What If?

[New]

A trepidation in the mire, sucking
down upon my ankles,
pulling for ground
against the
truth.
Words lost before ever found,
the right words checked and rechecked
until lost again, sure of the deadly result
soon to transpire.

A floating point, action without thought
or cause

leading to the end of the maze, true meaning
strikes deep and wanted where millions
of test scenarios failed, inflating
me until the rockets backfire into themselves
creating a spectacle for all to see.

 

[katmeow]

I really like this piece. I especially thought that the opening section was quite strong. Perhaps you could play around with the formatting of the second part ... I felt it didn't quite have the same flow as the beginning.

Nice work indeed

 

[(Wordy)]

Words lost before ever found

I know the feeling!

I like the transition between stanzas here:

A floating point, action without thought
or cause

leading to the end of the maze, true meaning

I feel as though you're really getting at something with this piece. You're dealing with very abstract ideas - thought processes, truth and meaning. So it's a little hard to get a handhold, but I appreciate your ability to reflect on these things.

 

[New]

Thank you. This was a tough poem to write, mainly because it was dealing with something so abstract. I'm glad you appreciate it.:D

 

[Pimp Lazy]

Oh shit... this is abstract? This is how I write so I instantly liked it in a narcissistic sort of way as well as in an understanding appreciative way. I've used same sentences and really could see a couple strong ideas/stories intertwining and running concurrently throughout.

PAX,
PL