Advice when friends say “i love you”

[Dr. John Thackery]

i have a friend i’ve known for about 5 years. probably my best friend at this point in my life although o do have lifelong friends since childhood but we have somewhat grown apart as ppl do over decades an families being built and ppl changing.

anyways the 5 year friend we do exchange really personal information and share our deepest struggle and support eachother. but when a friend says “i love you” i don’t say it back because it’s just such a heavy word and i only say it to my wife.

i know that ill be with my wife for life but this 5 year friend….who knows? we could grow apart, someone could move.

i just don’t throw the word love around but i feel a little guilty not saying it back to him.

what do you think? when should that world be thrown around? i feel like it should only be thrown around when it’s unconditional life long love. i mean id probably support this friend through his death if he got cancer and lost everything; but it just feels strange since i put love at such a high bar.


i used to tell my parents i loved them and now we haven’t spoken in 5 years and i dont care about them or their wellbeing at all. did i ever really love them in the first place? it’s confusing

 

[Robi]

I loveyouweirdo

 

[chippermonk]

Well, sure too much, yeah. The real warning sign for me was when some woman who I had been on 3 dates told me she loved me. I was dubious and I was correct.
I personally don't feel that I would ever be so couple-oriented as to reserve the word love only for my partner and I know that's not what you are saying. Love at it's best is a very generous, optimistic emotion. We trust it will last when we say it but it may not. But that doesn't mean it can't be a real thing in the present even if you later grow apart somehow.
I admit to being emotionally cautious. I have a buddy, my best male friend, who I have known 25 years. Our friendship started slow, and I was reticent but it has become really deep and I value it. Sounds like yours. He likes to throw around the word love and I was similarly cautious to it as you, but I learned to embrace it. We are separated by 400 miles the past 9 years and see each other rarely but it has grown to my mind.
I'm sure it must be hard being estranged from your parents like that, that can make anyone cautious about trusting in the permanence of love. But I hope you can accept how nice it is to have a friend like yours in the moment.

 

[M!$TER-ED]

It depends on what you feel comfortable with saying. Some people use the word love as a close friendship and think nothing about it, that's ok. every person is different. Don't sweat the small stuff as the book says, you do what you feel comfortable with, that's all matters.

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

I loveyouweirdo

thanks