". Quite often I get wrapped up in people as a result, in what makes them tick, which makes close relationships an especially intense experience for me. Often it gets so intense with people, even absolute strangers, that I cannot rid myself of the emotions; sometimes I even mistake them for my own. So I try desperately to keep some distance, to not stray too far from my ego, for I fear I may lose myself.
A side-effect of this attempt to remain anchored to my ego while empathizing with another is, of course, that my own desires, fears and so on come into play -- in my receptions and reactions.
In the instance I wrote about in the poem, I was talking with a girl who has been a friend of mine for quite some time and who I've wanted in a very complete way for over a decade. She recently met another friend of mine, who I've known for perhaps five years, and they are hitting it off, but her pessimism, her fatalistic outlook on things, tells her that it won't work out. They are both great people, and despite my selfish desires for her I did not manipulate the situation to my advantage but rather gathered what she was saying and what I felt from her in indiscriminate receptivity, reflect it back to her and assure her, in total honesty, that her doubts were unwarranted.
I forgot myself in every sense in that brief conversation while her and I were alone in the basement and my other friend had gone upstairs for something, despite my fear of losing myself, despite my selfish feelings of jealousy, my possessiveness, my greed, and worked entirely in the service of her. And when it was over, I returned to myself and found that I was still there, that I hadn't lost myself through making myself psychologically or "psychically" vulnerable to her. That I need not worry about losing myself while losing myself in another (if that makes sense).
So does any of that clarify the poem and give it a sort of context, regardless of how crazy I may sound? If not, I apologize. As I said, it is hard to covey...
