I achieved a lot early in life. I got my B.A. in journalism, worked at television stations and newspapers, and applied to graduate school and got in. After I got my undergrad degree I went berserk. I started drinking like crazy, started trying cocaine, ecstasy, and scripts, particularly the benzos. I also liked Adderall because it allowed me to stay up late and study, be more social, and made me feel smarter. Hehe. It all came crashing down one day when I realized my Adderall and Klonopin use were completely out of control. I started missing classes because I was too high to go in or I would sleep through them. Then I hit bottom going through withdrawals from benzos. I really thought I could kick it on my own. What resulted was withdrawal psychosis that was the most frightening experience of my life. I would not wish it on my worse enemy. But lately, I have been the happiest I have ever been since I started a recovery program and actually WORKED it. I recognized who to stay away from and who to stick with. That was what drove me away many times before. I started realizing this was MY LIFE I was fighting for and people pleasing just to be "nice" was going to kill me. I learned to stand up for myself. I learned that my story was no better or no worse than anyone else's. The disease of addiction is hell only if we continue to use. In recovery, there is a better life. Even better than the one you had before you started using. The 12 steps teach you how to live honestly, to forgive yourself and others, to take an inventory of your wrongs and admit them. Get it out on the table. Pray. Pray. Pray. It works. Ask your higher power to help you and He will. I believe in that with every thread of my soul. Someday you may be able to save someone else's life. Now, isn't that a reason to live?
