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Which path to follow...?

trance in fraance

trance in fraance

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Joined
Nov 20, 2011
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I'm really confused about what to do right now... after brutally being thrown out of the closet about a year ago (i'm bisexual, whats in someones pants doesnt mean much to me, its more of a love thing), none of my friends wanted to talk to me or be seen with me. In addition to that i was forced to quit the School soccer team since everyone was calling me a fagget and yeah it was bad. soccer was my life, i absolutely loved it, and being forced to quit destroyed me.

After losing my friends and my favorite hobby, i ended up experimenting with drugs and became part of the "druggie" group, and for the past year i've been getting fucked up every weekend with my "druggie" friends. but over the summer i developed a madd Stimulant addiction. i needed to feel energized/motivated/something to lift me out of this hellhole depression, wether that feeling came from caffeine to adderall to meth, i needed something every day and since July i've gotten that stimulant rush that i crave so much. but im sick of it, i cant feel emotions anymore. i miss being able to feel happyness, love, excitement, just all of those feelings that make life so worth living you know? and i feel the stim abuse has somehow fucked up my ability to feel :(

i'm tapering off stimulants, the past 3 weeks the only stims i've had were Phenethylamine, Caffeine, and Methylphenidate and i hope to be completely off the shit sometime this month. my problem is i need to stop hanging out with the group i've been with the past year since imo they're only holding me back from getting my life in order.

so should i go clean and be a loner, or stick with this group and hope i can overcome this addiction when i graduate highschool in 2 years? i know it'll suck being a loner (since only the druggie group accepts gay/bi people) but its gotta be better than what i've got on my plate right now.

sorry if this is hard to understand, and any/all responses/advice is greatly appreciated <3
 
Firstly, I am disgusted by how your original so called friends have reacted, that is discrimination andthere is no excuse or need for it. You don't need people like that in your life.

Are you still suffering from depression? Do not leave ituntreated, I am a chronic pain patient and I have various mental health conditions due to it. You're too young to be sucked into this awful pit, please see your dr.

As for friends, maybe try and only see them during the week unless they get wrecked during the week too. And why don't you find a soccer team out of school? Then you'll have an activity to keep you occupied, off the drugs and a chance to make new friends?
 
thanks for your support Doomed :)
it really is disgusting how shallow my old friends acted, but the majority of people at my school aren't even remotely open-minded so it didnt suprise me when that happened. And the depression is still bad, arguabley getting worse but im trying to eat healthier and workout more which seems to put me in a better mood when i put effort into it.

i've been prescribed a few different antidepressants but couldnt tolerate the side effects, and now my parents wont even consider letting me go to therapy because "its a waste of money, you've already seen like 7 and they havent done anything for you. Get the hell over whatever it is thats depressing you".

my "friends" get drunk at least once a week too, or do more at school if they can get their hands on something, its ridiculous i dont see the point of getting drunk at school :| and i used to be in a League outside of school, next season starts in the spring and i've been practicing every night, hopefully i get the courage to actually ask if i can join :\

shits just ridiculous though... the lack of empathy that people have just amazes me.
 
People fear what they don't understand, and those who yell the loudest against those who are different fear their own difference. While it's tough to do when you're still as young as you are, remember that those people are to pitied.

This league that you're considering joining, it is the same as the one you were in before, or different? Clearly, these new people that you're associating with are not meshing well with your values-- there's nothing wrong with looking further for friends that actually respect you and share what's important. If this new league is different than the one you were in before, I'd say go for it.
 
Your parents should be more supportive of you, that's not a good attitude at all. Does school not have a good counsellor? Maybe they Gould help? I'd keep trying different meds til you find one that works for you,i myself am still searching for the right combo, it takes a long time. And if you find one soon I'm sure it will help with your confidence and you'll feel fine starting a new team.

My advice is to stay away from your friends as they won't help you stay clean. Have you thought about taking up a new hobby or sport where you will get the chance to meet people? I'd recommend some form of martial arts,i was a semi pro mma fighter before my accident and it is awesome for relieving stress and the adrenaline of such an aggressive sport will help with the depression, I was always bouncing around hyper after training ;)
 
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trance in fraance said:
I'm really confused about what to do right now... after brutally being thrown out of the closet about a year ago (i'm bisexual, whats in someones pants doesnt mean much to me, its more of a love thing), none of my friends wanted to talk to me or be seen with me. In addition to that i was forced to quit the School soccer team since everyone was calling me a fagget and yeah it was bad. soccer was my life, i absolutely loved it, and being forced to quit destroyed me.

