What to do when it feels life's best things are over for you?

[chief ten beers]

I feel absolutely horrible lately, in regards to life the shine is definitely off the apple. I feel like my best times are certainly behind me(I'm 48) and the future ain't looking very promising at this point. It almost seems like I'm going through an end of life review while still alive, memories keep coming up from my past and all I find myself saying out loud to myself "what an asshole I was"! How could I have been so clueless, selfish, and foolish? I see there are quite a few posts on here from people who are in their teens and 20's....don't turn out like me, a guy who spent most of his life high and drunk and now finding themselves at middle age with nothing is a very hard to live with. You don't want that, trust me. If my older self could have talked to my younger self I would have advised a much different route, try to get sober while you are young and there is still yet hope. It's a bitter pill to swallow when you look back at your life with self hatred for being such a fool, I feel like Ebenezer Scrooge. I don't mean to sound preachy, I'm lamenting my life and yet trying to add a cautionary tale at the same time I guess. You can get away with being a fool for a long time in many cases but if you stay on the burner too long you are going to get burnt. I just has to get this out, I'm not sure what to do to alleviate my sense of suffering. I can't get over this feeling that my sojourn on earth has been an absolute failure. I no longer want to live yet I'm too chicken to end it by my own hand. I probably sound pathetic but I am in a state of suffering and it is hard to deal with this everyday.

 

[Lobsterbutch]

Thats always an awful feeling to have. I'm roughly half your age, but I do know how you feel. Looking back at all the dumb shit, missed opportunities, and time wasted doing nothing (for me doing nothing was generally the same as getting high.......you know what I mean? you'd say "I'm gonna get fixed just a bit then I'll breeze through todAys responsibilities.....then you get high and promptly do nothing at all :/). Coming out of the fog, you start to realize how much more there is to be done and how much you've left behind. Thats the thing that always drives me back into using, the guilt of missing the good parts, regret for past deeds, and the knowledge that at some point I had a chance to move in a positive direction, but blew it because drugs were more important. But if there is one thing I've noticed (from all the people I've met who have put down the drugs), is that all of them (eventually) find a way to fix all the destruction from the past, and if they couldn't fix it, they found a way to make peace and move on. Now it seems like even though they've had such a messed up past, they've been able to find their way so to speak. I'm not there, but im working on it? It'll suck pretty hard for awhile, but I've been told that anything worth having isn't easy to get. I hope you can steer clear of the substances long enough to find out where you really want to go. I know that the drugs have clouded me up for long enough to forget what my goals were, but I really think anyone can find that again if they just keep going. I wish you the best man

 

[Cosmic Trigger]

I feel absolutely horrible lately, in regards to life the shine is definitely off the apple. I feel like my best times are certainly behind me(I'm 48) and the future ain't looking very promising at this point. It almost seems like I'm going through an end of life review while still alive, memories keep coming up from my past and all I find myself saying out loud to myself "what an asshole I was"! How could I have been so clueless, selfish, and foolish?

Most everyone is going to feel these things. We are all selfish fools imo. We are made clueless by our parents and schools and institutions who lie to us about the real conditions of life. They say they are "protecting us" but in reality they are trying to protect themselves at our expense. I'm in my 60s and I've been where you are and still find myself there occasionally. My advice is to simplify your life. Get a dog and learn to train it correctly and create a bond of care and companionship that just might start to set you right again. YMMV but having and training and caring for dogs makes dealing with life somewhat doable. You can't find better friends. Best of luck.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

You are absolutely right about getting a dog. They are the best companions and they will love you unconditionally, unlike humans. My granny got a dog and it gives her reasons to get up in the morning and walk it. It added joy in her life. We have 2 dogs in the house. I'm miserable and my life is a waste right now too, but seeing the dogs make me happy even if it's only for a little bit. I'm not with them all the time. There are other people here who help care for them.

 

[puddykat]

Hey ! It isn't over for you and you know the fact that you can acknowledge your mistakes shows a lot of character . Some people carry on and on until death . Take care .

 

[assclass]

find solace in reincarnation.

next life I'm gonna be happy.

