AvenaSativa
Bluelighter
I'm 21 and I've developed severe social anxiety since coming out as transgender at the age of 14. Throughout the years this developed into an existential anxiety, and while tripping on some chemical that was sold to me as "ecstasy" I was severely traumatized and was left in a permanent state of panic that I couldn't begin to cope with until 4 months later. This was the most suicidal period of my life. I wasn't suicidal from depression I was suicidal from anxiety. I still get flashbacks to that time when I was in hell.
To this day my body constantly feels tense and shaky. I feel too bad to go outside, I have horrible insomnia, my mind is almost constantly racing with doom and gloom at 100 mph. I wish I could just live away from people but it takes money to live and I'm stuck in this horrible apartment in a Philly hood with no way to make money.
My doctor recently gave me paxil for my anxiety and depression and trazadone for my insomnia. The paxil has helped with my depression, but neither drugs have done anything for my anxiety or insomnia. I also have been feeling worse since going off of seroquel and remeron, which helped me and cured my insomnia but gave me weird body sensations and rendered me incapable of standing up.
I'm ready to pursue treatment with benzos. I'll do what it takes to get a script because they're the only drug that has made me feel normal and functional. I'm very familiar with drugs having done several with the strongest being DMT, crack, and suboxone. I've never been an addict and managed to put down both suboxone and crack after ODing on them and realizing they were too powerful. The only reason I don't do DMT is because my apartment is an absolute shithole and contributes to my anxiety greatly already so therefore is not tripworthy.
I know a good deal about drugs so I'm aware of their potential for abuse and addiction, but that doesn't scare me. If I can beat crack and something way stronger than heroin I can beat benzos. I'm tired of getting high anyway, I want to be able to feel good while not being high. I want to feel normal and functional. But I know nothing about pursuing a benzo prescription, so what should I know? People can look at me and see the anxiety. The tech drawing my blood last week kept asking me if I was scared of needles when I really don't care about needles, I'm always that shaky and tense, people have been able to see the anxiety pouring from me for 7 or 8 years now. I'm really bad off please don't disregard me as someone just trying to get drugs. I'm afraid that's what my doctor will do if I don't pursue the matter correctly. Idk where to start or what to do and I'm scared. I tried simply self medicating by buying xanax off the streets but they're not always easy to find and too expensive. I feel that if I can ever turn my life around these are the only drugs that will help. I'm opening up so much and being so honest because I need help.
To this day my body constantly feels tense and shaky. I feel too bad to go outside, I have horrible insomnia, my mind is almost constantly racing with doom and gloom at 100 mph. I wish I could just live away from people but it takes money to live and I'm stuck in this horrible apartment in a Philly hood with no way to make money.
My doctor recently gave me paxil for my anxiety and depression and trazadone for my insomnia. The paxil has helped with my depression, but neither drugs have done anything for my anxiety or insomnia. I also have been feeling worse since going off of seroquel and remeron, which helped me and cured my insomnia but gave me weird body sensations and rendered me incapable of standing up.
I'm ready to pursue treatment with benzos. I'll do what it takes to get a script because they're the only drug that has made me feel normal and functional. I'm very familiar with drugs having done several with the strongest being DMT, crack, and suboxone. I've never been an addict and managed to put down both suboxone and crack after ODing on them and realizing they were too powerful. The only reason I don't do DMT is because my apartment is an absolute shithole and contributes to my anxiety greatly already so therefore is not tripworthy.
I know a good deal about drugs so I'm aware of their potential for abuse and addiction, but that doesn't scare me. If I can beat crack and something way stronger than heroin I can beat benzos. I'm tired of getting high anyway, I want to be able to feel good while not being high. I want to feel normal and functional. But I know nothing about pursuing a benzo prescription, so what should I know? People can look at me and see the anxiety. The tech drawing my blood last week kept asking me if I was scared of needles when I really don't care about needles, I'm always that shaky and tense, people have been able to see the anxiety pouring from me for 7 or 8 years now. I'm really bad off please don't disregard me as someone just trying to get drugs. I'm afraid that's what my doctor will do if I don't pursue the matter correctly. Idk where to start or what to do and I'm scared. I tried simply self medicating by buying xanax off the streets but they're not always easy to find and too expensive. I feel that if I can ever turn my life around these are the only drugs that will help. I'm opening up so much and being so honest because I need help.
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