After losing my friends and my favorite hobby, i ended up experimenting with drugs and became part of the "druggie" group, and for the past year i've been getting fucked up every weekend with my "druggie" friends. but over the summer i developed a madd Stimulant addiction. i needed to feel energized/motivated/something to lift me out of this hellhole depression, wether that feeling came from caffeine to adderall to meth, i needed something every day and since July i've gotten that stimulant rush that i crave so much. but im sick of it, i cant feel emotions anymore. i miss being able to feel happyness, love, excitement, just all of those feelings that make life so worth living you know? and i feel the stim abuse has somehow fucked up my ability to feel :(

i'm tapering off stimulants, the past 3 weeks the only stims i've had were Phenethylamine, Caffeine, and Methylphenidate and i hope to be completely off the shit sometime this month. my problem is i need to stop hanging out with the group i've been with the past year since imo they're only holding me back from getting my life in order.

so should i go clean and be a loner, or stick with this group and hope i can overcome this addiction when i graduate highschool in 2 years? i know it'll suck being a loner (since only the druggie group accepts gay/bi people) but its gotta be better than what i've got on my plate right now.

sorry if this is hard to understand, and any/all responses/advice is greatly appreciated <3
Click to expand...

First of all, I'm sorry people are such pieces of shit that they judge people like this. Its shitty for a kid your age to have to go through anything like this. Second of all, part of my post is going to come off as harsh (maybe) I dont mean to be a dick to you, its just how I feel. I would say if you want to be a loner then thats your choice. It's not a fun path. And hanging around your druggie friends shouldnt make a difference. You are you. They might have the drugs but you are the one that does them. I hang around H users, pot smokers, meth addicts because i enjoy their company. They are my friends, and I used to have an issue with all the said drugs, but I have no issue staying away from using. I control what I do, not them. I say this because its hard to go through life without friends, especially high school. Even more so if these druggie friends accept you for you. Not judge you on your views, they sound to me like better friends than the ones you had before. Anyway man, just my two cents. I hope everything works out for ya, things will just hang tough.
 
Yeh I do agree in a way, maybe just stay away until you've got your cravings under control once you've tapered off etc. I still think you should try and find some new hobbies and make some new friends too :)
 
Dave - the league im thinking about is a city team, it'd have kids from other schools too which is why i feel like theres hope with this one :\

Doomed - i really wish they were, but to be honest i've just stopped expecting them to be. and the only cousellors available to me right now are the ones at my school. one of em really does notttt give a shit about your problems, she just smiles and nods her head and agrees with whatever you say :| i had my first meeting with the other one last week and she seems legit, we talked about how i could improve my life one step at a time and sorta get like a game-plan going haha :\

Chaos - i get what your saying, but i think since i dont even really have that legitimate friend-connection with these people is why i feel like leaving them will be ndb. thanks for the support :)
 
Well let's hope the game plan that this new person draws up helps you, stick at it and try your best to find new hobbies, you'll make new friends and it will keep your mind off drugs and give you some well deserved happiness. I am sorry your parents aren't very supportive, that in itself will not help your mind state. Have you tried sitting down with whichever parent you are closest to and having a real heart to heart about how you feel? Leave out the drugs and uncomfortable bits obviously but maybe if they realised how difficult of a time you are having they will realise that you need them to help you, I mean they're your parents that is their job! I couldn't ever dismiss my child like that, I am actually going to school to see my son's teacher on Wed, I have dyslexia and ADD and it's really looking like he's going down the same path regarding ADHD, he isn't five yet but I am a qualified special support assistant and used to work with kids that have special educational needs, so I can see so many symptoms manifested in him. At least if he gets the support he needs now, he won't suffer later in life like I did at high school.

I really hope things get better for you and pm me if you ever need to chat or vent, anything :)
 
i dont mean to sound like one of those boo-hoo people when i say this but i dont even talk to my parents anymore. when they found out that i was bi-curious (at the time) in 8th grade they flipped out and locked me in my room for a few months (other than during school/necessities though obviously) and my "dad" would cuss me out every day, shove a bible in my face, but the worst thing was him actually telling me, his son : "You are going to hell when you die". and my moms just scared and helpless tbh:| props for working with kids that have special needs, thats must feel rewarding :)
once again thanks so much for the support doomed :) its really appreciated.
 
Oh dear god, I'm guessing your father is extremely religious then? There really is no place for religion in this day and age, we have a judicial system unlike how it was 2000 years ago. I'm so sorry that he behaved like that towards you, that upsets me just as much as how the people that were meant to be your friends reacted.

Your mum sounds like she could be more sympathetic towards you though, maybe wait til your dad isn't around and try to talk to her? I understand what you're going through though, I moved out at 17 because of my mum and step dad, but we get on great now and they support me so much now since my accident, I'd be lost without my mum she is me and my son's full time carer even though it is really making her life difficult.

