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TDS what to do? rehab

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spark07

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 10, 2013
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2
my boyfriend just went into rehab for 30 days for benzo addiction. we were fighting alot the week before he left but the day he left i was in the hospital and he flew home randomly and went the next day. he told me he loves me but he cant have a phone for these 30 days. we've been together 6 months now. im totally lost
 
i love him i really cant lose him i have talked to his mom and she told me that she got to talk to him on the phone last night. she said that she told him i miss him and am thinking about him. she says he is doing ok but im so fucking lost. he is my everything not 1 day went by for 7 months that we did not talk
 
If he is seeking help for his drug problem you should at least be supportive. Once he's out and clean be willing to give him a second chance but always be on your guard. People do change but benzo addiction is a hard one to break.
 
Aw this must be a very hard time for both you and your partner, but you need to hang in there & be strong for him.
What he is doing is an act to benefit the both of you in the end.
I know its hard not being able to contact him, and he is probably feeling the same way. But 30 days will go by quickly.
I hope he gets better in there <3
 
This may be an opportune time to do some self-introspection and re-discover you. It sounds as if you have sold the farm on behalf of this guy as in set up your feelings and where you are in life dependent on him. From what I have seen, relationships cannot survive this way. It is is a potentially toxic situation for both of you.

If you are unable to provide support over the phone due to a phone ban at rehab, I would turn this rather confusing time for him into a period of re-discovery for you. His rehab and what he is doing has nothing to do with you. Support him to the best of your ability, but do not lose yourself in the process. When I attach to situations and extend beyond what I can healthily give someone, I end up losing myself in the end. All of these little attachments add up as a whole and I end up giving myself away and, like you, can feel lost in these difficult periods of time. It can be scary, depressing, and confusing.

Sit with yourself daily, breath deeply, and feel you. Guess who is the most important person in your life? You. Guess who you should love more than life itself? You. Guess who comes first when it comes to the entire world? You. Without a healthy and content you, there is no relationship and no healthy support you can give your boyfriend when he returns home. This is a period of discovery for him and I would be so very excited for myself and these four weeks for my own self-discovery. Turn your negative, self-defeating thoughts about being lost into positive, reassuring thoughts of finding yourself. I do not know about you, but my mind is the source of all of my problems.

You are not lost without him. If it feels this way, you may be giving too much of yourself away. From my own personal experience, it leads to great pain in the end. I had a six year toxic relationship. I hope you can mortar your foundation prior to extending a potentially toxic relationship as long as I did.

You will be OK.
 
If he really had a problem with benzos, then it's good that he's going to get some help.

Be happy that this is going to help him out. You and him can talk after the 30 days are up. It'll go by quicker than you think.

Focus on yourself, not enough people give themselves alone time. If you get lonely, talk to some friends/family and they'll cheer you up. :)
 
fifleman said:
This may be an opportune time to do some self-introspection and re-discover you. It sounds as if you have sold the farm on behalf of this guy as in set up your feelings and where you are in life dependent on him. From what I have seen, relationships cannot survive this way. It is is a potentially toxic situation for both of you.

If you are unable to provide support over the phone due to a phone ban at rehab, I would turn this rather confusing time for him into a period of re-discovery for you. His rehab and what he is doing has nothing to do with you. Support him to the best of your ability, but do not lose yourself in the process. When I attach to situations and extend beyond what I can healthily give someone, I end up losing myself in the end. All of these little attachments add up as a whole and I end up giving myself away and, like you, can feel lost in these difficult periods of time. It can be scary, depressing, and confusing.

Sit with yourself daily, breath deeply, and feel you. Guess who is the most important person in your life? You. Guess who you should love more than life itself? You. Guess who comes first when it comes to the entire world? You. Without a healthy and content you, there is no relationship and no healthy support you can give your boyfriend when he returns home. This is a period of discovery for him and I would be so very excited for myself and these four weeks for my own self-discovery. Turn your negative, self-defeating thoughts about being lost into positive, reassuring thoughts of finding yourself. I do not know about you, but my mind is the source of all of my problems.

You are not lost without him. If it feels this way, you may be giving too much of yourself away. From my own personal experience, it leads to great pain in the end. I had a six year toxic relationship. I hope you can mortar your foundation prior to extending a potentially toxic relationship as long as I did.

You will be OK.
Click to expand...

Excellent post, fifleman! :)

spark07, I can tell that this is really hard on you and that this is a shock since it happened pretty suddenly but please know that he's doing something that will be positive for him in the long term. 30 days may seem like a long time, but it should fly right by. Try not to worry about him too much, he's in a safe place. Try as best as you can to be supportive of him and maybe write him letters if you're able to. I think it's excellent that you're able to contact him through his mom and I'm sure hearing your messages through her is comforting to him right now.

Hang tight, everything will be fine. <3
 
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