When Rachamim went to Prison Part III

A continuation...

Sleeping on my auntie's convertible sofa in the right armpit of Hell, I basically did nothing but work, fall asleep as they watched cheesy Arab TV since their sitting room was my "bedroom" and motivated myself by taking those flights up to New York every 4 to 6 weeks. Bringing home a "brick," 100 glassines of heroin for a rough total of 10 grammes, I would sniff 3 bags in the loo then lie down on the couch (I rarely pulled it out into "bed" mode) and nod off as they watched shit that made Bollywood look like Academy Award-winning materiel.

If they weren't watching that garbage it was, "Are You Being Served Yet?" It was a BBC show about an English department store and lightly satirised English class distinctions, management could not sit next to peons in the cafeteria, etc., and so on. I really hated that show. As I said, most of my time was consumed with my 3 jobs, my main gig being stockboy slash cashier in a Walgreens pharmacy, though in the sundries department, nothing to do with the pharmacy per se.

I would usually work from 1PM to 930PM, then my auntie would pick me up and drive me several kilometers to the Watkins terminal where I jumped on my trusty forklift and shuffled freight until 3AM, or thereabouts. The Walgreens sat on Atlantic Boulevard, the main drag of the town I was living in, Delray Beach, in Palm Beach County. It sat directly opposite the retirement community where my auntie's condo was located. "King's Point" was one vast sickbed, with close to 20,000 elderly residents and virtually all of them Ashkenazi Jews from New York.

I have a great amount of patience. In the IDF I have had foreign activists spit in my face and never even flicked the safety on my rifle off. Yet, working with that vast herd of cottonheads nearly drove me insane. There is a stereotype that Jews are cheap, tight with money. I always got angry hearing that because I had never met a cheap Jew in my life. Walgreen's made me a true believer.

There would be a line of 6 or 7 people. I was efficient, moving them right along, but every third or fourth customer would bust my balls. "Waaaaaaaa, your flyer says the Hershey chocolate syrup is 99 Cents! Why are you charging me $1.06???"

Rachamim: "Ma'am, I'm sorry about that but there is tax."

Irate Elderly Jewish Bitch (IEJB): "Noooooo! There is NO tax ON food!!!"

Rachamim: "If you would like, I could call a manger for you."

IEJB: "I don't need a manager! I want the price advertised in your flyer!"

Rachamim: "If you want THAT price ma'am, I will have to call the manager."

IEJB: "Are you hard of hearing? I said I do NOT need the manager, I need the advertised price!!!"

This never ending routine of spittle, piss and vinegar really took a toll on me. The most memourable experience was when a customer wanted a refund. I had him fill out the requisite slip. Seeing his surname, "Levine," I addressed him as "Mr. Levine" (it is a Jewish Tribal name denoting descendants of the tribe of Levi, and it is pronounced "Lah-veen"). He immediately turned nasty:

Nasty Man: "My name isn't Lah-veen!!! It is Lah-vine (as in "grape vine")!!!"

Rachamim: "Oh, I'm sorry sir. I'm Jewish and Jews always pronounce it as 'Lah-veen'."

NM: "Are you some sort of smart ass? I told you my name is 'Lah-vine!!!"

R: "I'm sorry, I've never heard anyone pronounce it the way you do but Ill be sure not to repeat the mistake in the future."

NM: "Future? What fucken future? You think I would ever go twice to a place where some young asshole disrespected me?"

At Walgreens we had to wear ties and a cheesy blue vest.I took off my tie, took off my vest as he continued talking shit and I told him, "I apologised to you twice and you keep running your fucken' mouth. You think cause' I'm behind this counter that I will not see you in the parking lot and smack your teeth out mothhafucer'?" I never scream, I always say such yhings matter of factly but I rarely even say anything.

To me, a person shouldn't talk about it, they should let their actions speak. Nine times out of ten? A person who talks shit loudly is doing the equivalent of when a gorilla pounds his chest, they are trying to make themselves appear stronger than they are. In any event, someone had apparently ran and found Mr. Burns, the square ass assistant manager. "Whoaaaaaaa! Raki, go to the breakroom NOW!"

Rachamim: "Nah, I'm going outside first."

By now Mr. Lah-vine is realising he fucked with the wrong cashier and is stammering, trying to shift his story. "I don't know what kind of people Walgreens is hiring these days but you ought to send this one back to his Work Release programme." I stretch my neck to relieve tension cause I wanted to slap him so hard. I didn't want to punch him. Slapping is a sign of total disrespect. The only thing more effective is sodomy but that has never been in my bag of tricks. There isn't enough imagination in the world to allow me to run up in some guy's arse.

I went to the breakroom, expecting to be fired when square ass Burns walked in. He was slightly pissed at me, "What's wrong with you Raki? You cannot challenge customers to a fight. I tried explaining what had transpired but Burns brushed it all off. To his credit he never discussed what happened again, nor did he inform the manager.

Another memourable experience was when a frozen yoghurt joint opened up 2 doors away. I love that and so I was often there. There was always a tonne of cottonheads who had just finished their earlybird specials at the surrounding resturants and cafes. Standing on line I saw a lady ahead of me accidentally drop a penny. As if on cue every head on our side of the counter stared excitedly at the floor. I was like, "Nooooooo, fuck the penny! Don't do this!" The moral? Some stereotypes are rooted in fact.


