Mental Health what to do next self destruction, mental health

[en10se]

im not sure how to move forward after the past few days/ mindset ive been in. Skip to now , and ive had history w/ mental health and co occuring substance abuse. This past week anxiety/ depression was creepin up worse and i saw myself dosing ativan more frequently (every 48 hours),

then a few days back i intentionaly took enough ativan to lose inhibitions, i then began punching a cement walk over the course of an hour or so, with small rest inbetween. I was aiming at breaking my hand. I was told it wasnt broken at the hospital, but its still fucked up.

fast forward to later on next day i drank enough to lose inhibitions 400ml vodka, and began cutting myself. Now today i am recovering from both nights, and tryna move forward, idk if i need to talk to a professional about my last events to prevent further impulsive self destruction. i feel alright now but confused how to get my shit back together

 

[herbavore]

You should definitely talk to someone. Sounds like you have a lot of pain inside that needs to be heard. I hope you have access to help. Is your family supportive/near?

 

[manboychef]

The desire for self harm was always there....consider that the gasoline....it only took substances to ignite it and get it going. First step, avoid substances till you can get this under wraps.
second step, find a psychotherapist that you feel comfortable talking too...i stress the whole comfort thing because I have had a few that I just didn't find myself able to open up to...it was a wasted effort which led me not to seek treatment again for a few years.
third step, get a diagnosis...once you have a diagnosis your psychiatrist and psychotherapist can tailor make a treatment plan for you to help you work past these feelings.

part of my story contains suicide attempts and ideation because I just plain did not like who I was. It took quitting the drugs and taking my prescribed medicine the way it was intended to get my brain chemistry right. It also took talking through a lot of the things that have happened to me over the years in order to work past them. I would find myself stumbling on things, dwelling on the past, and getting stuck on intrusive thought loops when I tried to do it on my own.

Just remember, with help, this will pass. Nothing is broken inside you that cannot be mended.