Advice when do i tell my new partner ?

[maria xoxo]

hi everyone!! :3 so i've started talking to/seeing this really nice and sweet guy, i'm very sure he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend soon :] i really like him a lot, but we only met about a month and a half ago. before him, i was in a weird co-dependent relationship for about a year and a half and i guess i got used to the dynamic of that relationship, so now i'm trying to figure out how like normal relationships work? and when it's like appropriate to tell this new guy about i guess the "bad stuff"? i've got a history of mental health problems, self-harm and obviously using etc. he's a bit of a goody two shoes and doesn't drink or smoke or anything; he knows that i drink and smoke occasionally, but that's sort of the extent of his knowledge. i'm also a bit wary of exposing too much of myself and maybe trusting him too much in case things don't work out. i haven't used anything in a few months simply because i haven't had the opportunity to, but i think i would if i could get my hands on something, and i guess i'm worried about what might happen if my mental health takes a dip while we're together. i'm by no means an addict but i don't want to potentially mislead him about the kind of stuff i'm into and struggle with if i wait too long to say something, but at the same time, i'm kind of worried i might scare him off or make things weird if i tell him too soon. so does anyone have any thoughts about when to bring this sort of stuff up and how to do it? it's killing me feeling like i'm hiding things from him :[

 

[l41n]

when it feels right and natural to do so.

like if you get the sense that he won’t judge you for it, then it would make you closer being transparent.

 

[rufojones]

first off congrats on finding someone that makes you happy. as you said he is a sweet guy, so just tell him. If you don't see it as a problem ( i.e. not an addiction) than he shouldn't either. If he does have a problem than its better than its all out in the open and who knows.......maybe you like being with him better than whatever drug use you are referring to. or maybe he doesn't care and just lets you do you. The far worse thing is being dishonest , way worse than using drugs. It doesn't have to be a big thing, just be like , hey I want you to know/ Good luck and remember no matter what happens you are going to be okay and happy. much love

Andy

 

[TheUltimateFixx]

I'd hold off those topics for a little while yet. You've not even known him for a full two months. He might feel put off by the emotionally disturbing stuff that early into the relationship (and as if now, you don't officially even have a 'relationship'), especially if he's as strait-laced and sheltered as you describe him.

 

[snmfmy]

hi everyone!! :3 so i've started talking to/seeing this really nice and sweet guy, i'm very sure he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend soon :] i really like him a lot, but we only met about a month and a half ago. before him, i was in a weird co-dependent relationship for about a year and a half and i guess i got used to the dynamic of that relationship, so now i'm trying to figure out how like normal relationships work? and when it's like appropriate to tell this new guy about i guess the "bad stuff"? i've got a history of mental health problems, self-harm and obviously using etc. he's a bit of a goody two shoes and doesn't drink or smoke or anything; he knows that i drink and smoke occasionally, but that's sort of the extent of his knowledge. i'm also a bit wary of exposing too much of myself and maybe trusting him too much in case things don't work out. i haven't used anything in a few months simply because i haven't had the opportunity to, but i think i would if i could get my hands on something, and i guess i'm worried about what might happen if my mental health takes a dip while we're together. i'm by no means an addict but i don't want to potentially mislead him about the kind of stuff i'm into and struggle with if i wait too long to say something, but at the same time, i'm kind of worried i might scare him off or make things weird if i tell him too soon. so does anyone have any thoughts about when to bring this sort of stuff up and how to do it? it's killing me feeling like i'm hiding things from him :[

Figure out how "straight edge" he is. Then figure out if he will accept you not being straight edge like him.

Unfortunately most of the time the answer is NO.

 

[garygroundwork]

Sounds like he will be good for you

maybe the best thing that has ever happened to you

I wouldn't say anything yet but would try and quit or cut down any shit and use the relationship to motivate you

if u like him enough you will do it

 

[TotalTotalness]

My last relationship I was still addicted to morphine and basically a polydrug abuser around it, so I met one woman and we really clicked, so I started wondering how would she react if I tell her, so I started with some probing questions, asking about her opinion on heroin and etc and she was against, but ok if its a past thing...so I told her Im an x-junky and my plan was to try and taper down, cause I liked her a lot and wanted to make an effort to get clean. But when we went to a party, we got high on mdma and after i shoot some morph and meth in the toilet i couldnt stand being dishonest and told her, which she took it very well, with compassion and gave me a chance to get clean, but eventually i failed and we broke up. So for me honesty is key...just have to serve it properly. And having friends which are married with children and an h habbit - i really dont know how they manage with all that pressure of hiding, stealing, using, being sick and etc while trying not to get caught...

