So, with only two episodes of TF&TWS left for me to watch I got through most of ep. 5 before pausing it 10 mins from the end to have a look at the dark, not expecting much especially considering I took a huge dose of methadone yesterday. However, it seems that 30 hours after dosing, the methadone may not be impeding the heroins effect but possibly potentiating it, as a shot and most of a plate later I am back on here running my virtual mouth and keeping episode 6 of the show on standby while I soak up the moderate but still eyelid drooping glow from kit that I am expecting to dry up, being my paranoid usual self.
Still, it serves as a genuine justification to make hay with the potential to actually be ahead of something good, at least with regards to my personal situation, although I use a lot less frequently when all is said and with done I have stopped apologising to people for doing what I do, the only exception to this being my dad, who through time and patience I will never fathom has a complete understanding of what I do and why and although I have failed in every way one can in the eyes of most, my dad understands that the drugs themselves are not the issue, that the problem was my inability to control my own greed compounded by a law and society that told me I would be seen as and treated by many as a piece of fucking shit should I ever share the details of my disgusting behaviour with anyone - its a bell that could not be unrung and as the most pathetic and arrogant cunt on the block, I must have actually believed that I had either the ability or right to control peoples awareness of my use which became a self fulfilling prophecy regardless. Anyhoo, I had better stop typing as whatever point I failed to make above is now well lost so with more pipewight, golden death and ganj left I will try another round. Thanks for reading!