I will continue in a following post

 

Cotton heads: I was wondering if their extreme frugality isn't a result of having grown up during the Great Depression. Both of my grandmothers, the Jewish one and the anti-Semitic racist one who made racist comments about Jews being cheap, were very frugal. They both lived in poverty during the Great Depression.

On the topic of class distinctions (Are You Being Served?), I was wondering who (which countries and classes) you, as somebody who has lived among many different cultures and social classes around the world, find to be among the most "classist" (snobbish or elitist). Is it really the British as suggested by their sitcoms? Or would it be Hindu cultures with their caste system? Or New Money/Upper Middle Class Americans one generation removed from poverty as I seem to be noticing (but I haven't lived overseas or traveled much).

I can feel your pain of being subjected to the Brit-com "Are you being served." My gf is a TV-watcher, and she loves Britcoms. Lucky for me, her television only picks up 1 channel here, but that channel happens to be PBS. On Saturday night PBS has a line up of britcoms starting with "Are you being served" followed by "Keeping up appearances" (a sitcom that satirizes British Rednecks, "chavs" or "townies" I think they are called, and Middle-Class social-climbers). (By now, I usually have gone into my office to work on projects.) Then comes something like "Doctor Martin" and then there is "As time goes by" and then there is "the summer wine." Finally "Doctor Who" (science fiction) is on. That's the only one i like.

 

Socko I don't remember you ever telling me you have Jews in your family! Yeah, could be because of the Depression. Each section of King's Point has a pool. On a rare half a day off I decided to go for a swim. Walking through the men's lockerroom I saw an elderly Jew washing his socks and underwear in a sink. I was suprised and later asked my auntie about it and she shrugged it off saying it's pretty common, trying to save a few cents on their waterbills.

On classism, I would have said English right off the bat but your mentioning Hindus was spot on. Actually, I would say- now that I'm thinking about it- it is a tie between Jains and Druse (Druze). Jains take the caste system to crazy extremes. I saw Jains spitting in beggars' faces, that and the men peeing in the middle of crowded sidewalks really made me think. Supposedly they are trying to deal with the peeing thing. With Druse, they have 2 castes, priests and non-priests. Non-priestes never have to pray at all, no religious responsibilities, total free ride. The priests must be born into it and can only marry within their caste. They are a very interesting people.

There are some that say Hinduism was devoid of castes until the Aryans migrated into India and looked down upon the dark skinned Dravidians. I know in Bali, which is Hindu, there is no caste system. Hinduism was so widespread, all through the Philippines, Malaysia, but then came Islam.

I like "As Time Goes By," it was the most bearable anyway. You ever see Little Britain? Some of it is shit only the British will ever get but, one day there was a Pacquaio fight. All our labourers outside looking into the big house to see the TV through the windows, there was some time before the fight and I had copped a Little Britain DVD, there is a huge bootleg DVD trade in the Philippines, 12 movies per disc, perfect quality, like 40 US Cents per disc. In the skit I'm talking about, there is this middle aged "loser" type guy, long greasy hair but bald on top, wearing a 1980s Heavy Metal-type leather vest with a fucken tie, living in a housing estate (project). Anyway, he keeps looking at himself in the mirror and the bell rings.

He rushes to the door excitedly and its an oriental chick, "Hiiiiii, I'm Ting Tong from Thailand! So very gwad [sic] to meet choo Mr. Dudley!" He has a pamphlet in his hand, apparently she's a mail order bride and looks nothing like her photo. They fuck and then, as he's going to get a cup of tea he sees her peeing...while standing up!!! I was dying laughing and 100 Asian faces just staring at me like I was from Mars.

Speaking of which, the Southern Philippines is very class conscious. If I'm bored out of my skull I still cannot work because as a land owner you have to cultivate an aloof image. I reckon there are heavy class distinctions whereever you go.

 

I've a friend with the surname "Levine". She's changed her name since she got married, but was always "Lah-veen". "Lah-vine" doesn't make any sense, but then what do I know... my first and surnames are often mispronounced and misspelled. Rachamim, remember I asked you years ago how your name was pronounced, lol?

Socko, in all seriousness, check out Little Britain if you have the opportunity. I'm not into the other "Britcoms" like others are, but I did see that episode and many others. I laughed loads, more so than "Are You Being Served" or similar. Little Britain is hilarious :D Rachamim, you're on point about the class-consciousness. They really do spare no one.

 

I had never heard of it until you all told me about it, but I mentioned "Little Britain" to my gf just now, and she is familiar with it. In fact, she loves it. It is not broadcast here, so I promised to download the series for her. She claims I won't understand the humor since I tend not to get British humor (To me, it's too dry -- at least I don't think it's very funny, but I get the logic behind it). However, I do enjoy absurd humor and toilet humor, so if it has more skits like the one with the Thai mail order bride, maybe I will like this one.

Rach, my grandmother, the Rosicrucian, was Jewish. However, she was adopted before the age of 10 years by non-Jewish parents and no longer had contact with Jewish religion or culture. She didn't seem to remember much about her childhood before before she was adopted.

 

Mariposa: Of course I remember your asking hahaha$

 

Socko: Yeah that skit is priceless, especially married to a Filipina and being in a room with Filipinos hahaga.