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What illness do you think I got

bighooter

bighooter

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 31, 2008
Messages
1,660
Im 24 and have suffered with depression n anxiety for 8 years now.
docs wouldnt ever give me anything for anxiety but prescribed me meds for depression been on n off them for years... nothing works

anyway lately I have just got considerably worse heres my symptoms:

- i only ever feel comfortable when im on my own
- i cant socialise with anyone (i dont feel good being around friends n family)
- im extremely paranoid when out in public
- i dont like anyone looking at me
- i feel like since ive gave up my meds (anti depressants) im not as depressed but my anxiety has increased by a million-fold
- I cant make eye contact with anyone coz it freaks me out
- I cant stop eating, I am constantly hungry
- I have no motivation or interest in anything I simply feel as if im decaying rapidly every second of the day and merely existing
- the only time i look forward to is when i feel tired enough to sleep so i dont have to put up with reality
- i feel as if everyone out there is fake and full of themselves and everyone is out to be a macho man
- i feel like killing people and myself on a daily basis
- i dont self harm but I IV drugs now n again which is kinda like self harm i guess
- i talk n act differently around different people however I genuinely seem n act like i dont give a fuck all the time

I think I might have schizophrenia or something as my uncle (he commited suicide) and my mother have schizophrenia.

I need to book a doctors appointment tomorrow as I dont know how much more I can take living like this as i know its wrong.
 
You need a professional, my friend. Thats quite a cornucopia of problems. I hope and wish you get the help you need, but I'd be callin someone quick.<3
 
i dont want to close this, but there is no way that anyone here, or anyone else besides the medical professionals you chose to see and tend to agree with can decide on. this takes time, along with the observation of symptoms, also how they play out and what if anything triggers them.

to discuss these issues is one thing, making your appointment is most important. there are many here though that can listen and/or share their experiences with you.

diagnostic and treatment recommendations cant happen here.
besides Bluelights rules, and no matter who we are, it cant happen properly on-line.
 
See a doctor for sure and preferably a psychiatrist and tell them what is going on. Noone here is qualified at all to make a diagnoses and it's pretty hard to make one over the net anyway. All we can do is urge you to seek professional help.

You an let us know how it goes if you like.
 
I might diagnose with hypochondria plus a serious inner existential conflict.

may I ask friend, what kind of things make you happy?
 
It was a joke, sorry you missed that. We can't give medical advise as you've already stated so I'm taking a humanist stand and actually reaching out. Medication isn't always the way. Sometimes it's just a deep rooted issue with their world, one that can be solved with spiritual guidance and self exploration. Sometimes it's the way
 
MySecret said:
Your medications probably don't work because you don't stay on them.
Click to expand...

ye because I just feel worse rather than better, I dont feel myself if I even know myself. I creep myself out on a daily basis.

I cant honestly say why I feel so bad maybe its coz I havent got a job but even when I had a good job I was still depressed.
Maybe its coz I cant get a girlfriend coz I have no confidence but even when I was buff from steroids I still couldnt approach girls and when I got attention I didnt want it coz i get weirded out by intimacy/flirting.

I think im just a full blown sociopath.
 
panic in paradise said:
if you were a sociopath, you would not have a self-esteem issue, no you would not give a care as to what anyone thought about anything.
~
just as long as they believed you.
Click to expand...

Oh thats certainly not me then, as I care about what everyone thinks of me and that is why I never feel relaxed around another human being coz im constantly wondering what they are thinking of me.
 
some of the problems you have are similiar to the ones i had when i had social phobia. you should really go visit a doc and get a referral to see a therapist.
 
i went to the docs and she wouldnt let me see a psychiatrist because I use drugs even though I said I wasnt addicted to drugs (which im not).

So I have to see a drugs councellor before I can see a psychiatrist and she just told me too keep taking my mirtazapine medication.

What aload of sh1t. I feel like every second of the day is painful being awake aslong as I can think I feel like sh1t nothing interests me I dont watch TV coz I analyse everything and nothing interests me which is ever on the 5 sh1tty channels I got and playing video games doesnt interest me either.

All I seem to do allday is listen to music, read books which I dont even take in properly coz I cant concentrate.
 
