Whenever people agree with me, I always feel I must be wrong

It's funny how among my generation that narcissism and insecurity so often go hand and hand. It's the Gen X disease.
I've suffered from malignant narcissism at least since age 12. I make a habit of regularrly declaring my genius to anyone who will listen and quite a few who had no intention of listening but do so to humor me.
But some days, I start to think that perhaps I ain't so special. After all, I have quite a difficult time reconciling my alleged genius with my rather undistinguished position in life and my relative lack of genius-affirming accomplishments.
It is then that I begin to worry that I am mental ill. Perhaps I am deranged and delusional...

Then I this a message like this on facebook:
"Have you ever written anything for publication? I think it would be fascinating. You should donate your brain to scientific research when you die. Always thought you were a genius. In your own special way."
Who wrote that? Well, I don't know. Apparently it was someone I went to high school with. The name rang a bell but I don't remember much else about them. Whoever it is, I have not talked to them in 14 years.

I'm depressed now. I had got to a point that I was ready to accept that I am deranged kook and work on my mental health issues..
Now I just feel I'm wasting my life.

 

Don't be shocked by the paradox. I've dealt with many geniuses that drive forklifts, build houses, wait tables, etc.

What makes me cringe is meeting "rich & successful" people that are less than brilliant. It's soured my outlook on society.

 

Nah, you're not a genius. Nothing remarkable about your writing either.

The sooner you accept the fact that there's nothing special or unique about you, that you're pretty average and dispensible, the happier you'll be in life.

 

^^^
You have no proof of that.

 

I enjoy your writing a lot . I'm in no position to judge if you're a genius or not, but you certainly have a good sense of humour.

 

I expect pretty much everyone of our generation is going through something similar, or has already gone through it. I think back on my friends in high-school (many of whom are still my closest friends) and none of them ever sat around dreaming of becoming a cook at a restaurant, a low level PC tech, a truck driver, a manager at Dominos, a textile worker, career military, or a Program Manager at Microsoft, and yet that's where some of them ended up. Some of them are unmitigated geniuses, others average. So many things go into where we end up in life beyond raw intelligence and yet, in the end, all that really matters is whether we're able to live up to the responsibilities we choose to accept in life and whether we're happy.

Having a million dollars can be nice, but it all depends on the price you have to pay to acquire it.

All that said, keep writing!

 

I've heard 'insecure narcissism' called the least attractive possible personality combination.

~The perils of over analyzing yourself.~


edit:
To me it seems before you could judge someone a 'genius' or call them 'deranged' you'd have to completely understand their life situation, and how they and their actions fit into every element of their world.

Because when you look at the words, those categories are never as clean cut as they seem. For a serious example that you should think about and not just blow off because an internet jerk off wrote it, consider Albert Einstein, R. Feynman, and the others who worked on the manhattan project: How genius could those guys have been to give nuclear weapons to politicians? At best, it is a very complicated situation.

If you're passing serious judgements about yourself like 'genius' or 'deranged' it implies that you have enough information to form a coherent picture of your life and judge your actions against what would be possible. IF that was the case, would judgments be necessary? Would you even ever worry where you stacked up compared to others, better or worse than them? And do better or worse even have absolute meanings, or is it likely that many elements of our lives are genius in relation to some things and idiotic to others?

Got a little off track there, forgot where I was going, hope you get this comment