I don't think I've ever been a normal kid. I've usually been left alone. But at least then I could find joy in things. Starting at 17 I was smoking pot. Then explored into psychedelics maybe a year or two after. Shrooms was where it was at. I was a frequent user for some odd months. And then I started getting into LSD. It was like I thought there was a mission with psychedelics. I used them so much so that I actually went on a psychotic break. That was in the final 3 weeks of April...I'm not using psychedelics anymore. But I still smoke pot. But it's not fulfilling. Nothing really is. I'm not interested in anything. I can't smile for any reason. It's like I'm stuck in neutral or something. Has my use of shrooms and huge dose of LSD changed my world grey? Music isn't even pleasurable. All I do is sit around and go to work. I don't want to do anything. What is wrong with me?
-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
What is wrong with my psyche
- Thread starter Matariah
- Start date
ad lib
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2013
- Messages
- 4,317
Your psychedelic use may or may not have triggered depression. Were you using them to mask feelings of depression? If so, the reason you may be feeling depressed now is because the issues you were trying to mask with drug use are still present now.
However, psychedelic use can also trigger underlying mental illness. Perhaps that is what happened in your case. Do you have a family history of mental illness? Depression, bipolar, etc?
Is there anything that *does* cause you at least some joy? What do you do during the day? Work, school, etc?
However, psychedelic use can also trigger underlying mental illness. Perhaps that is what happened in your case. Do you have a family history of mental illness? Depression, bipolar, etc?
Is there anything that *does* cause you at least some joy? What do you do during the day? Work, school, etc?
No family history of mental illness. And I possibly was trying to cover up depression. But I felt so happy before the psychotic break. I had aspirations. I hung out with friends...now all I do is sit around and wait to go to work. And my job is easy. I've been doing it for 6 years...did the psychedelics just make me subconsciously realize the true nature of life and now I'm consciously reacting? If I am feeling empty and directionless what can help me? Possibly another shroom trip? Just go on antidepressants (which I don't believe in)?
ad lib
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Feb 9, 2013
- Messages
- 4,317
Do you care to expand on this? You may have some PTSD from having a "bad trip".
I don't recommend experimenting with another shroom trip because of where it landed you. Of course, it's your decision, but I would advise against it. Have you tried antidepressants before? For some people they work well, for others- not so much. I'm one of the ones where AD's do not work well for.
What I recommend is maybe going to CBT aka "talk therapy" with a good psychologist. They can help talk you through the feelings you're having and get to the bottom of it to see what triggered everything. You may need to shop around for a good psychologist, however, they ARE out there. Trust me.
I know you can pull through this.
Captain.Heroin
Bluelight Crew
I think what he is referring to is derealization.
Tryptamine*Dreamer
Ex-Bluelighter
I felt much the same way before I ever used drugs, no desire to do anything, life isn't worth living, suicide attempts, constant boredom and apathy, no joy or pleasure - just endless misery and often having ideas that there could be a malevolent god out there who is sending everyone to some version of hell so that even death would be no escape. Most of the time I was just an atheist and figured death would end the pain. Sometimes I would go into week or multi-week rages where I would scream all day, break things, hurt myself, and sleep very little. At least once I stayed awake for two weeks and started having strange paranoid delusions from the sleep deprivation. Most of the time I just felt the depressed feeling instead of the rage, insomnia, and paranoia. I was diagnosed as Bipolar many years later.
It sounds to me like you have depression. I don't know if you have ever had a manic episode or not. The drugs may have triggered it or maybe not, but you need to see a shrink. My first trip ended a long lasting depressive episode but psychedelics are known to trigger mood and psychotic disorders, though I think it is a rare occurrence,
It sounds to me like you have depression. I don't know if you have ever had a manic episode or not. The drugs may have triggered it or maybe not, but you need to see a shrink. My first trip ended a long lasting depressive episode but psychedelics are known to trigger mood and psychotic disorders, though I think it is a rare occurrence,
seaofmonsters
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2012
- Messages
- 16
Just so you know, you seem like a really interesting, insightful person, solely judging by these posts. I dunno if that helps any but I thought I'd say it. lol
I know someone who went through something very similar to you, with the psychotic break and depression. I don't know what the answer is, but we all have sadness and struggles. I'd suggest cutting out the weed, you never know, it may help. Try to force yourself to do things other than drugs that are supposed to give you pleasure, like being with friends, going to see your favorite artist, or something. Look into meditation and read about Buddhist principles.
I know someone who went through something very similar to you, with the psychotic break and depression. I don't know what the answer is, but we all have sadness and struggles. I'd suggest cutting out the weed, you never know, it may help. Try to force yourself to do things other than drugs that are supposed to give you pleasure, like being with friends, going to see your favorite artist, or something. Look into meditation and read about Buddhist principles.
dopemegently
Bluelighter
Matariah hi, I've been following your thread and I identify with the things you're saying. I think your having existential angst as well as depression. This is a good and healthy thing for a person to experience, even if it's very painful, it means your becoming self-aware. You're thinking about your place in this world, and your reaching for answers as to why you're here. It's a sign you're an introspective and thoughtful person; it's a good sign.
The human psyche cannot be damaged or broken; it's fluid and constantly growing, and highly adaptable. I've experienced everything you've described, and I'm positive what your feeling is temporary: you just need to find your sense of purpose, but only you can know what that is.
I agree with the above poster: trippy drugs will only compound your problem, I'd suggest you avoid them.
The human psyche cannot be damaged or broken; it's fluid and constantly growing, and highly adaptable. I've experienced everything you've described, and I'm positive what your feeling is temporary: you just need to find your sense of purpose, but only you can know what that is.
I agree with the above poster: trippy drugs will only compound your problem, I'd suggest you avoid them.
Last edited:
pmoseman
Bluelighter
Major life-changing events stimulate a brief psychotic disorder in patients with no prior history of mental illness. Prognosis following a brief psychotic disorder is quite good, though severity can be altered by stress or a lack of family support. A psychotic person can be hospitalized against his or her will, particularly for threatening violence, refusing to eat, or dressing inappropriately for the climate.
Psychosis is a known side effect of psychedelics. Marijuana is a risk factor for the onset of psychosis. The symptoms following psychoactive substance abuse are not explained by the acute effects of intoxication. The experience may include hallucinations (involving any of the five senses), perceptual distortions, delusions (patently known to be false, often with paranoid feelings), psychomotor disturbances (excitement or stupor), a degree of cloudy consciousness (though not a severe confusion), and an abnormal affect, ranging from intense fear to ecstasy.
Complicated.
Here is a related thread:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/616587-LSD-dosage-to-achieve-ego-death
Mental health disorders cannot be cured by drugs or medicine alone. There are several reasons that panic attack medications should generally be avoided. They certainly have their place.
Last edited: