Addiction When does it get better?

[chris_p]

Hitting 2 months now without hard drugs. I made the personal decision to give my finances over to a loved one because a lot of people were getting worried about my use and I was starting to see real personal damage to my social life. Haven't touched anything since beside booze and weed bur every day I think about the moment when I flip what I said and convince everyone, then starting using drugs again. I think constantly about the moments in my life that far exceeded sobriety and not the times where the damage caused has near ruined my life. I'm nearing 3 months 'sober' and I will likely be getting access to my account and saved paychecks again soon but I know for a fact I will just buy drugs again when that happens. Is there any real way to get past this? I can't imagine not thinking about using near constantly and I feel like I have no control over these desires no matter what programs I attend and what specialists I speak to. Is there really a point in trying to stop if life is worse than the constant up-and-down highs and comedowns I'm used to?

 

[kiely]

Why don't you try to do it more safely and smartly then. I'm just saying.

You can't do too much of unhealthy things okay !!

Maybe you should just write a book and document it all. You are quite interesting.

And then make some money out of the deal. Why can't you just be careful Crissssssss

Take care. You got this.

 

[Shinji Ikari]

In your case I'd say if you do return to recreational drug use cut the benzos out for good. How many hairy situations have you gotten yourself into involving drug use where Xanax wasn't involved? That seems to be the common denominator whenever your impulse control goes completely out the window and unless I'm misremembering every horror story you've shared with us in the past has involved Xanax.

Also 3 months isn't that long, probably not long enough if you're still thinking about drugs regularly so I think you need a longer break, a year maybe. I was a near daily drinker for over a decade as I worked in the hospitality industry and excessive drinking was just so normalised and indeed encouraged. I decided to quit when I started my degree and it wasn't until I'd been sober for a year that I really started to feel like the claws were loosening their grip.

Same deal following the great cathinone binge of 2009/10. It took a while to get back to normal, but I did eventually.

 

[HealingEnergy14]

Hitting 2 months now without hard drugs. I made the personal decision to give my finances over to a loved one because a lot of people were getting worried about my use and I was starting to see real personal damage to my social life. Haven't touched anything since beside booze and weed bur every day I think about the moment when I flip what I said and convince everyone, then starting using drugs again. I think constantly about the moments in my life that far exceeded sobriety and not the times where the damage caused has near ruined my life. I'm nearing 3 months 'sober' and I will likely be getting access to my account and saved paychecks again soon but I know for a fact I will just buy drugs again when that happens. Is there any real way to get past this? I can't imagine not thinking about using near constantly and I feel like I have no control over these desires no matter what programs I attend and what specialists I speak to. Is there really a point in trying to stop if life is worse than the constant up-and-down highs and comedowns I'm used to?

Well I'm about 4,5 month off opioids now, and finally it's getting to a point where I'm starting to feel closer to my old self. I think about using sometimes, but not often. What helped me a lot is keep a personal diary, record how bad you feel in the days, weeks and months after but also during opioid use.

2 months ago I was still feeling very shitty, I'd say keep your head up and stay away from the hard drugs brother. You've been through the worst part, you might have some shitty days here and there (I also drank quite heavily on those days I must admit...) but in the coming months you will really start to feel a lot better and sober life will start to become appealing. All the side-effects of hard drugs just aren't worth it once you have taken them too often imo.

 

[someguyontheinternet]

Hitting 2 months now without hard drugs. I made the personal decision to give my finances over to a loved one because a lot of people were getting worried about my use and I was starting to see real personal damage to my social life. Haven't touched anything since beside booze and weed bur every day I think about the moment when I flip what I said and convince everyone, then starting using drugs again. I think constantly about the moments in my life that far exceeded sobriety and not the times where the damage caused has near ruined my life. I'm nearing 3 months 'sober' and I will likely be getting access to my account and saved paychecks again soon but I know for a fact I will just buy drugs again when that happens. Is there any real way to get past this? I can't imagine not thinking about using near constantly and I feel like I have no control over these desires no matter what programs I attend and what specialists I speak to. Is there really a point in trying to stop if life is worse than the constant up-and-down highs and comedowns I'm used to?

do you have trauma in your past? was your childhood stable, how is your family support now? are you managing other physical or mental health stuff?

 

[kiely]

Can't you just stick to dmt like normal people.

I hope you get better. I really do.

Or should I just say ..... grow up.

I think you are stable Dude. You probably are getting it by now.


But at least you had some interesting trips. I can't say I blame you.

I'ts all an experience now.

Just be careful. I know that I always say that.

So again Carefull(er). Lool. Omg I'm so glad you stopped.


Let us know how you are doing. I'm just happy to see you back.

bye. later duude.

 

[ChemicallyEnhanced]

Hitting 2 months now without hard drugs. I made the personal decision to give my finances over to a loved one because a lot of people were getting worried about my use and I was starting to see real personal damage to my social life. Haven't touched anything since beside booze and weed bur every day I think about the moment when I flip what I said and convince everyone, then starting using drugs again. I think constantly about the moments in my life that far exceeded sobriety and not the times where the damage caused has near ruined my life. I'm nearing 3 months 'sober' and I will likely be getting access to my account and saved paychecks again soon but I know for a fact I will just buy drugs again when that happens. Is there any real way to get past this? I can't imagine not thinking about using near constantly and I feel like I have no control over these desires no matter what programs I attend and what specialists I speak to. Is there really a point in trying to stop if life is worse than the constant up-and-down highs and comedowns I'm used to?

What drugs were you using? It can vary, but I think 6 months is pretty typical before PAWS goes away. So, symptoms like, anxiety, depression, insomnia BOREDOM (that was a huge one for me, I didn't enjoy anything as much and was chronically bored). It can be anywhere from 3 months to a couple years, but I think 6 months is about average.

 

[chris_p]

Why don't you try to do it more safely and smartly then. I'm just saying.

You can't do too much of unhealthy things okay !!

Maybe you should just write a book and document it all. You are quite interesting.

And then make some money out of the deal. Why can't you just be careful Crissssssss

Take care. You got this.

It's tough dude because I know myself well and I know that pigs will fly when I manage to use drugs responsibly. My only means of limiting my drug use is not buying a lot at once because I will just get high and start taking it all at once thinking I will reach some crazy epiphany. There's definitely a spiritual aspect to it, I don't do it just to feel something.. hard to explain. It's like my brain is a series of locked doors and drugs are the keys to experiencing a state that is normally impossible, I want to see it all before I die. If I take the 'right amount' of a drug I am just bored and itching for more.

I think if I ever wrote a book it would end up in a medical journal somewhere rather than a bookshelf. But I'll consider it.

In your case I'd say if you do return to recreational drug use cut the benzos out for good. How many hairy situations have you gotten yourself into involving drug use where Xanax wasn't involved? That seems to be the common denominator whenever your impulse control goes completely out the window and unless I'm misremembering every horror story you've shared with us in the past has involved Xanax.

Also 3 months isn't that long, probably not long enough if you're still thinking about drugs regularly so I think you need a longer break, a year maybe. I was a near daily drinker for over a decade as I worked in the hospitality industry and excessive drinking was just so normalised and indeed encouraged. I decided to quit when I started my degree and it wasn't until I'd been sober for a year that I really started to feel like the claws were loosening their grip.

Same deal following the great cathinone binge of 2009/10. It took a while to get back to normal, but I did eventually.

If I ever go back to using drugs Xanax will definitely be unavoidable and I don't really enjoy most drugs if I don't take Xanax with it. For me it's the only way to prevent panic from certain substances and the only way to make them enjoyable. Also a year sounds fucking crazy. I'm about on the edge of what I can take currently. Can't imagine what kind of state I'd be in a year.

do you have trauma in your past? was your childhood stable, how is your family support now? are you managing other physical or mental health stuff?

My life was pretty good I think I was just born this way. Or maybe I was exposed to the lifestyle too early. Who knows. I definitely cringe hard looking back to all the times I ruined my opportunities like when I lost my apartment after my landlord found me tweaking my brains out on shrooms or when I got arrested for doing stupid shit while barred out. Haven't really learned my lesson.

What drugs were you using? It can vary, but I think 6 months is pretty typical before PAWS goes away. So, symptoms like, anxiety, depression, insomnia BOREDOM (that was a huge one for me, I didn't enjoy anything as much and was chronically bored). It can be anywhere from 3 months to a couple years, but I think 6 months is about average.

