Why am i feeling guilt about this now???!!!

[ibetweaking]

So im on a really anxious meth and sherm high and i need to get this off my chest i dont know why im thinking about this now of all the times i could have worried about this.So in grade 10 me and some buddies went to another school to sell some weed and molly and this kid was threatening to snitch to the police if we didnt give him a couple grams obviously we started laughing then he called my friend a chink and obviously this is where it escelated we beat the shit out of this little white kid(there were 3 of us) and he kept talking shit so i grabbed a little pocket knife out of my sweater pocket and gave him a buck fifty(slash across the face) i later got arrested for assault and battery, assault with a deadly weapon, Possesion of prohibited Weapon, Posession Of MDMA w/ intent of traficking, Possession Of marijuana with intent of trafficking and possesion of methamphetamine.For some reason i feel guilty about giving the kid too hard of a time we could have just beat him up and cut but no grade 10 wannabe gangster me decided to escelate it anyways it feels really good to get this off my chest(even though i did 3 weeks in open custody for it)

 

[ibetweaking]

im gonna be posting in this forum alot today

 

[JoeTheStoner]

?So far, about morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after.?

― Ernest Hemingway, Death in the Afternoon

ya dig what i'm saying ?

 

[Painful One]

Horrible! Shame on you!
What? You want us to comfort you about this? Tell you it is okay or something?
You know it is not okay.

 

[herbavore]

I would imagine that you will feel guilty about this for a long time because it was a shitty thing to do. The problem with violence as a solution is that it never is a solution.

The important thing for you to do to move forward is to recognize your own part in this. No doubt this was deemed acceptable by your peers, glorified by pop-culture even, and you were both young and indoctrinated by messages of being tough and in your words "gangster"; so don't beat yourself up as if you chose that behavior completely on your own. But by the same token you have to accept your own responsibility in it and that is what your guilt is trying to push you to do. Remorse for an action that you know was wrong can lead you to a place where you can finally forgive yourself. Forgiving is not an excuse for the action--it is an acknowledgement that you made a human mistake, a youthful human error of judgment to be exact, and by saying truthfully, "I did a terrible thing and I will always regret it" you can move past the guilt. We make this ridiculous paradigm for ourselves where we either feel mired in guilt or we justify and rationalize in order not to feel guilty. But the way out of this trap is to recognize one's own human fallibleness and forgive. While you are at it, you could forgive the kid for being a dick and a bigot. You guys were in high school and you both had some growing up to do. Just keep growing.

 

[zephyr]

Well you did get done for it, perhaps in hindsight things could have been handled differently but it is what it is.

Hard to say what to do about a snitch and my ex hubby beat up and ran through a few of em but we were older- not kids.

I wouldnt worry about it now.