 

[axe battler]

hi everyone!! :3 so i've started talking to/seeing this really nice and sweet guy, i'm very sure he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend soon :] i really like him a lot, but we only met about a month and a half ago. before him, i was in a weird co-dependent relationship for about a year and a half and i guess i got used to the dynamic of that relationship, so now i'm trying to figure out how like normal relationships work? and when it's like appropriate to tell this new guy about i guess the "bad stuff"? i've got a history of mental health problems, self-harm and obviously using etc. he's a bit of a goody two shoes and doesn't drink or smoke or anything; he knows that i drink and smoke occasionally, but that's sort of the extent of his knowledge. i'm also a bit wary of exposing too much of myself and maybe trusting him too much in case things don't work out. i haven't used anything in a few months simply because i haven't had the opportunity to, but i think i would if i could get my hands on something, and i guess i'm worried about what might happen if my mental health takes a dip while we're together. i'm by no means an addict but i don't want to potentially mislead him about the kind of stuff i'm into and struggle with if i wait too long to say something, but at the same time, i'm kind of worried i might scare him off or make things weird if i tell him too soon. so does anyone have any thoughts about when to bring this sort of stuff up and how to do it? it's killing me feeling like i'm hiding things from him :[

How is your mental health right now? And how reliant on your new relationship is your mental health.
I would definitely leave it until you're sure he's sure. However if he rejects you and it causes a nosedive in your mental health or self harm/drug use, maybe now isn't quite the time for a relationship.
There's also a point where it'll be too late to tell him (any scars from self harm?) so maybe soon after accepting. Don't left him hold it over you, ever.
Life if for livin', though - so if he can't handle the fact you had a hard spell in life, fuck him.
What drugs do you currently use? If the answer is heroin or IV coke/meth then that's not gonna work, sadly. Maybe be honest, get clean as a friend, then you can go again.
Cool avatar btw.

 

[yubacity]

I'd hold off those topics for a little while yet. You've not even known him for a full two months. He might feel put off by the emotionally disturbing stuff that early into the relationship (and as if now, you don't officially even have a 'relationship'), especially if he's as strait-laced and sheltered as you describe him.

What im thinking also

 

[puke]

hi everyone!! :3 so i've started talking to/seeing this really nice and sweet guy, i'm very sure he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend soon :] i really like him a lot, but we only met about a month and a half ago. before him, i was in a weird co-dependent relationship for about a year and a half and i guess i got used to the dynamic of that relationship, so now i'm trying to figure out how like normal relationships work? and when it's like appropriate to tell this new guy about i guess the "bad stuff"? i've got a history of mental health problems, self-harm and obviously using etc. he's a bit of a goody two shoes and doesn't drink or smoke or anything; he knows that i drink and smoke occasionally, but that's sort of the extent of his knowledge. i'm also a bit wary of exposing too much of myself and maybe trusting him too much in case things don't work out. i haven't used anything in a few months simply because i haven't had the opportunity to, but i think i would if i could get my hands on something, and i guess i'm worried about what might happen if my mental health takes a dip while we're together. i'm by no means an addict but i don't want to potentially mislead him about the kind of stuff i'm into and struggle with if i wait too long to say something, but at the same time, i'm kind of worried i might scare him off or make things weird if i tell him too soon. so does anyone have any thoughts about when to bring this sort of stuff up and how to do it? it's killing me feeling like i'm hiding things from him :[

Watch a drug movie with him like Requiem for a dream or Trainspotting and see what his reaction is, maybe pop in some questions to see what he thinks about users.

 

[axe battler]

Watch a drug movie with him like Requiem for a dream or Trainspotting and see what his reaction is, maybe pop in some questions to see what he thinks about users.

I thought this was a good idea at first, but it could end up with him saying something really hurtful that he doesn't mean cos he doesn't know any better. Then again, she'd get an honest opinion. However if he was aware of her previous problems he'd probably be more sensitive. We all say stupid shit when joking around, especially me(n).