 

[Moreaux]

I feel absolutely horrible lately, in regards to life the shine is definitely off the apple. I feel like my best times are certainly behind me(I'm 48) and the future ain't looking very promising at this point. It almost seems like I'm going through an end of life review while still alive, memories keep coming up from my past and all I find myself saying out loud to myself "what an asshole I was"! How could I have been so clueless, selfish, and foolish? I see there are quite a few posts on here from people who are in their teens and 20's....don't turn out like me, a guy who spent most of his life high and drunk and now finding themselves at middle age with nothing is a very hard to live with. You don't want that, trust me. If my older self could have talked to my younger self I would have advised a much different route, try to get sober while you are young and there is still yet hope. It's a bitter pill to swallow when you look back at your life with self hatred for being such a fool, I feel like Ebenezer Scrooge. I don't mean to sound preachy, I'm lamenting my life and yet trying to add a cautionary tale at the same time I guess. You can get away with being a fool for a long time in many cases but if you stay on the burner too long you are going to get burnt. I just has to get this out, I'm not sure what to do to alleviate my sense of suffering. I can't get over this feeling that my sojourn on earth has been an absolute failure. I no longer want to live yet I'm too chicken to end it by my own hand. I probably sound pathetic but I am in a state of suffering and it is hard to deal with this everyday.

I can absolutely relate. I'm forty and feel like I just woke up from a bad dream and all of a sudden I'm old, with no direction in life and no accomplishments. I too have been selfish and a slew of other things. I never handled life's events properly, I always seemed to do the exact opposite of what I should have done and as a result there is a lot of guilt, shame, and remorse.

However, there are still so many more years ahead. It's possible to change who you are and it is possible to work for the life that you want. Set some goals and plan how you can achieve them. Try not to live in the past - it's over and it's not coming back. Focus on today. It's not too late. It does get better and it's more than possible the best has yet to come.

 

[MrRoot]

Downshifting did well for me. All the time I was chasing more and more respect from society by trying to achieve something or getting new status symbols and didn't work for me at all. It just caused more anxiety as I wasn't ever happy with anything I achieved as I just wanted more and more.

In the end no one actually gives a damn about your new BMW (unless you are driving nearly on their bumper) or your golden watch or that you don't have any spare time in your calender. It is all just for yourself and you can get lost into it very easily.

Currently I try to accept things as they are and view the past as something I can't do anything for so I shouldn't bother too much with it.

I'm on my thirties but I actually feel like being twenty or younger and even plan on going to university and such as I feel like life still has a lot to offer for me and I can offer something for others.

Some of my current viewpoints:
- Accept things as they are as you can't change anything after it has happened but you can choose how to react in the present and change things when they are happening
- Accept people as they are as you can't change them but you can help them to change if they want it themselves
- Accept your past and try to learn from it without feeling bad for what have happened in the past
- Your future is yours and you can affect it by trying to react the present in a way you feel is best for you and which doesn't harm others

 

[Moreaux]

Downshifting did well for me. All the time I was chasing more and more respect from society by trying to achieve something or getting new status symbols and didn't work for me at all. It just caused more anxiety as I wasn't ever happy with anything I achieved as I just wanted more and more.

In the end no one actually gives a damn about your new BMW (unless you are driving nearly on their bumper) or your golden watch or that you don't have any spare time in your calender. It is all just for yourself and you can get lost into it very easily.

Currently I try to accept things as they are and view the past as something I can't do anything for so I shouldn't bother too much with it.

I'm on my thirties but I actually feel like being twenty or younger and even plan on going to university and such as I feel like life still has a lot to offer for me and I can offer something for others.

Some of my current viewpoints:
- Accept things as they are as you can't change anything after it has happened but you can choose how to react in the present and change things when they are happening
- Accept people as they are as you can't change them but you can help them to change if they want it themselves
- Accept your past and try to learn from it without feeling bad for what have happened in the past
- Your future is yours and you can affect it by trying to react the present in a way you feel is best for you and which doesn't harm others

^ very well said. I couldn't agree more. Hope all is well MrRoot!

 

[bomber]

Im 20 and I already worry that I will feel like that in some years from now.

 

[MrRoot]

Moreaux, all is well. I've just been doing a lot of thinking lately How are you?

I've also been trying to adjust to a fact that I'll be staying on opiate replacement therapy for a while and how it will affect my life and such.