Basically whatever I could get my hands on.. didn't really enjoy taking drugs on their own always had to mix a bunch of retarded shit together just to see what will happen. Got to a point where I was taking drugs daily until I ran out of money and I was basically never sober when I had money. I just think if sobriety is this feeling forever then maybe I really am wasting the best years of my life because it's an insane contrast to the rollercoaster I'm used to. When I was at my lowest I thought I would quit and never look back but it didn't even take a day for me to start changing my mind. Guess that's the human condition on full display

 

[chris_p]

Well I'm about 4,5 month off opioids now, and finally it's getting to a point where I'm starting to feel closer to my old self. I think about using sometimes, but not often. What helped me a lot is keep a personal diary, record how bad you feel in the days, weeks and months after but also during opioid use.

2 months ago I was still feeling very shitty, I'd say keep your head up and stay away from the hard drugs brother. You've been through the worst part, you might have some shitty days here and there (I also drank quite heavily on those days I must admit...) but in the coming months you will really start to feel a lot better and sober life will start to become appealing. All the side-effects of hard drugs just aren't worth it once you have taken them too often imo.

Thanks man I will hold out for another month and see how I feel.. also drinking heavily and smoking a lot of weed I'm not the type to drink normally I just feel like it's socially acceptable so people don't care, I am worried about the damage it's causing and I've been sneaking drinks during work more times than I'd like to admit. The battle with alcohol and how shit it makes me feel all the time is honestly one of my biggest considerations for returning to my previous drug use. Though If I didn't have any I'd definitely have jumped off a bridge by now.

 

[Quasimoto]

The old timers say it starts getting easier after 3 months. This is when your brain begins to heal the damage to the mid brain reward circuits caused by dopamine disregulation and dependence.

But this healing won't occur if you're still drinking.

In my life, whenever I quit harder stuff but continued drinking alcohol, I ended up the same or worse. You're kinda spinning your tires. Alcohol does the same thing to the brain that the hard stuff does, as well as it's own unique brain damage.

Trust me, you don't want to end up an alcoholic. When I quit heroin 12 years ago I started drinking. I ended up just as bad, actually worse, than I was on heroin.

Can you just stick to weed?

 

[kiely]

Slow down ? I think you can do this. Slowly maybe.

I'm glad you are safe @chris_p

Now stay that way !!

 

[Esperighanto]

It's like my brain is a series of locked doors and drugs are the keys to experiencing a state that is normally impossible, I want to see it all before I die. If I take the 'right amount' of a drug I am just bored and itching for more.

So, I want to preface this by saying that I'd advise you steer clear of GABA drugs like alcohol, benzodiazepines, GHB, etc, and also MDMA, you seemed to have serious addictivity issues with them. If you want to look inwards like this, my advice is to stick to just LSD, mushrooms, or another psychedelic that instills an instantaneous and super high tolerance so that it will limit how often you can dose. That's my idea on the matter, at least.

 

[jasperkent]

Everybody’s different, but generally speaking...
Sleep, Exercise, Nutrition, & Distractions + Time are your best friends.

I'm not entirely drug-free, but I did give up the substances that caused me the most harm:
Alcohol (by far my worst demon)
Methamphetamine
Oxycodone/Hydrocodone
Cocaine

I still use kratom fairly moderately and cannabis very moderately. Still very much addicted to nicotine & caffeine.
I use LSD "as needed."

I felt much better within a couple months of quitting, but had my ups&downs during the first year. It's been a little over two years now and I hardly ever think about that stuff anymore. Definitely not craving it.

And I feel better than I have in years.

 

[helpingout]

Everybody’s different, but generally speaking...
Sleep, Exercise, Nutrition, & Distractions + Time are your best friends.

I'm not entirely drug-free, but I did give up the substances that caused me the most harm:
Alcohol (by far my worst demon)
Methamphetamine
Oxycodone/Hydrocodone
Cocaine

I still use kratom fairly moderately and cannabis very moderately. Still very much addicted to nicotine & caffeine.
I use LSD "as needed."

