Recovery when drug use is intertwined with your identity there’s a hole when you stop

[Dr. John Thackery]

when drug use is intertwined with your identity there’s a hole when you stop.

it’s hard to explain but i’m sure shared by most addicts. it also overlaps with the fact that there is no anticipation of the incoming reward (drug)….but what i’m referring to about identity feels a little different.

i know it’s completely objectively wrong to say this - but it’s like being on drugs makes me feel better than other ppl in some way. at the same time i know it’s a disability basically.

this aspect of comparing to others thought goes way beyond drugs. it’s always been with me. self esteem. i’m not as good looking, as strong, as athletic as others etc. i’m not very material person and pretty successful with work so it doesn’t extend past physical body image.

the media beauty standards have really done a number on western ppl.

i have one hobby / passion in life (it’s a sport). I have no artistic outlet and i know this is a huge thing ppl use to find meaning and purpose. i’m married and it’s just about a perfect marriage.

things are objectively better than most. but when addiction isn’t my purpose it feels like i have no purpose or identity. NA would say that’s where service to others comes in. admittedly i don’t engage in service or helping others. i am very much isolated socially and don’t contribute to society.

i know this was a bit of a ramble but just wanted to get it out there.

 

[KurtAurelius]

I do believe drugs and activities are interchangeable at a chemical level to some degree.

I understand people will be astounded by that statement, certain things do not compare..

I.e degree of effect and sustainability,

But after spending years of an on drugs, or supplements, living as holistic as you can get etc

It all seems to me to relate to a chemical root.

If I didn’t have the interests I have, and the hobbies, and the ability to exercise..

My drug use would be so so much worse.

I am incredibly cynical and hateful, but as cliche as it seems and preachy,
especially if you’ve had traumatic experiences with people..

At the end of the day not just romance but community and connection is essential to feeling okay.

It’s a forced biological imperative but it does yes feel good, but also makes life feel more than just being a self aware flesh sack.

Without it, is misery. It’s hard to connect in today’s world due to so many reasons but people are out there.

In person, away from screens, out doors if possible, in a shared activity or meaningful conversation is as sweet as Oxycodone at a fair dose.

That’s just my 2 cents however.

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

If I didn’t have the interests I have, and the hobbies, and the ability to exercise..

the excercise is an addiction for me that is probably more destructive than good and it always feeds back into my drug addiction.

i’m in my mind 40s and made of glass, a physically fragile body genetically speaking - but my mind thinks i’m an olympian. the pattern goes like this:

excercise/do sports to the extreme to the point of injuring myself ->

get depressed because i can no longer excercise and make my body look good + the nagging pain of the injury ->

resume drugs due to this.


i really need something besides exercise to keep me clean because if i put all my identity into that when my body fails me all there is to turn to is drugs

 

[streaM Freak]

i really need something besides exercise to keep me clean because if i put all my identity into that when my body fails me all there is to turn to is drugs

There's lots of things that require body movement that maybe you'd be interested in?

Maybe your pull toward it is valid but maybe over time you have changed or need something novel?

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

There's lots of things that require body movement that maybe you'd be interested in?

Maybe your pull toward it is valid but maybe over time you have changed or need something novel?

i don’t have interest in much if anything isthe problem. and it’s very all or nothing….i can’t seem to go on walks like a normal person it needs to be some extreme training type work out and i need to do it every day to get the dopamine hit from it, but this isn’t sustainable

i wish i had some kind of hobby besides sport.

video games is the only one i can think of. i have a nintendo switch but like first person shooters the most and nintendo doesnt have too many good shooter games, so i was thinking of buying a playstation…thats all i can think of.

 

[streaM Freak]

i don’t have interest in much if anything isthe problem. and it’s very all or nothing….i can’t seem to go on walks like a normal person it needs to be some extreme training type work out and i need to do it every day to get the dopamine hit from it, but this isn’t sustainable

i wish i had some kind of hobby besides sport.

video games is the only one i can think of. i have a nintendo switch but like first person shooters the most and nintendo doesnt have too many good shooter games, so i was thinking of buying a playstation…thats all i can think of.

Have you ever played paintball? It's an expensive hobby but really fun. Sort of a combination of FPS and outdoors.

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

Have you ever played paintball? It's an expensive hobby but really fun. Sort of a combination of FPS and outdoors.

like 20 years ago. yes it was fun. my roommates and i built a course out in the woods and other ppl learned about it and we eventually had huge wars out there with random ppl that would show up

that’s a good idea. it does rely on physical activity though so if i’m injured it will just be another thing i get sad i can’t do and want to use

 

[Featherfall]

like 20 years ago. yes it was fun. my roommates and i built a course out in the woods and other ppl learned about it and we eventually had huge wars out there with random ppl that would show up

that’s a good idea. it does rely on physical activity though so if i’m injured it will just be another thing i get sad i can’t do and want to use

can always start reading

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

can always start reading

it’s very hard for me to find a book that grips me. i do have one now though but im almost done and thinking of what i should read next !!

but ill start 50 different books and give up on them before i find one that hooks me in

 

[chemconnoisseur]

Have you tried bodybuilding? Even if you have some pain or joint issues you can always use machines in get the same results. Aside from the obvious endorphin boost from exercise, the healthy eating with greatly help your overall mood and aid in your recovery, and the change in your physical appearance can be a massive confidence boost (patients that get plastic surgery often become entirely new people simply because they look different). It gives you something to strive for everyday, has a strong community (key to recovery), and helps recreate your identity. It’s similar to drugs in that it’s a full on, personal, lifestyle commitment, so it might be just what you’re looking for. We’ve spent so long using our motivation to destroy our lives and bodies, why not flip it 180? Steroids can kinda be an issue if you have a truly addictive personality, and I wouldn’t recommend them without extensive knowledge on them, but I know plenty of people in recovery that use them. They can help with mood too, or make it worse, it’s dice roll haha. In all seriousness, TRT is for sure worth looking into. Substance abuse can cause a lot of endocrine disruptions, and if you’re moods shit from low T it’s gonna be hard to work on getting better an staying better.

 

[Featherfall]

it’s very hard for me to find a book that grips me. i do have one now though but im almost done and thinking of what i should read next !!

but ill start 50 different books and give up on them before i find one that hooks me in

try things completely outside your wheelhouse, go to a library or small bookstore (not a big chain one very important) go to a section you'd never go to normally and chose something random, or ask on here! or the librarian/book teller for their absolute favourite books, could also always start reading philosophy if you have the commitment lol xd

 

[Dr. John Thackery]

Have you tried bodybuilding?

i stated above that excercise has fueld my opioid addiction. the FOMO of not being able to do enough of it and then doing too much to where it causes damage is toxic addiction in and of itself.

this discussion is about finding satisfaction and dopamine outside of physically active pursuits.