When parents get in their 70s and 80s

I've spent a lot of time in Nor Cal taking care of my mother, whom I now realize I am unbelievably fortunate to have. She got very sick a week after Mother's Day and I ended up staying there. I swear she was dying. It was awful.

Once she got out of the hospital she was weak as hell and I stayed with her and my dad, and cooked and cleaned and talked to my parents all the time. (My mom calls me every night now, which isn't always convenient but whatever.)

During my time with my parents, I felt useful again. Loved again. Appreciated, REALLY and truly appreciated. It made such a difference in my depression, my anxiety about no work, my bad attitude, just everything during those six weeks was so good. It rained every day, or every night. If it rained during the night, I would go out in the backyard and burn one and listen to the rain. If it rained during the day, then at night there are millions of stars, which I had forgotten all about, so I'd lay down in the hammock, burn one, and look at the sky.

The time I spent there would not have been possible if I were still working so maybe some things happen for a reason. (I'm not convinced about that.) Regardless, I got centered up there, just the three of us. (They have no friends.) We sat at the breakfast table talking til lunch time (once my mom got a little better) and we went out to eat. I went on a couple hikes all over around the lakes up there by myself. I found quiet little spots and I meditated. Life came and found me.

My husband and kids were amazed when I got back home. They said it's like a miracle from how I was to how I am now. I still don't have a job but I have my people. I am intensely thankful for my parents and how much they love me. At 72 and 82, their love for me shows in their eyes. It's amazing. And it's medicine that I didn't know I needed so thank Universal powers for taking me and making me see how much WORTH there is in me. I have WORTH. When I was teaching I felt like a real, whole person. That has been gone a long time. I've been like a deflated balloon. But I am healing and giving so much more love to the people I love. I hug my kids more, tell them I Love them more. I am richer than I ever thought possible with the friends and the kids and the love and the laughs and the company. Good company is completely underrated. I LOVE it when I'm around good company!

Only one problem. The sweetness, the tenderness, the interesting conversations, the laughs..... with my parents.... won't last. My son Matt's fiance's dad died Saturday, and I myself ended up sitting in the bathroom just fucking sobbing. I didn't want the fam to trip out, because I didn't even know Laura's father, but the thought of MY dad getting taken off to the mortuary... gone from my life... I know that's selfish shit because SHE lost HER dad and I didnt want to seem ingenuous, but seriously... I'm going up there again in two weeks for another five weeks. The more time I spend with them, the better, because I'm not working, and because they really need my help, and because one day, my mom and my dad are going to die. I'm not wasting any more time. They are precious to me, they've stayed together all this time (53 years) and beyond their weird racism and other peculiar notions, they have loved me all my life. I'm so, SO, fortunate.

 

What a warming read. Although it sounds terrible, your mothers illness that took you up there to care for her was almost meant to be. It sounds like some pretty fukin powerful healing was done through that experience. Of course they will die as we all do, and probably sooner rather than later as my 92 year old mum will do too. So these years are the most valuable of them all in my mind.

My father died last year and it hit me bad. Not for the reasons you would expect though. We were never close after he left when I was 9, but we stayed in touch and he constantly played with my head. I had little respect for him in the end and hadn't seen him in 4 years. So when he died suddenly, I was torn apart with a mixture of guilt and anger. On top of that I felt like one of my roots in life was just torn up and cast aside. From the moment my Dad left when I was 9, I dreamt of my Mum and him getting back together. I kept hold of this thought throughout my life without really knowing. Then when he died, I felt this invisible link back to my childhood physically torn out of me. I can still feel it now; like part of my childhood has died. Horrible.

Anyway, I now devote as much time as possible to my Mum while I can. Parents are special aren't they? Taking them for granted is something so easily done. After all, they've just always been there to us. But sometimes, we need reminding of their true worth.