Sounds like you just have abnormally high levels of anxiety... I would go talk to a counselor.
 
You might have the Asperger syndrome, like I do... One symptom of it is anxiety in social situations and difficulty making eye contact. Do you have obsessive interests/hobbies? That's also a symptom of AS.
 
It sounds to me like you've got the fear. The fear is the base of existence and a precursor to action. Nothing would get done without fear. It's prevalent within everyone and if left undealt with can permeate through the exterior in a number of wrong ways like violence, anxiety, depression. Some sort of action or inaction must take place every time you feel the fear but that's up to you to find out what that particular action. Don't let the fear paralyse you and let you slip further into fear. I believe you've got the means to help yourself bighooter, it's in your control
 
bighooter said:
i went to the docs and she wouldnt let me see a psychiatrist because I use drugs even though I said I wasnt addicted to drugs (which im not).

So I have to see a drugs councellor before I can see a psychiatrist and she just told me too keep taking my mirtazapine medication.

What aload of sh1t. I feel like every second of the day is painful being awake aslong as I can think I feel like sh1t nothing interests me I dont watch TV coz I analyse everything and nothing interests me which is ever on the 5 sh1tty channels I got and playing video games doesnt interest me either.

All I seem to do allday is listen to music, read books which I dont even take in properly coz I cant concentrate.
Click to expand...

Stop using drugs completely. Allow your brain to recover. This may take a year or two. Maybe more. It may take a year for your medication to work. Listen to your doctors. Stay on the medication, stay off the drugs, stop diagnosing yourself with things and thinking you have problems. It's going to be a struggle, but once you beat it, you've beat it. Like I said, it may take years but you've got to stay committed in order to be normal again. Get professional help. We are not doctors and we can't diagnose you. I used to take Mirtazapine. I will admit this was one of the medications that I did not like. I took it for the longest time until my doctor decided that it wasn't working for me, so she put me on Pristiq. I loved this one. I took it for 2 years, went to college, got a job, got my life back on track and everything was going great again... until I relapsed. I had to start all the fuck over again and it will probably be another year or two before I'm normal again. I lost my job, dropped out of school, etc... I know that I need to never do drugs again and stay on my medications. I can't keep going through this cycle. Why do I do it? Because I make excuses for myself and drugs take over your brain, planning your next relapse, making you lie to yourself, making excuses for you, so you can use, lying to others to get your next fix... I didn't believe I was addicted. I recommend this book to you:

EDIT: THIS THREAD has a great deal of info and the book can be found there as well --OverDone

Also, you are probably going to feel worse before you can feel better.
 
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awkwardapple said:
It sounds to me like you've got the fear. The fear is the base of existence and a precursor to action. Nothing would get done without fear. It's prevalent within everyone and if left undealt with can permeate through the exterior in a number of wrong ways like violence, anxiety, depression. Some sort of action or inaction must take place every time you feel the fear but that's up to you to find out what that particular action. Don't let the fear paralyse you and let you slip further into fear. I believe you've got the means to help yourself bighooter, it's in your control
Click to expand...

this sounds strange, but it is true.

for instance with your situation: you feel Fear over proving you are not a drug addict. well, the fear is coming from an anxiety of judgment, that is coming from you judging their intentions... it sounds like the action to be taken, to overcome this fear in particular, and many more pin-pointable life altering ones - is to talk to the drug&alcohol counselor, be honest, if you are not an 'addict', it will be clear.

they arent going to want to waste the resources on someone who is not an addict, when someone who is and is wanting help and needs the time is waiting. i promise they have heard and seen more then we might care to, so be as honest as possible...

also, going to see a psych, with your mind muddled with drugs is a waste of your, and their time.

they arent all 'headshrinkers', some of the more 'expansive' type personalities, open thinkers, absorbers of life have been in the psychiatric, or addiction medicine field...

many, became inspired to take on this field from their own personal experiences.

they arent there to be your friend, but may have lost friends in similar situations, or family members, maybe a while themselves... just listen closely to what they are saying, and prove yourself.
you most likely will be having to do the same, with a court order eventually.. understanding your chances in time with this stuff.
 
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