I felt much better within a couple months of quitting, but had my ups&downs during the first year. It's been a little over two years now and I hardly ever think about that stuff anymore. Definitely not craving it.

And I feel better than I have in years.

That’s really nice. For me to hear at least.
I’m at three years off heroin, off kratom for about a week now after a little flirtation on a couple days for a week or so. I’m also feeling really good about things. I think I just handle things a little better nowadays. Admittedly. I still kind of crave when I’m pushed to a limit of being able to respond to a situation that maybe I should t be in. I notice I’ll use opiates to stay in that situation rather than end it. My other reasons to use are equally complex. Looks like I’ve learned to deal with some of the things that used to motivate me to enjoy some heroin. Now I use that time and energy to enjoy other things. It’ll come in time. But it’s real hard to see the forest but for the trees when your used to seeing things from a mountaintop. Come down off there and you’ll see things from a level plane. Your view is skewed oddly due to your vantage.

 

[helpingout]

I got it. It gets better when you recognize that the problems you have now are truly better than the problems around getting, using, and acquiring more. And concurrently, recognizing that the highs you enjoy now are more stable and more controllable and better for you than the highs which you at one time endured. You’re free now.

But do you want to be free? Or do you miss the close comfort of the cage?

 

[jasperkent]

I've heard people in AA/NA meetings say
"My worst day sober is better than my best day drinking/using."

Nonsense. That is a ridiculous statement.

BUT, I can honestly say that my problems in recovery are much less severe than my problems in active addiction.
AND, my day to day life is far more pleasant in recovery than it was before.
My highs aren't as high and my lows aren't as low, but my baseline is way better.

 

[helpingout]

I've heard people in AA/NA meetings say
"My worst day sober is better than my best day drinking/using."

Nonsense. That is a ridiculous statement.

BUT, I can honestly say that my problems in recovery are much less severe than my problems in active addiction.
AND, my day to day life is far more pleasant in recovery than it was before.
My highs aren't as high and my lows aren't as low, but my baseline is way better.

On that note

A poem

The Base Line
06/01/24
Poem : Valuable
I used to feel happy
When I was dancing to the bass lines
I’d rack up my cash
Trade it in to watch the tan dancer with the powder face
She’d play to me with her lace
Call me to the back room
She’d give me what I’d cum for
She took me quite serious
She took me to the edge of living
And really living
Begging for more
Nodding along
Dancing with her
Again Again Again!
Paying the DJ to play the bass line
Taking the lines to my face like slaked lime
Smelling the piss and vinegar
stink up the place
I want you all to my face
I fell in love
With the dancer who said
I’ll bring you flowers
But I could never smell the bouquet
Three day flowers
Dried and in vases
The beautiful chemistry
Of her bass and my acid inflection
And they’d play it again
Until i got sick of it
Like I’d caught an infection
Stepping away
Just to come back
I graduated
From that impoverished academy of dancers
Retreating to my bedroom
Listening to a recording
A five year rot
In a one room rent
Listening to the bass line
Giving my dancer her face time
Tracing the lines in my face for
the consequence
Of more and more

And then it’s the base line
The one at the bottom of everything
The truth about heroin
The daring of my harrowing
The narrowing of my perspective
The elimination of my ability
To collect my recollections
The predisposed stupidity of my
Suppositions
Assuming the position
Of the fool on the hill
Insufflated tan powder
until my lungs deflated
And my face turned blue
To the face
To the face
To the face
The based line
And I paid the price
For my castigation
Brilliance dulling
Brilliant culling of the prefrontal lobe
The locus of new thoughts
The center of prediction
Now I’ve lost count
Of the thoughts I’ve lost count of
Forgotten the memories
I committed to memory
The etchings of my idiocy
I must repeat the thing I am trying to remember
At least three times
Or I will forget it
And so we’ve arrived
At what I’m trying to remember to forget
The bass line
The bass line
The base line

 

[kiely]

omg

 

[kiely]

iuto

 

[chris_p]

Just as amazing as I remembered it all those other times. The bet way I can describe snorting 2cb is like LSD crack. I like to think of dmt as shrooms crack especialaly around how real it feels and that general tryptamine immersion.. While with 2cb it feels 'plastered' or not as deep into my vision and my mind, absolutely amazing psych especially with MDMA