What's the point?

[captaincaveman]

Right, I've been a fairly upstanding citizen but my workmates still try to do me over. I'm ignored like my opinion doesn't count but here's the thing, I was most successful when I was hitting all kinds of shit during work hours. Now I get questioned why I don't drink and so forth. I was sent home and had my wages docked because I suffer from bad insomnia (due to an almost fatal head injury a few years ago) but my colleague was hung over to hell and she was sent home on full pay. I'm thinking well sod it, get back on the mscontin, subs, xanax and whatever at least then people will get on with me. Does anyone else feel like they need drugs to perform (a surgeon friend of mine is an opiate fiend!) But here's the thing, I'd lose a lot of money but is my sobriety worth it? And there's no HR to moan to. Some industries drugs are there and almost encouraged. Maybe its time to change career!? Advice please because I'm not known for my patience in board meetings!!

 

[J.Wallace]

Does anyone else feel like they need drugs to perform?

Yes.

I don't think it's uncommon to feel like you need a substance to deal with reality. It's something many people deal with. Look at cigarette smokers, and alcohol drinkers for example. Is it a wise thing to rely on drugs to perform? Maybe not wise, or healthy...but it doesn't make you a bad person. If you can accept that this is how you feel, than you can work on making your life easier by being off them. It takes time, and patience, but it can be done.

Don't let the frustration received from others affect you in such a way that it brings you down.

 

[captaincaveman]

Thanks J. What pisses me off is that alcohol is expected, if not encouraged! I go to press parties and I'm seen as odd that I don't want to drink. I've actually been tempted to say something like 'well it's not my drug of choice, give me some opiates and benzos and I'll party with that' wouldn't go down well. I'm actually applying for jobs in the middle east to get round this problem. I will not take a drink just to fit in as I've had severe problems in the past with booze. Might just say this. I'm sure you can't be sacked for what is, rightly or wrongly, recognised by the WHO as a medical condition.

 

[Allein]

Having been off the booze for nearly a year now I can relate to the reaction you get from some people when you end up having to say you don't drink. You would think people would just leave it alone but often I get cross questioned as to why, oddly people never ask me why I don't smoke

I'm not all that clear on what symptoms you are suffering at work and how this affects your ability to carry out your job but unless you need these drugs to combat actual symptoms then I wouldn't recommend using those drugs daily, in the long term it's not going to be a good move.

I know nothing about employment law in the States so I can't really help there, however work has been a real issue for me in the past and played a major factor in my last serious breakdown. My advice would be to try and stop worrying about fitting in and gaining acceptance, in the end it's work some people you will get on with some not whilst is good to have a few friends in the workplace don't make it be an essential, you don't need acceptance from people you don't even like anyhow.

I've recently changed jobs after being with one company for quite along time, I held quite seniour position simple because I'm good at what I do, but have always been regarded as somewhat of an odd ball, someone who often pointed at the elephant in the room. Don't make the mistake of pinning too much on work and acceptance from others, this played a major part in my breakdown and drove me to start using at work as I fell further and further into depression.

Sorry for the ramble it's early here and I haven't had my MST yet

 

[captaincaveman]

Well, i'm based in the UK atm and I also have a senior position (I'm known for what I do). Problem is I suffer quite badly from anxiety which in journalism can be quite a handicap. The only drug I used daily was xanax which ended badly when my supply dried up. Also I have no interest in being friends with my colleagues as my colleagues are arses and I have enough friends. Would just like a bit of basic cilvility at work, is that too much? Also (adopting Cartman's voice 'Respect my authoritah!)

 

[thelastclubkid]

Right, I've been a fairly upstanding citizen but my workmates still try to do me over. I'm ignored like my opinion doesn't count but here's the thing, I was most successful when I was hitting all kinds of shit during work hours. Now I get questioned why I don't drink and so forth. I was sent home and had my wages docked because I suffer from bad insomnia (due to an almost fatal head injury a few years ago) but my colleague was hung over to hell and she was sent home on full pay. I'm thinking well sod it, get back on the mscontin, subs, xanax and whatever at least then people will get on with me. Does anyone else feel like they need drugs to perform (a surgeon friend of mine is an opiate fiend!) But here's the thing, I'd lose a lot of money but is my sobriety worth it? And there's no HR to moan to. Some industries drugs are there and almost encouraged. Maybe its time to change career!? Advice please because I'm not known for my patience in board meetings!!