And yeh I can't work anymore which sucks but maybe once I get my pain and mental health in better shape I'll be able to go back to one of the places I tutored at and do some voluntary work, I'm can't do it paid or full time as I'm just too unwell and my condition is very dramatic, I can be stuck in bed for days at a time ( today being one of them)

Glad to help though, I'm sure we can get you back on track :)
 
Ahh, the ultimate hell of being our age. We want to fit in. It saddens me that we live in such an unaccepting society, and that they thought that they could better themselves by calling you faggot.

First of all, it's a great decision for you to break away from the group of friends you have. I understand that this may be tough considering that they are the only people in your life that are currently accepting of you. But there is no reason to completely break away from them as chaos said, IF you can be able to resist using when you're with them. But from the times I've talked to you, you're a VERY cool person and I know that you can still make other friends, so you aren't hanging out with your drug friends all of the time. I believe a strong balance of sober and drug friends is a good thing to have.

Your parents are of course no help. That's so wrong of what they do to you, and it isn't fair that you have to grow up in a house like that, but unfortunately it happens and you're brave for hanging in there. Not everybody is accepting of what they're afraid of (yes your parents are threatened by the fact that you're bi), but you cannot keep using in order to cope with it. what's your mom's stance on you being bi?

(since only the druggie group accepts gay/bi people)
Click to expand...

I've realized that too. It does not always hold true though. Hang in there, 3 weeks sober is a good step in the right direction :)
 
hey, Trance! First off you should be given a fucking medal for coming out a) in High School, b) to intolerant jocks, c) to your parents and d) to your very religious and ignorant parents. You are one strong person.

This is a really good site that might give you some support.

I think that trying to find another way to play soccer is definitely your best bet (the city league) because it is your passion and it is great exercise, both of which are essential pursuits while staying clean. Stay strong with your goals, the right people will come into your life when you are focused on living your life the way you truly want to live it.
You really have all my respect.<3
 
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Doomed - he's not extremely relgious, he just sorta lives by the Religion as guidelines from what i've seen. today in Pyschology i learned that some of the things that he's done are by-law considered Assault :o I hate to say it but i see no hope with my mom. today when she got home she found out that i've been talking to the school psychologist, she freaked out and when i told her it was what i needed to do she slammed my door and sat in her room:| Good to hear that you and your parents get along now though :) what happened with the accident if you dont mind me asking?

Badfish - thanks for that support man, really helps :) to be honest i have no idea what my mom's view on it is. i know that her mom (my grandma) is cool with it so i'd assume that she is. but i think that shes just scared and confused because of my "dad's" reaction. my group's trying to get me to do coke and i know its that peer pressure stuff but they're relentless its kinda scary tbh lol. im making an effort to meet some new people, startin to see that light at the end of the tunnel :\ how are things with your parents going? gotten better im hoping... :)

Herbavore - haha thanks. <3 its a friggin challenge thats for sure. i know that its' made me stronger though. im trying to practice every night i can :\


Once again thanks for the support everyone, it means so much.
Listening to some Trance/liquid and replying to everyones great responses,
every now and then staring out the window,
The wind has left the sky nice and clear, the sun is setting and the trees are swaying with the breeze.
i just cant help but feel so clean and free, like nothing could bother me. :) <3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDI6HTR9arA&hd=1
(one of the songs that put me in this mood, incase anyone likes to trance :\ )
 
I got run over buy a big van when helping a breakdown, my foot and ankle were crushed by about 6 tonnes of weight. Now it's all spread up my arm and is just an awful and complicated condition. I'm on a bad day now and have been ranting myself silly coz the pain's at the top of the scale. Stupid crappy weather making me hurt.

Oh dear no it doesn't sound much like you're mum will help either. Keep going to the school psychologist, or can they legally stop you?im jot sure how it works where you are but here they can't. I am trying to upload a pic on the photo thread but my ipad is being a bit of an arse, but it expresses my feelings about people with ignorant attitudes so WHEN I get it up, check it out. Ifi ever do, my brain's frazzled, no sleep for days and pain/one handed typing = super zombie.
 
Yeah man, I bet it's tough with the pressure to do coke. My only sound advice is to tell them off. Coke is a bad bad decision. Things have gotten better. Much better. But it's still shaky, our relationship is....hard to explain. Better at sometimes, worse at others. Sigh...I hate being a teenager.
 
I didn't even see the part about coke, see brain mush. Nah do not get down that road believe me you're doing great with what you're doing and have done brilliantly so far even with such a hostile family situation. Ignore the peer pressure. You don't need that in your life. I speak from personal experience there.
 
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