Cosmic Mist
Bluelighter
I wrote and posted this here ages ago when i first joined under a different name, but for some reason i feel like reposting it now - i'm sure most of you can relate i n some capacity. Enjoy. 
These bright stripes glare out at me from the gloomy darkness and threaten to swallow me whole. I can see their slight pink tinges, and hear them calling me with a powerfully tiny voice inside my mind. They stare at me dauntingly, telling me of how they can fix me, make me better… make everything seem ok, if only for a little while.
I look beyond the tiny lines to the shiny, reflective surface beyond, and note my own likeness there. How much as a child I do seem! How similar in naïve and unformed mentalities, yet how dissimilar in worldly responsibilities! How much like a stumbling child king I feel in the face of the life I have built around me – a life that I cannot maintain – a life spiralling far beyond my control.
I ponder my own purpose for existing; I wonder as to the reason I have walked, and walk still this earth… I lose myself in soft, meaningless contemplation...
But there is naught for me to decide upon - each day I play Russian Roulette with the bullet of life: altering my perceptions of life and the world in general, changing my behaviour: becoming someone completely different, someone not quite so enslaved! If only for a little while…
I wonder if this naivety I suffer from now will haunt me in the weary afternoon of my life, when I have fettered and fretted away all my dreary youth on useless, fast-paced recreation. I wonder if there will come a time when my elderly consciousness will long for the opportunity to come back at me, as I presently am, and destroy these petty, youthful, thrill-filled eves of mayhem, mania, and madness.
Once again the faintly pink lines come into my sight as I bring myself to focus upon them once more. The blade, still in my fingers from many minutes ago, tumbles by the wayside, and I begin my descent. With a curled $10 note in my hand I breathe my share of happiness; countless meaningful breaths, taken in quick succession, then fall back – nose running – onto the sand.
I look to my reflection once again, to find that the lines have completely vanished. Nothing but a powdery residue remains.
One by one the others line up their happiness and do what must be done. One by one, they fall back as I have; content, as I am content. We are, at last, ready for the night to begin!
We run for what feels like an infinite amount of minutes in endless circles under a pale half moon. No one is around to watch us now, no one can stop us. How like gods we feel! How free and uncaring! It would appear that, in the morning of our newly conceived day, we are the creators of everything - all we see around us! Our new reality shelters us from those outside, and the dogmatic pragmatism by which they all choose to live. For the first time in what feels like eternity we are free from the doctrines that threaten to crush us, and devour us whole. If only for a few hours, we are at liberty to decide what to do and where to go. We are the kings and queens of all that we survey, and for just a small amount of time, we are free…
The warms waves nibble at our bare feet mischievously, calling us, inviting us to play. Teasingly retire seconds later, taunting us as they tumble away. Almost blindly we stumble after them laughing and screaming like children. They in turn reward us by returning back to shore with a power and fury greater than before. We lose ourselves in them, playing and screaming, becoming more and more child-like as time passes us so swiftly by.
I float on what the fish might call “sky” and imagine myself far away beyond it all. Beyond my life, friends, family – all of it gone! I am lost within a world of wonders, where the stars are bigger and brighter than anything I have ever seen before, and every sensation echoes right though me. I am flying - floating through the very meaning of life itself! I am high above reality, and finally I have found a place where I feel comfortable, where I can be my true self. Nothing can touch me! And I never want to come back down...
Landing back on the sandy shore, I sense trouble around me. We had left five and returned four. Everywhere there is chaos – anarchy. I can hear the distant sound of screaming, crying, and calling – the calling of a name that seems all too familiar. I dare not move… I am completely divergent to the completely convincing reality. I have no real reason to move from my comfortable position, and indeed I desire not the giddy consequences that are likely to arise as a result. All I want is peace and calm, but there is none to be found around me. I am not afraid. All around me there is panic and fear – flashing lights and voices that I no longer recognise. I am calm. The soft breeze blows on my face and I can feel a warm, salty liquid covering me, but I am far beyond everything now. No one can touch me, nothing can stop me. I’m on my way to something better.
