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When does it get better?

H

Havokk

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 16, 2010
Messages
86
Hi all, im back again for some support...

i have been trying everything in my power to beat depression and anxiety but how much longer must i battle these demons?

i quit all drugs, beat valium addiction and withrawls take my anti-depressants daily, workout 4+ times a week ride to work dialy, cut right down on alcohol to just a few beers on the weekend moved out of home, stopped friendships with users, positive thinking and had a holiday.

but still i am depressed daily and want to attempt suicide again for the 4th time or self-harm i mean seriously i cant keep doing this everyday for years... it's gonna put me in prison, mental instition or dead. i mean what else is there to do apart from ride it out.... i lost all my friends after the move they wont even drive 30 minutes to see me and there primary school friends thats pretty pathetic i mean it could be because i was always so fucked up around them and brought down the mood, but im clean now. meh i just wish to be better anyways i have plenty of support from family and when i think of suicide again i know how much pain they went through but god damn this is hell! argh i just wont to drown myself this time!
 
I'm sorry you're still going through a rough time, but it's good that you are reaching out when you need it. Have you done any therapy or other "inner" work that might deal with the underlying issues that are creating anxiety/depression for you? I've found it to be very helpful, and its seems that when I'm able to look at certain issues that I'd rather block out, the anxiety seems to drop to a more manageable level after the initial difficult period.

I hope you give yourself the time to figure out what you need.
 
Yes ive been going to therapy but i dont know if i should maybe change doc because it doesnt seem to be working just still ridden with bad thoughts i just want to lay in bed all day popping diazepam like lollies and never come out. :(
 
I congratulate you (sincerely) on beating Valium. That is one tough beast.

Have you considered some radically different alternatives ?

By which I mean maybe 4-MMC or MDMA ?

I personally found 4-MMC to be beneficial (also knowm as mephedrone)

Just a thought.

I always found antidepresants to lack any therapeutic value.

In fact thay have increased my anxiety on the occasions when I was prescribed them.

I have some experience of where your coming from.

Sometimes I have laid in bed for a couple of days on my days off and all I want is sleep.
 
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nah i havnt thought of 4-MMC id rather not take more drugs, and as for MDMA i cant get it, i live in AUS and there is a massive drought and it wouldnt work with SSRI's but hey it looks like i need more drugs or something this is fucking lame
 
^ Yeah seriously don't get into 4-MMC.. will make things alot worse..

xenocatblack gtfo.
 
^ i would love to achieve being a dj but i just have no motivation atm and my fucked up past just keeps haunting me, im about to book a flight accross the otherside of the country and run and try and make something of myself im more likely to fail and then turn to suicide but fuck i either do it hear or over there.
 
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^ dude are u just trying to get your posts up... i mean uve posted like 13 times in my thread were im asking for help with one sentence lines asking me to try drugs that i know for a fact with my mental state/addiction past will just fuck me up... im not trying to bag u out or put u down im not that sort of person im just looking for some good support to get me through this shit hole of a week and one sentence lines about 4-MMC arnt anywhere near the target. sorry bro
 
Well it turns out I made a dramatic decision and I'm at the airport on my way to the otherwise of the country god I hope this somehow does what i need :s wish me luck!
 
Hey man I hope it works out for you wherever you are going. Maybe a new environment will change your mindset enough and you'll have a fresh start. Best of luck if you have the time let us know what you're up to and how you're feeling.
 
Havokk said:
Hi all, im back again for some support...

i have been trying everything in my power to beat depression and anxiety but how much longer must i battle these demons?

i quit all drugs, beat valium addiction and withrawls take my anti-depressants daily, workout 4+ times a week ride to work dialy, cut right down on alcohol to just a few beers on the weekend moved out of home, stopped friendships with users, positive thinking and had a holiday.

but still i am depressed daily and want to attempt suicide again for the 4th time or self-harm i mean seriously i cant keep doing this everyday for years... it's gonna put me in prison, mental instition or dead. i mean what else is there to do apart from ride it out.... i lost all my friends after the move they wont even drive 30 minutes to see me and there primary school friends thats pretty pathetic i mean it could be because i was always so fucked up around them and brought down the mood, but im clean now. meh i just wish to be better anyways i have plenty of support from family and when i think of suicide again i know how much pain they went through but god damn this is hell! argh i just wont to drown myself this time!
Click to expand...

While I can't tell you when things will get better, I can tell you one thing; they will get better. Life is weird that way. Sometimes it can feel like there is no point to anything, life isn't just pointless etc. But then something happens that you would have never expected and things start getting better. You are able to see a new side to everything, you start wanting to achieve things. You gain motivation to pursue your dreams...

Just keep going for it and never give up. Sorry for being so cliche, but it's true! :)

Take care!
 
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