ive had the same issues... im an engineer and some of my best, most amazing work was done when i was totally high on dope... after that i remember awesome marathon sessions when i would do cocaine and write code all night.. come in (late) in the morning with a big problem solved and basically get not only a free pass but encouraged to keep up whatever i was doing to get this work done... now dont get me wrong..i still love doing drugs but as ive gotten older i have come to the realization that i dont want to be high all the time.. i actually enjoy being sober during the week and only like to party on the weekend and in certain ways this behavior is at odds with my attempts to live a more sober lifestyle because i truly believe that i could be doing better work than i am doing now if i started to use every day again...

and honestly, like yourself i dont really know what to do about it... right now im continuing with my "do less rather than more" plan but i question every day if i would be better off the other way...

 

[captaincaveman]

Thanks for the replies guys much appreciated. A quick example of drug use benefiting my company, I was writing a regional piece and due to my contacts I got the sales revenue up from £28k to £70k. How did I write the 7000 words? Lots of coke and I didn't get a dime of the ad revenue! Wasn't feeling great for a couple of days after, well that's what three days straight does to you. But I'm done with killing myself to work, I live to work not work to live!

 

[Missykins]

OMG if I were using at work half of my patients would be dead. Don't even entertain the thought.

Lots of folks experience the same thing you are now. Focus on finding a new job rather than returning to drugs.

And, sorry, how did your insomnia get you sent home?

 

[Beat It]

Right, Does anyone else feel like they need drugs to perform (a surgeon friend of mine is an opiate fiend!)

Yeah, I know how you feel, but doesn't make it true. To me, it sounds like there might be issues that your using drugs to cope with. Educate yourself! There's lots of ways to deal with negative emotions without throwing yourself overboard. Just have to be open. I think that this sounds like a rationalization. Anyone agree?

 

[manicmama]

Yeah that's true, but from my own experience it can be hard to cope with being in a situation where everyone else is intoxicated, and you're the only sober/clean one - and then to have them try and get you to join them, and when you decline, they seem to shut you out, label you as a bore.
It's seems silly to let it bother you, of course your health and other reasons for abstinence should be priority, but as social creatures it's natural to want to be included too.
Even if their DOC is different to yours, it still seems easier to tolerate and get along with others when you're on your own drug of choice. It's kinda like, look at them havin a ball and here I am, miserable as hell tryin my best to steer clean of what gives me pleasure. Feeling sorry for yourself in a way, I know I think, 'if this is what normal life is like then what's the point?'
I think ultimately, you have to remember the reasons you chose to get clean, and ask yourself are they more important than fitting into the situation you're in. If the answers yes, hold onto that, and if you're still finding things difficult then remove yourself from those situations if you can, as OP is doing, looking for a new job, if it's friends, cut them off and find new ones you can relate to in your new frame of mind, if it's the neighbours askin you round, tell them no enough times and they should get the hint, if not become the neighbour from hell!!!
I've been there when I quit drinkin - I live with my father and brother who have drink problems, when I quit coke - I now have an entire new set of friends and phone number, and no doubt I'll need it when I decide to give my current addiction up. It's not easy at all, but the point, is whatever reason you chose to get clean in the first place.

 

[captaincaveman]

Well Missykins, my friend is a top surgeon and he has worked with an opiate habit for years. Don't think he uses at work though (can't say if he has lost patients because every surgeon must lose patients at some point). Obviously, the insomnia didn't get me sent home, but being visably shattered at work did (although having to leave work because you're suffering from a terrible hangover was seen as fine). As for the other responses, I do enjoy myself sober, I went to see the London Symphony Orchestra recently because Daniel Harding was conducting and had a look round Damien Hirst's exhibition at the Tate (would never have dreamed of doing this kind of stuff when I was loaded). As for my friends, I've had to ditch a few who only associate me with getting high. As for using drugs to deal with underlying issues, that's an obvious axiom. I do see a therapist. What gets to me as that some industries especially media, actively encourage drinking as if its part of the job. The amount of excuses I have to come out with is crazy, drinking in the UK is out of control, the amount the NHS has to spend on alcohol related illnesses/accidents runs into the billions every year. Been thinking about the Middle East for a while, as soon as it gets its MSCI upgrade I'm off