YES Pickledlemons! Very good way to describe precipitated withdrawal. Kind of inspired me to describe it as well. This was about 8 years ago now. Doc said, "I am going to prescribe you this 20mcg Butrans. You can put it on when you get home." And I said, "Well isn't that going to send me straight to hell?" He said, "no". Now with what he was prescribing me alone he should have known that I was on my way to hell. 240 30mg roxies, 120 40mg opana, 120 120mg Avinza, and the rest of the pointless stuff like soma, nuvigil, blah blah blah. Oh yeah and an infinite refill of 200 insulin needles a month for an intramuscular once per month vitamin B12 shot. LOL. Oh yeah and he was prescribing my wife nearly the same cocktail which he had to know I was consuming 80% of. And two friends that I had were also getting basically the same. Yeah you get it.
So I asked my pharm, "Hey my doc says this is ok...I really don't think it is. I mean it is going to send me to hell." The pharm said, "well if your doctor says it's ok then I would go with what the doctor says." I was like uhhhh whatever dude.
So I get home and I tell my wife to watch me because an animal may appear. I slapped on the patch and immediately there was a roar in my head like I was standing behind a 747. I couldn't hear anything through the roar. I felt light headed and looking in the mirror and my pupils were the size of my iris. Like an alien. So I said, "Wow I am tired I have to lay down." I fell out for about 5 minutes I think. Then I awoke with a jolt. I used every ounce of energy to get 15 feet to the bathroom. Couldn't put thoughts together. Which end should I point to the toilet? Painted the walls, floor, cabinets. Tore the patch off and flushed the toilet what seemed like 100 times. Smashed my closed fist into the floor and screamed, "I f^&king knew it! I f^&king knew it! I f^&king knew it!"
My wife was terrified she came to the bathroom door and opened her mouth. The first sound coming off her lips made me want to tear my flesh off. I wanted to find the zipper on my skin and peel it back and escape my body. I screamed, "Don't f^&king say anything...please please please please please..." She whispered, "I am going to call an ambulance." I had one complete thought, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" I have been in 5 point restraints but never at a 10 out of 10 in every measurable category on a COWS scale. I thought I knew a 10 before. Past 10's were barely 1's. I had a whole new perspective.
She called my doctor. She laid the phone next to my head. He spoke in barely audible tones. He told me it would pass. He told me some other bullshit. He said I was having an allergic reaction. She called her doctor sister who said it would fix itself soon. NO NO NO. These inexperienced people have no clue! I was unable to move or put complete thoughts together. If I was I would not be on this planet any longer. I would have jammed any object I could reach as deep into my neck as I possibly could. I knew I was in for a prolonged hell. I had prayed to something in the past to help me stop. Oh I was stopped alright.
I laid on the bathroom floor for 3 days. I ate in the neighborhood of 1000 roxies over the next 6 to 10 days. Definitely more in the beginning. Hoping to catch one freed up receptor. I ate a handful early on and my wife screamed, "You are going to die." I laughed and cried at the same time maniacally saying, "baby this is like drinking a glass of water right now...it will virtually no effect." 210 over 140 for at least 3 days...yeah my bloodpressure. I could go on...I used for 2 more years just out of fear. I would NEVER detox if it was going to feel like that...and I was convinced it WOULD FEEL LIKE THAT.
My wife wore the butrans patches for the next couple years. I made her do all of her patch works in a special room that I would never enter. One time she left a piece of a wrapper on the carpet and I had a full-fledged panic attack. Everytime I felt sick I thought it was because I touched her towel. I made her wear a shirt to bed. And I wore shorts... i was on 1.62 androgel because my body was producing the testosterone of a 3 year old. I didn't want that shit touching her because I didn't want her to grow a beard. I certainly didn't want that patch touching me. We slept in that queen bed for 2 years ... miles apart.
5 years, 4 months, 29 days. Life is so amazing...so f^&king amazing. She has 5 years, 3 months and 27 days. She witnessed a miracle and became one herself.