I've been itching to type up this blog but I just couldn't get my head around it. If you are going to ask me what my name, is you already know the answer to that, I will not give it to you for privacy reasons.
I grew up in a conservative Asian family, and both of my parents are strict, though my dad is the stricter one between the two. I was not allowed to go out to parties until I was 18. I spent most of my time at home doing homework, reading books or watching movies.
I was a consistent honor student from grade school to high school, and this is because I didn't really have a choice but to study. Back in my former country, school was very important, and if you don't study hard, you are most likely to fail. School usually starts at 7 and ends at 5 pm. You have to have an extra curricular activity/activities if you want to remain as an honor student as it is part of our marks. So on top of being tired from academic studies, physically you are also drained.
I always hungered for the outside world, always had this hunger to experience what it feels like to go to parties, to sleep over, to have a variety of circle of friends but I just couldn't argue with my parents, for me at that time, they were always right.
As soon as I went to college, this is where everything started to change. I transformed from a conservative school girl, to a wild and liberated college girl. This is where I started skipping classes, drinking, going to parties and meeting a lot of people. It felt like I was free at last and I can be part of a popular group of party people and just live life to the fullest. This is the time where arguments with my parents specially my father were endless. Every single day my dad will always scrutinize my outfit, my habits everything that he can see that does not go with what he wants.
From the age of 19 up to the age of 24 I was a rebel. Anything that I felt that they deprived me of I wanted it. Going out every weekend was not enough, it needed to be everyday.
When I turned 24, I met Matt. Due to the horrible experiences I had with assholes I have dated before, I've decided that if I am going to date another guy, he should be the opposite of what I was. Matt was conservative and never liked parties and such. We dated for four years and this was my longest relationship. I loved Matt so much that I sacrificed my party life and obeyed every single thing he wanted me to do, to the point that I lost myself. I lost my identity and I lost my friends. At the end, he still left me not because of a third party but because we were never meant to be together in the first place. We are just so different, so different that thinking back as to how my relationship with him was, I wasn't really happy.
Again, since I limited myself from the outside world, As soon as we broke up, I went out a lot. I went to parties again. One of my girlfriends suggested I date this Russian guy who she thinks will be perfect for me since he loves going to rave parties. I started dating him but it was more of for sex and drugs up until I took an unknown substance which was supposedly mdma last year of December 2012. By February of this year I found Bluelight. I signed up as a member right away to find answers for the comedown I am experiencing but there was no magic pill to solve my symptom.
There are so many things that I regret which I wish I could take back but it's too late. I wish I never took mdma and just consumed alcohol. I wish I followed my parents advice because after all, they just want what's best for me. I might have messed up myself but I know that I am strong enough to surpass this. This comedown taught me a lot of things and made me realize that I have a purpose in life, and that is to help people who are suffering from drug abuse or who will be finding Bluelight due to a comedown. I want to be that person who they can approach and rely on. I want to be their pillar of strength.
I grew up in a conservative Asian family, and both of my parents are strict, though my dad is the stricter one between the two. I was not allowed to go out to parties until I was 18. I spent most of my time at home doing homework, reading books or watching movies.
I was a consistent honor student from grade school to high school, and this is because I didn't really have a choice but to study. Back in my former country, school was very important, and if you don't study hard, you are most likely to fail. School usually starts at 7 and ends at 5 pm. You have to have an extra curricular activity/activities if you want to remain as an honor student as it is part of our marks. So on top of being tired from academic studies, physically you are also drained.
I always hungered for the outside world, always had this hunger to experience what it feels like to go to parties, to sleep over, to have a variety of circle of friends but I just couldn't argue with my parents, for me at that time, they were always right.
As soon as I went to college, this is where everything started to change. I transformed from a conservative school girl, to a wild and liberated college girl. This is where I started skipping classes, drinking, going to parties and meeting a lot of people. It felt like I was free at last and I can be part of a popular group of party people and just live life to the fullest. This is the time where arguments with my parents specially my father were endless. Every single day my dad will always scrutinize my outfit, my habits everything that he can see that does not go with what he wants.
From the age of 19 up to the age of 24 I was a rebel. Anything that I felt that they deprived me of I wanted it. Going out every weekend was not enough, it needed to be everyday.
When I turned 24, I met Matt. Due to the horrible experiences I had with assholes I have dated before, I've decided that if I am going to date another guy, he should be the opposite of what I was. Matt was conservative and never liked parties and such. We dated for four years and this was my longest relationship. I loved Matt so much that I sacrificed my party life and obeyed every single thing he wanted me to do, to the point that I lost myself. I lost my identity and I lost my friends. At the end, he still left me not because of a third party but because we were never meant to be together in the first place. We are just so different, so different that thinking back as to how my relationship with him was, I wasn't really happy.
Again, since I limited myself from the outside world, As soon as we broke up, I went out a lot. I went to parties again. One of my girlfriends suggested I date this Russian guy who she thinks will be perfect for me since he loves going to rave parties. I started dating him but it was more of for sex and drugs up until I took an unknown substance which was supposedly mdma last year of December 2012. By February of this year I found Bluelight. I signed up as a member right away to find answers for the comedown I am experiencing but there was no magic pill to solve my symptom.
There are so many things that I regret which I wish I could take back but it's too late. I wish I never took mdma and just consumed alcohol. I wish I followed my parents advice because after all, they just want what's best for me. I might have messed up myself but I know that I am strong enough to surpass this. This comedown taught me a lot of things and made me realize that I have a purpose in life, and that is to help people who are suffering from drug abuse or who will be finding Bluelight due to a comedown. I want to be that person who they can approach and rely on. I want to be their pillar of strength.