What to do...

BananasAndOranges

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 25, 2010
Messages
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I think I made a big mistake moving out of my parents, but maybe not. I love them but they smother me to much with bs. I'm trying to get off this methadone/heroin thing. I've used heroing and vicodin no methadone for now 2days. I feel like utter shit. I should have some clondine,and some promethazine for the discomfort but anyway I'm really thinking about going cold turkey and just using those pills and my benzos and extras that I have and a little weed.

Theres something wrong with me and I cant even diagnose it. I really feel terrible for everything I've done and the truth is I haven't done anything. Well other than use drugs I have never stole, thieved, or "borrowed" from anyone in my life. It always happens to me if anything. I don't really know what I should do right now I dunno if extra benzos and those two meds will get me by and some herb for atleast 4 days so I can get clean for good, switch to subs and do a Very quick taper if anything just subs for 2 days max. If I dont use I feel fine, if I use, I feel like a maniac, manic depressive, and really really regret things I shouldn't regret but shouldn't be thinking about even. I hope this is understandable to someone as fucked up as me.:\
 
People who go through this shit are more interesting people I find anyway.

I also moved out of my olds cose they smother me something outrages .... It kills my independence. As soon as you move out .. it's up too you to make something of your life. When your at you parents you become complacent and you never really go anywhere.

You have taken the first steps.

1) You moved out.
2) Your quitting opiates.

Your not fucked up ... your getting your shit together ..

Just remember ....

You will never experience life's highs until you experience life's lows.
 
Moving out is a great decision, it's the best choice I made for myself last year. It also gives you more reason to fix up whatever issues are going on because you will then be the one who is completely responsible for yourself.

If you're coming off opiates, wouldn't it makes sense that you feel like shit right now? Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It sounds like you are doing your best to take care of business, so don't minimize how much you're doing!
 
I want to go jump off my 20 story rooftop. I don't care. I feel like shit. My friends are not friends. I hate the fact I moved to a city full of shady people. I'm sick of getting fucked over. I really cant think of any reasoning why I shouldn't just go for it. I'm having a terrible withdrawal and I don't know where I should go for help. I really doubt two non opiate/oid medicines are going to make me feel better at all. I feel depressed and lonely as always. Another shitty fucking day. I may do it because everytime I want to I try to talk to someone and they tell me no leave me be so I think I should just to show everyone I hate the world and my pathetic life.

four bags of heroin and I'm still no good. I want to thank all my shitty ass friends thanks for all the support, after I have helped you all many times be for and still get shit in return.
 
I want to go jump off my 20 story rooftop. I don't care. I feel like shit. My friends are not friends. I hate the fact I moved to a city full of shady people. I'm sick of getting fucked over. I really cant think of any reasoning why I shouldn't just go for it. I'm having a terrible withdrawal and I don't know where I should go for help. I really doubt two non opiate/oid medicines are going to make me feel better at all. I feel depressed and lonely as always. Another shitty fucking day. I may do it because everytime I want to I try to talk to someone and they tell me no leave me be so I think I should just to show everyone I hate the world and my pathetic life.

four bags of heroin and I'm still no good. I want to thank all my shitty ass friends thanks for all the support, after I have helped you all many times be for and still get shit in return.



I don't think you are in withdrawal, i think you have "opiate rage", i use to get it when i was on the Methadone clinic, try to taper down some.
 
no im w/ding. I can feel the cold hot flashes. I need help and am sick of putting up with garbage that I do. Can I go to a doctor and get some hydrocodeine or something like that. I need serious help and heroin doesn't cut it. Especially when I'm trying to stop that
 
What I would do is continue using heroin [I hate to say that but oh well] till I talked to a doctor and got back on the bupe. I forget the protocol for switching from methadone to bupe. I do believe that you have to be on a minimum of 30mgs before they would attempt a switch.

I can completely relate to how your feeling and even with a lower 30mg dose of methadone for the last month or two you are definitely going to feel it. I think I got down to like 18-19mgs [I was stable on 90'ish mgs for almost 2 yrs before I started the long horrible taper] I just couldnt take detoxing off methadone even 1mg drops I would be fuct for days. I cant recall how much dope I had to shoot to get off the done or well feel ok to function but it was alot. Feeling ok is subjective though. Regardless its not a fun place to be in and its hard to give advice in a situation like this but know it can get better.

I would just try to get a plan in order, bupe doc appointment, etc. If the heroin isnt killing most of the w/ds hydros wont do a thing.

peace.
seedless
 
Wow I was reading back on some of my old posts and I found one from way back where I was in a well bad place. This was pre-suboxone, I got on it not to long after this time period. Now I am off the subs/benzos/speed/heroin [what-have you] except for the weed :)

I shudder when I think back about that time but it is ABSOLUTELY possible to get thru this. I personally think I waited to long to clean up but oh well. I am still alive. Hang in there B&O!

I was so scattered back than and was a dickhead.
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=73805
oh and I dont think they had spell check on BL back than or the return key obviously.

peace.
seedless
 
Stick at it mate! It will be horrible, but so so worth it. You will most likely feel depressed for a while but it will get better and better! I really care for you mate and don't wanna see another person ruin their lives with opiates.

You will never experience life's highs until you experience life's lows.

...until you get off those numbing opiates!
 
all I have is vicodin and I can't take it 5 7.5 pills fuck

and once again I HAVE A FUCKING BUPE DOCTOR and I have no idea where to get dope right now
 
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Assuming your parents know about your addiction and will to get clean why not go home then? I am a parent of adult children and I can tell you that just because kids grow up does not mean we still don't desire to help you :) Your folks can help you with your WD too. Just my opinion. Good luck.
 
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