What to do after rehab when AA/NA is the only option for "support"

[1935]

Rehab is great and really works, except for the part that it forces to attend this self-righteous AA/NA cult. They claim they aren't religious, but they still act like any religious fundamentalist trying convert addicts into their twisted cult they call support. Sure, they don't directly believe there's some bloke guiding everyone from the clouds and to them, that's the evidence they need to prove they aren't a religious group. They go even further than that and say their god can be anything, but it must be something. If you don't have that "higher power", then you must pull one out your butt. That higher power is anyway so almighty that you should throw away your own thoughts, beliefs, morals etc. and start worshipping AA/NA text as a way of life as your "higher power" tells you. That saves you.

Just like any religious group, they try to empower their religion and group by crushing the individual. They start by telling you how incredibly evil and selfish you are by default and by following this magnificient program you can become so magnificient person you couldn't believe. This of course means that you change your lord from alcohol/drugs to AA/NA. If you don't convert, then you have no chance to remain clean. And if you relapse, it was despite AA/NA. They did everything right and their program is above any criticism. Even NA/AA couldn't prevent you.

Unfortunately, this is the only kind of "support" available outside the expensive rehabs. I don't find this "support" to be very helpful, but options are very limited if you dislike AA/NA and don't want to listen for the rest of your life how evil and selfish you are without this program. What bugs me even more is the logic why rehab is forcing clients to attend AA/NA. They do it because it's free and always available. Which is like saying there are much better support, but because AA/NA is free, it's the way. And if you don't do it, then, by their logic, you don't truly want to quit. Because if you truly want to quit, you'll accept any crap offered to you. So you cannot even question the logic behind it.

So what to do when this crap is the only available "support" outside rehabs (I don't live in a big country, so options are far more limited for me)? I want to quit drugs, but I don't want to convert into a self-decepting religion that pretends it isn't even a religion.

 

[tathra]

anon --> sober living

 

[Tombs]

Look, friend. I used to be a fairly enthusiastic member of AA and I've noticed it does do a lot of good in many communities. For a lot of addicts and drunks, this really is the last and possibly only shot at a decent life.

...and then there's us. I'm not religious, spiritual or even superstitious. This is where my first break was. The second was when I was prescribed medical marijuana and this didn't fly in the program. All the people popping prescription benzos, suboxones or antidepressants are A-OK but me using medical bud was a no-go. I don't get it.

After the program, I've found that the very few family and friends left in my life are a really great support structure. I ALWAYS try to be honest with my mom and gf as much as I can and it works for the best. They're very understanding and are always willing to help despite not always being familiar with the true nature of addiction. So that's what I suggest - bare your soul to the few people close to you, reach out for help and you might be pleasantly surprised.

 

[Mmp85]

I'm also not a fan of the 12 step programs even though I am religious, I just don't think God has anything to do with my drinking habits. I don't think he would go to the trouble to make me an addict and complicate my life and others just to fix it suddenly because I admitted it.
The best I can do is find hobbies and activities that don't involve alcohol.

 

[cj]

Lots of people agree with you. I don't go to meetings.

 

[aihfl]

I'm thinking some volunteer work and a therapist is in order for me right now.

Volunteer work was actually suggested by a therapist in my last medical detox.

After the program, I've found that the very few family and friends left in my life are a really great support structure. I ALWAYS try to be honest with my mom and gf as much as I can and it works for the best. They're very understanding and are always willing to help despite not always being familiar with the true nature of addiction. So that's what I suggest - bare your soul to the few people close to you, reach out for help and you might be pleasantly surprised.

Having people that can hold you accountable is important. For me personally, that meant getting a sponsor and being involved in AA because my mother and I are the only two members of our family left and we have a dysfunctional relationship and I keep her at arm's length. Every time I drifted away from AA or the friends that I kayak, sail and cycle with, it became more difficult to stay sober.

The best I can do is find hobbies and activities that don't involve alcohol.

Every hour that you spend preoccupied with something, whether it's volunteering for a good cause or doing a hobby is an hour you're not thinking about using or drinking.

 

[no_id]

You can use reddit OpiateRecovery or this place as a form of support. You can too support yourself by keeping a journal about how things are. It's hard, idk where you live but perhaps you can benefit of psychological help without paying much as in some kind of psychological center ?

I agree with all the NA/AA bullshit. I will go at the center for opiate detox in some month and I do my best to avoid this kind of stuff wich is full of know it all bs. Perhaps it's good if you are in an advanced stage of addiction or if you need to place opiate as some form of God for yourself, but if not, that's kind of sect who avoid any reason/introspection into what they do.

 

[EphemeralOutlet141]

I'm not a fan of AA/NA either. When I attended inpatient we had speakers come in to hold meetings 3-4 days a week and by the 3rd one I was already tired of it.

I'm not spiritual/religious and I don't identify with their message. Don't get me wrong, I understand that it works for a lot of people. I've met speakers with 40+ years of sobriety that love spreading the message to others and I think that's amazing. It just doesn't work for me though, it's just too much like a church.

To some degree it is inspirational to me though. I understand why it works for people, it's very helpful to be able to connect with other people in the same situation as you. I just prefer to cut out the whole organization and keep in touch with my sober friends. But hey if it works for some people, I'm happy for them.

 

[herbavore]

Maybe you can go to meetings just for contributing support to others. There are so many non 12 step resources online for supporting personal growth and healing that the meetings would not have to be the main focus but rather something peripheral. There are people at every one of those meetings that feel just like you--maybe you'll make a support buddy and that will make it worth it.

One thing I have always wondered since so many people have negative experiences with 12 step: why don't people start their own support groups?

 

[Mmp85]

I think because anything but 12 step is so frowned upon in the recovery community.
I went to a good rehab, they did medical detox, it was a legitimate place. But they still preached the idea that we would quite literally die without AA/NA after rehab. It doesn't give you much ambition to start a program you're being told will fail. I think some are getting off the ground but AA/NA took years to get as huge as it.

 

[EphemeralOutlet141]

I think because anything but 12 step is so frowned upon in the recovery community.
I went to a good rehab, they did medical detox, it was a legitimate place. But they still preached the idea that we would quite literally die without AA/NA after rehab. It doesn't give you much ambition to start a program you're being told will fail. I think some are getting off the ground but AA/NA took years to get as huge as it.

I can kinda confirm that this is the case sometimes, I've heard 12 step speakers openly shit on other programs (well more like discredit them but you get it they're not fans). I much prefer SMART Recovery as it is based entirely on cognitive behavioral therapy and psychology. It was part of our rehab curriculum but nowhere near as big a part as 12 step.

Herbavore is right though, there are alternatives. 12 step is just the biggest program. You might like the others.

 

[spacejunk]

^ that's right.

do you know about SMART? i've been to a couple of their meetings in my area and found that i liked their vibe a lot more than NA/AA.
each to their own, of course - 12 step groups are brilliant for some people.

 

[aihfl]

that's kind of sect who avoid any reason/introspection into what they do.

Proving once again that people who dislike 12 step the most know the least about it.

do you know about SMART? i've been to a couple of their meetings in my area and found that i liked their vibe a lot more than NA/AA.
each to their own, of course - 12 step groups are brilliant for some people.

SJ, I am not a rabid 12 stepper and attend Refuge Recovery meetings in addition to AA. I have tried just about every alternative to 12 step there is and people who trash AA/NA and profess an interest in SMART or other alternative means of support, over many years of observation, are merely paying lip service to recovery because in the end, addicts and alcoholics don't like taking advice. And it doesn't just have to do with 12 step meetings; look at all the posts here people have made over time calling their psychiatrists, doctors and therapists dumb, ignorant, incompetent etc. etc. and those are less pejorative words.

 

[achemicalreaction]

As far as alternative support, what’s helped me the most is seeing an addiction therapist every week. Finally completely honest with her, though it took me a year to get there. it’s really good to feel understood by someone who has gotten clean, I believe she’s at 9 years. She used A.A. and found a home there, I haven’t had luck yet feeling good there but I don’t think finding support happens overnight. She said it took her nearly a year of trying. I imagine everyone is different. I got the In the Rooms app too, and have done some online Smart meetings. I think NA or A.A. can be good for some people, but I also think it works better for people who are more extroverted. There certainly seems to be some open minded people in the groups and close minded as well, I think it’s just how much you let other people opinions on your recovery affect you. Someone here told me to take the good things from the meetings and leave the rest which is the best advice I have gotten so far.

 

[Mmp85]

I feel like people in AA and NA dislike advice just as much as any other addict and are usually the most dismissive of using therapy and psychiatry as part of recovery.
Seeing a psychiatrist and properly treating my bipolar and attending therapy is probably the number one thing that keeps me sober. That includes medication that doesn't always go over so well in 12 step groups. I have a real mental illness (not to mention that I think my addiction is a disease) and it needs to be treated by professionals. Friendships with other sober people are important so that I have people that I can enjoy doing things with that are unrelated to drinking, they don't even have to be fellow addicts they can just be someone not interested in drinking that wants to grab lunch. Your support system can be diverse, no one knows your struggle like another addict but there are other people who can care just as much about you.

 

[aihfl]

There certainly seems to be some open minded people in the groups and close minded as well, I think it’s just how much you let other people opinions on your recovery affect you. Someone here told me to take the good things from the meetings and leave the rest which is the best advice I have gotten so far.

Absolutely. Just because someone tells you something stupid doesn't mean you have to listen.

I feel like people in AA and NA dislike advice just as much as any other addict and are usually the most dismissive of using therapy and psychiatry as part of recovery.

I think that's a gross generalization. Anyone that has your best interests in mind wouldn't tell you not to do something that's keeping you from drinking or using. I've had a few people tell me to quit my psych meds (three antidepressants, a mood stabilizer, an ADD med and a benzo) but it was my choice to think they're full of shit and not take anything they had to say seriously after that. Yes there are assholes in AA/NA but there are assholes everywhere. Psychiatry and psychotherapy and recovery support groups need not be mutually exclusive.

 

[herbavore]

I just wish we would let each other be free to use whatever we intuitively gravitate to. Being here in these forums for years now I feel like I have seen so many people come in like pinballs, reacting and bouncing off the surfaces of external recovery support--whether it is 12-step or something else. But over time they allow themselves to listen to what they need and to go for it, regardless of the shortcomings of the larger setting (like rehab, spiritual approaches, AA/NA, etc). The more you get to know your own psychology, your own nature and mental habits, the more informed you can be about what to take and what to let lie.

Many people live in small communities, or in rural areas where nothing else is available except Christianity soaked AA/NA. That is a national tragedy here in the States. I hate to see those people deprived of the soulfood of a group that at least understands their day-to-day struggles because they don't agree with total abstinence or a higher power etc. It's like a family--you don't have to like every political position or life choice your parents made to still benefit from the support they offer. Or maybe it is more like my distrust of western medicine overall--it sure didn't stop me using it when my bone broke! Nor did my using it for this specific need undermine or discount my overall view of it as something often as damaging as it is helpful.

 

[Mmp85]

Absolutely. Just because someone tells you something stupid doesn't mean you have to listen.

I think that's a gross generalization. Anyone that has your best interests in mind wouldn't tell you not to do something that's keeping you from drinking or using. I've had a few people tell me to quit my psych meds (three antidepressants, a mood stabilizer, an ADD med and a benzo) but it was my choice to think they're full of shit and not take anything they had to say seriously after that. Yes there are assholes in AA/NA but there are assholes everywhere. Psychiatry and psychotherapy and recovery support groups need not be mutually exclusive.

The problem though is that if you're in a recovery group that's giving you poor advice and you're not listening to it, you're not going to receive much support for doing what you choose to do instead because they obviously think they're right. Just like addicts don't like advice they don't like being told they're wrong. So the environment changes and stops being supportive which turns it into a negative enviroment.
I believe there are groups ok with using benzos therapeutically, it's just that those groups certainly aren't the ones I've been to. I saw a women's speaker tell us to avoid Midol because it will make you crave meth. Sure she said some positive things I agreed with but it's hard to feel supported when you're being told that you're doing it all wrong and will relapse and die.

 

[herbavore]

So I'm going to ask my question again because I am really confused by why this does not organically happen more:

Why do people not start their own grassroots support groups? I've been in support groups for various things in my life--survivors of sexual assault, general women's support groups, and even one for a disease I have. If there is no one leading the group they fall apart but that's easy to address. You either pick someone from the group that is willing to make sure everyone gets a chance to be heard and the group itself comes up with the guidelines to keep everyone feeling safe to share, etc.

Do you think there is a reason (beyond anonymity) that this does not happen more within the recovery community?

I see this stranglehold that the 12-step model has on everything from rehabs to the court system to what people's families demand they do. But this is all top down. What if those that are unhappy with what's out there were the ones to take the reins and say, "let's do it for ourselves"?

 

[Grinders Kiefers]

Do you think there is a reason (beyond anonymity) that this does not happen more within the recovery community?

I think it does happen, but those groups can be difficult to get off the ground or continue with any sort of momentum when so many resources already exist. Many recovering addicts get help and support from more than just recovery meetings - i.e., therapy, spiritual/religious practice and community, social club, etc. - and for there to be a support group exclusively for addiction/recovery, it would probably need to have a relatively unique offering to "compete" with 12 step recovery or any existing alternative. It also takes a lot of time, energy and commitment to form and lead a group that frankly many addicts do not have, at least not in the beginning.