How like a naïve child king I am! I possess the ability to control my own life. I alone hold the power to control my own fate and live out my live to its full potential – yet gladly I would hand it all over to the deceptive pink stripes – those stripes that will eventually conquer me completely…
These bright stripes glare out at me from the gloomy darkness and threaten to swallow me whole. I can see their slight pink tinges, and hear them calling me with a powerfully tiny voice inside my mind. They stare at me dauntingly, telling me of how they can fix me, make me better… make everything seem ok, if only for a little while.
I look beyond the tiny lines to the shiny, reflective surface beyond, and note my own likeness there. How much as a child I do seem! How similar in naïve and unformed mentalities, yet how dissimilar in worldly responsibilities! How much like a stumbling child king I feel in the face of the life I have built around me – a life that I cannot maintain – a life spiralling far beyond my control.
I ponder my own purpose for existing; I wonder as to the reason I have walked, and walk still this earth… I lose myself in soft, meaningless contemplation...
But there is naught for me to decide upon - each day I play Russian Roulette with the bullet of life: altering my perceptions of life and the world in general, changing my behaviour: becoming someone completely different, someone not quite so enslaved! If only for a little while…
I wonder if this naivety I suffer from now will haunt me in the weary afternoon of my life, when I have fettered and fretted away all my dreary youth on useless, fast-paced recreation. I wonder if there will come a time when my elderly consciousness will long for the opportunity to come back at me, as I presently am, and destroy these petty, youthful, thrill-filled eves of mayhem, mania, and madness.
Once again the faintly pink lines come into my sight as I bring myself to focus upon them once more. The blade, still in my fingers from many minutes ago, tumbles by the wayside, and I begin my descent. With a curled $10 note in my hand I breathe my share of happiness; countless meaningful breaths, taken in quick succession, then fall back – nose running – onto the sand.
I look to my reflection once again, to find that the lines have completely vanished. Nothing but a powdery residue remains.
One by one the others line up their happiness and do what must be done. One by one, they fall back as I have; content, as I am content. We are, at last, ready for the night to begin!
We run for what feels like an infinite amount of minutes in endless circles under a pale half moon. No one is around to watch us now, no one can stop us. How like gods we feel! How free and uncaring! It would appear that, in the morning of our newly conceived day, we are the creators of everything - all we see around us! Our new reality shelters us from those outside, and the dogmatic pragmatism by which they all choose to live. For the first time in what feels like eternity we are free from the doctrines that threaten to crush us, and devour us whole. If only for a few hours, we are at liberty to decide what to do and where to go. We are the kings and queens of all that we survey, and for just a small amount of time, we are free…
The warms waves nibble at our bare feet mischievously, calling us, inviting us to play. Teasingly retire seconds later, taunting us as they tumble away. Almost blindly we stumble after them laughing and screaming like children. They in turn reward us by returning back to shore with a power and fury greater than before. We lose ourselves in them, playing and screaming, becoming more and more child-like as time passes us so swiftly by.
I float on what the fish might call “sky” and imagine myself far away beyond it all. Beyond my life, friends, family – all of it gone! I am lost within a world of wonders, where the stars are bigger and brighter than anything I have ever seen before, and every sensation echoes right though me. I am flying - floating through the very meaning of life itself! I am high above reality, and finally I have found a place where I feel comfortable, where I can be my true self. Nothing can touch me! And I never want to come back down...
Landing back on the sandy shore, I sense trouble around me. We had left five and returned four. Everywhere there is chaos – anarchy. I can hear the distant sound of screaming, crying, and calling – the calling of a name that seems all too familiar. I dare not move… I am completely divergent to the completely convincing reality. I have no real reason to move from my comfortable position, and indeed I desire not the giddy consequences that are likely to arise as a result. All I want is peace and calm, but there is none to be found around me. I am not afraid. All around me there is panic and fear – flashing lights and voices that I no longer recognise. I am calm. The soft breeze blows on my face and I can feel a warm, salty liquid covering me, but I am far beyond everything now. No one can touch me, nothing can stop me. I’m on my way to something better.
How like a naïve child king I am! I possess the ability to control my own life. I alone hold the power to control my own fate and live out my live to its full potential – yet gladly I would hand it all over to the deceptive pink stripes – those stripes that will eventually conquer me completely…
