Looked back at the entry I posted last night ![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
not a good state of affairs... I was stoned and I was hysterical... not a good combo.
Today I feel less like I need to leave this world and more like I need C out of my world. I deleted all the texts he sent, deleted his number, blocked him on Facebook... the only way he can get to me is if he turns up at the door or if he emails my work email address which I don't think he has anymore.
I'm done with him. I'm changing my phone number as soon as I'm able to. I've written to my mobile provider to see if they'll change it or let me upgrade and get a new number a month early.
It's funny how we trust others with the fragility of our hearts. All too often they end up crushed and maimed...
Never again. NEVER AGAIN. I had one big love in my lifetime (Alan) that I won't ever regret despite how it ended... I knew true romance once in my life and I don't ever want to feel it again. It hurt too much.
It took me a long time to get over Alan, and I'm only just getting there now, and despite the bitter-sweet feelings evoked from memories of he and I... I don't regret the time we had... I just regret how it ended. Although it was inevitable that it could end. There was no way that two such passionate, emotional, sensitive souls could stay together. In many ways we were too alike. I used to hate the thought of being like him. But now I catch myself saying or doing things, and smiling. Because I see him in me... and it's something special for me that won't ever go away long after his love for me burned out.
This blip I'm having now with C... it's just a blip... I tried so hard with him and he just doesn't want to be helped. I started changing myself to be what he wanted and I promised myself I'd never be that person. I'm secure in myself. I don't need to adhere to anybody else's standards.
I'd give anything to sit with Alan one more time. He and I, and a few g's of billy... yattering word pictures and deconstructing organised religion.
The heart will never forget. So I celebrate what we had.
not a good state of affairs... I was stoned and I was hysterical... not a good combo.Today I feel less like I need to leave this world and more like I need C out of my world. I deleted all the texts he sent, deleted his number, blocked him on Facebook... the only way he can get to me is if he turns up at the door or if he emails my work email address which I don't think he has anymore.
I'm done with him. I'm changing my phone number as soon as I'm able to. I've written to my mobile provider to see if they'll change it or let me upgrade and get a new number a month early.
It's funny how we trust others with the fragility of our hearts. All too often they end up crushed and maimed...
Never again. NEVER AGAIN. I had one big love in my lifetime (Alan) that I won't ever regret despite how it ended... I knew true romance once in my life and I don't ever want to feel it again. It hurt too much.
It took me a long time to get over Alan, and I'm only just getting there now, and despite the bitter-sweet feelings evoked from memories of he and I... I don't regret the time we had... I just regret how it ended. Although it was inevitable that it could end. There was no way that two such passionate, emotional, sensitive souls could stay together. In many ways we were too alike. I used to hate the thought of being like him. But now I catch myself saying or doing things, and smiling. Because I see him in me... and it's something special for me that won't ever go away long after his love for me burned out.
This blip I'm having now with C... it's just a blip... I tried so hard with him and he just doesn't want to be helped. I started changing myself to be what he wanted and I promised myself I'd never be that person. I'm secure in myself. I don't need to adhere to anybody else's standards.
I'd give anything to sit with Alan one more time. He and I, and a few g's of billy... yattering word pictures and deconstructing organised religion.
The heart will never forget. So I celebrate what we had.